Goddess4ever Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 It's all about personality. It's all about confidence. It is all about self-esteem. It is all about how you carry yourself. It is about your mind, your sense of humor, your openness. These are all the things that I hear about, regarding attraction. Oh, and physical attraction only plays a small part...INITIALLY, in the beginning. I just wish everyone would just cut the "facade"...and get to the real meaning. Do we all say this so no one thinks that they are bad people? We don't want to be persecuted for being shallow and judgemental. I am really tired with dealing with people that are hypocrites. "A person who professes beliefs and opinions that he does not hold"...is a hyprocrite. I am tired of being told that it is all about what is on the inside....because in my mind, right now, that something that simply isn't true. I have been reading and posting in these forums for months...and inevitably someone usually comes along and posts....I find this attractive, and that attractive....but no fat chicks. I suppose I should explain my situation. I decided to give "online dating" a try...just for curiosity sake...and to see if people are really as shallow as they pretend NOT to be. So I have been talking to this man for 2 weeks, both online and on the phone. He has M.S (which didn't bother me in the slightest), and another condition from a fall he had taken 2 years prior. He also has been on a weightloss program for a few months...and has lost about 30 pounds. Personally, I like stockier guys, but whatever. Anyways, I knew that he liked me...we flirted all the time, and talked about "real life" issues. About family, relationships, friends, etc. I also asked him if other women freaked out when he told them about his MS. He said yes, they freak and run the other way pretty much. He told me that he found it rare to talk to someone as open as me, as well as other compliments, and yesterday, pretty much asked me (in a round about way), getting together to watch a movie. Here is the CLINCHER...I hadn't sent him my picture yet...as I hinted about sending it before..but he never asked for it. I asked him before about what he was "looking for" in terms of looks...and he was always vague, and talked about "natural beauty". So I sent the file over with my picture. I realized a bit later that after recieving my pic, that he had gone and changed his profile. Under the section about "my date" (what he was looking for)...under the section of body type...he had said "Slender, average, athletic and toned, and a few extra pounds"....it NOW reads "Slender, Average, and athletic and toned". He took out the part about "a few extra pounds" after receiving my picture!!!! I totally hooked him on my personality alone...but in the end it didn't matter. Yes, I am overweight...and NO I do not have ANY health concerns. No problems with the heart, cholestorol, blood pressure, nothing! I didn't lie on my profile. I have lost 30 pounds in the last 3 months....but it doesn't really matter. Some of you may wonder why I feel it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I am still in the middle of the process...it doesn't matter because I still get viewed and judged as being lazy, stupid, and that I don't care about my body. Thin people are not the only "healthy" people on the planet. I just had some guy, who professes to be non-judgemental and accepting, judge me. But the irony of the situation is he was/is going through the same process of losing weight. And obviously he demands acceptance with his MS...but cannot offer the same in return. I know some of the things that some people might say....and this is my responce: 1)He is just some shallow guy...better to know now than later -It isn't just him, and although I am not saying everyone is shallow, I get treated like a leper. I am overweight, but I am not obese, and I am not hideous, and I do take care of myself. 2)You have to want to lose weight for you, and not some guy....overweight people are unhealthy, go to the gym -I am losing weight right now...It is a process, not an overnight thing. At the same time, I am conforming to what everyone thinks I should be, simply because I am judged and considered unworthy due to weight. I don't think people need to be thin to be happy 3)Some people are just attracted to thinner girls -At the risk of personality? (this is not to say thin ppl don't have personalities) but the question is WHY they are attracted to thin girls. I have never heard anyone say..."wow, they are super great...but ewww, they have green eyes...I can't date someone with green eyes"..so why do we do that with weight? Perhaps, if the media and other venues of information showed more VARIATION with ideas of beauty, no one would be so rigid. Perhaps people should just start saying I am looking for "x, y, z...but only in someone thin" I think I am going to email him, just to express that I have a problem with people who are hypocrites. I just think it was so rude, and yes it hurts. Sorry for the huge rant...but I am just so tired of people judging me. People tell you to have confidence...but that is really hard to do when the world sees you as unattractive because you are not thin. Quote Link to comment
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