I'm Struggling Again Not to Become Cynical and Jaded

[Silverbirch]

I'm not going through a BU right now though I haven't been able to see much of the man in my life due to our work. However, I spoke with a very close friend last night. She and I have been there for each other through so much. We've both been there for each other through 2 painful breakups. She was telling me things that she has since found out about her ex, and I have come to believe there are some truly bad people out there, especially as through my job I have heard of some extremely exploitive relationship situations. My friend, H, is one of the nicest people you could hope to meet. She has so much going for her, and she's attractive. I have seen man after man try and take advantage of her - she has her own home and business - and she has gotten on with her life as best she can.

 

My own relationships experiences haven't been great. I'm with someone at present who isn't abusive though I think can be selfish and arrogant at times.

 

I don't know if ENA is making me feel more jaded or not. I could really do with some wisdom. I don't want to become jaded and cynical, but I don't want to be a fool either.

[pl3asehelp]

There's a middle ground where you're just self aware, no longer naive, and know what you want and where you are willing to compromise and that's the sweet spot in between naive and jaded.

[Silverbirch]

Thank PH! Yeah, I remember that last guy who she was engaged to was trying to manipulate her into mortgaging her home for a proppsed business venture of his and that he was trying to talk her out of going into the business she now has which is successful. It turns out that while he was engaged to her, he was with this woman he married shortly after. She had no inkling of it. She has deserved so much more. It has always been the same with her - similar to me, but more dramatic for her. It all starts out wonderfully, then once she becomes involved, they try to milk money from her. Yes, she and I are no longer naieve, but I guess we are both at least little jaded.

 

I found out also that my ex is with a woman who has been widowed a few months, and with what I have come to learn of him, I'd say he also is gold-digging. Very glad I am no longer with him.

[pippy longstocking]

I walked around the pond today 3 times just trying to walk off those kind of feelings , it was dark by the time I got home , i had been toying with so much anger from the past and fighting the urge to let rip .

 

We can deal with the past , we can let it ago , but there is nothing to erase our memories , we just learn to live

and hopefully learn from it all ...yet ...it leaves its scars and , yes it can make us cynical or should that be aware ?

Add into the mix what we see going on around us and the stories we see on here and of course it all has the potential to

make any one of us jaded .

Sometimes I have read stories on here and thought "what hope is there in this world " , we are a nasty bunch .

Other days it doesn't affect me .

 

I take myself off like I did today , and watched the sun go down , to remind myself of the beauty .

 

sometimes silver I think we have reason to be cynical , ist what we do with it that matters . x

[Silverbirch]

Hugs SS! I see with my friend, and suppose I think I am the same, and likely you are too, that there are those of us who have so much love to give all around us, and I've seen her targeted so many times.

 

At least the guy I am with at present doesn't ask or expect me to do any of those things. True he can be a pain in the butt at times, but so far, I haven't seen anything of what I have seen in any of those men that makes me think they are incredible users and exploiters.

 

You are special SS. XXX

[pippy longstocking]

oh bless you thankyou x you are as well , they will be telling us to get a room haha

 

I am glad you are with someone who is not setting off all the alarm bells , and I know just what you mean ,

I can spot things pretty sharpish , but then in the same breath sometimes some things still do take me

by surprise .

 

I see the trials of the dating world through the eyes of my best friend , she gives me daily material for this site haha

and she is another who has had "a right life" but picked herself up time and time again . So she had gotten herself out

on dates ...its fascinating , I can't wait for her to call after a date hahahahahaha

 

I swear down the other night after a second date with someone she called me ( we live in different cities , she is in my hometown) so we where on the phone and he texted her , called her beautiful , he had had a fab night blah blah , she replied , he said something flirty dirty , she sent kisses , he said " ok right dont bother me again"

 

WHAT ....................WHAT

 

she said "what" , he said " I don't think we will get on"

 

seriously ..we spent all night going over and over it all , it was bizarre .

 

sorry ...got off the beaten track there silver haha (marley time ..)

[Silverbirch]

Oh Ja Shoot, there's some weird ones out there. That one sounds schizo and at least she found out early on.

 

I have strictly business-like relationship with my housemate. We have shared house together for almost 3 years. A lot of older women consider him attractive - there has not been a shortage of interested ones - but I know him in a different way and certainly would NOT trust him as far as women go. Different things he has said to me about women and other things have been just icky. Incidentally, when my friend came and stayed and met him, she thought instantly that he was creepy and a perv. I'm not a 100 per cent certain about the perv thing, maybe at least a bit, but there is definitely a real coldness to him. He's been married and divorced 3 times and has at various times, lived the high life though at present he is still a bankruptee and he is very materialistic and penny-pinching in a lot of ways though he gambles on the horses. Present girlfriend has MONEY.

 

You read so much of people here alluding to others using them for sex, but I have known much more evil stories about others using members of the opposite sex for money. I would much rather be used for sex myself which sounds silly. Of course, I would rather neither.

[journeynow]

Oh, Silverbirch, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling not to become cynical and jaded. Pl3asehelp has a good point about becoming self-aware [and just aware, I'd add], knowing what you want, and your boundaries.

 

I feel somewhat the same, though, I might be somewhat jaded. It could be a side effect of spending time on eNA, and the number of people I know who have been through break ups in recent years, or who are in long-term marriages that have hit rocky times. [Not to mention my own break up, which hit me so hard.]

 

My take on this feeling is that I'm not ready for a new relationship, not ready for dating, not open to anyone joining closely with my life. I don't want to be closed to it for the rest of my life, but I need to be in a stronger inner place where there is no need to have a jaded or cynical view.

[Ayanokōji]

Better safe than sorry.

[Realitynut]

Shooting Star and SB....get a room.

BTW....I think i'm becoming jaded.....

that...

or unlovable.

not sure.

[Silverbirch]

Hi All and Thanks,

JN, recently I came into contact with a woman from work who is a solicitor and who has completed some social research on women with disabilities who live in the community and their experiences with exploitation in relationships, and it was just sickening. I'm sure there would be similar experiences for men - in fact, I did have a male client once with an acquired brain injury as well as other serious physical disabilities who was terribly financially exploited by his deadbeat parents.

 

Anyway, in this research project, there had been women with serious physical disabilities and some also had intellectual disabilties. They had met men who they became involved with. The men moved in with them and then claimed a carers benefit which I think is a little more than an unemployment benefit but there are some other benefits which go with that. These men did absolutely no caring of the women, most of them had other girlfriends and the women with the disabilites were exploited by them in many ways. I read about other forms of exploitation of people with disabilities. I've worked in the field for over 10 years and I've seen a lot of sad situations, but reading of the real badness of some people and what they seem to have no conscience to do to others who are so vulnerable really made me feel angry and disgusted.

 

I'm certain that finding out those things has part to do with my current cynicism, and I know that often now I have probs opening some threads on ENA so there is a lot I don't read these days because you can read a lot of similar things over and over that are just heartbreaking for the people who have been hurt by these creeps.

 

When I was young, even in my 30's, my mum used to worry about me a lot because she believed I was way too trusting of people and naeve. I guess I was. Many times, I was not a good judge of people.

 

Hi Termus, and Carla, you are NOT unlovable.