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My first-time...what went wrong?


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This is kind of embarrassing but last night my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, or at least attempted to. We are both 20 years old and virgins. We love each other very much, I'm on the pill and we used a condom so I knew I was ready. When we did it, it hurt so much and we couldn't do it. We both were getting so frustrated and upset that we stopped. It was definitely not what I expected my first time to be like. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make the next time better? Is this normal?

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When you say it hurt so much that "we" couldnt continue, I assume that you mean it hurt so bad that you couldnt continue. If there happens to be some kind of abnormal pain on his part then he should be aware of that. However pain on your part is completely normal. Obviously you can use more lubrication (if you are going to use other lubricant and condoms, make sure that it is a water based lubricant, such as KY Jelly). Foreplay is also another thing he can do so that you are more arroused and insertion would be easier. Other than that your first time is something that you just have to get through, is it going to hurt yes it will but the second time is always better.

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It's normal. I have an experienced bf and it took him 3 times to make it... the last "first time" lasted an hour before he could penetrate. >_


What my bf did was to direct my attention to other places, ease me up, do more foreplay before we continue, etc. First time hurt, so a lot of girls tense up after feeling pain. If you tense up it makes it extra hard for guys to penetrate, not to mention penetrating and breaking the hymen's hard to begin with.


From what I can remember, he tried a little bit, and when I complained that it hurt he kept himself there but came distracting me instead, then when I don't notice he'll go a little bit more, etc. until he finally got it an hour later... then he was really really really tired... >_> go figure.


He says it hurts guys too having to push through such a small space with something that sensitive.


Well, I was also one of those girls with an extra thick/small hymen. >_



P.S. >_

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100% normal. Most people THINK they're prepared when they finally make that move, but no one really understands how painful the first time can be until they go through it. If it makes you feel any better, the exact same thing happened to me my first time. But it gets less painful, and after a few tries things will be fine. Just be patient, and don't be afraid to make small, slow moves to make sure that everyone is comfortable and the process is as painless as possible.

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My first through 5th times were traumatizing.... I wouldnt even classify them as actually having sex... it hurt SOOOO bad.. I was honestly crying. I did bleed a little bit as well......We really couldnt do it.... Im sure he went in about 2 inches and thats it... We ended up breaking up about 6 months later (we were together for over 3 years).. and we had only "tried" about 5 times.... 8 months later I met a guy who was a bit experienced (my ex was a virgin) and it hurt just a little bit and after 3 times it didnt hurt at all.... I was SOOOO HAPPY to finally know that sex was NOT a terrible traumatizing thing.

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My ex was exactly like you are. We tried probably around 4 or 5 times and had no luck in.. well me penetrating her.


We gave up for awhile and like a few weeks later I tried again and it just slipped in without a problem. We weren't sure why this was..


I think that angles have a lot to do with how much it hurts.


The best advice is just keep trying different things, try some lube, and be patient. Hope it all works out!

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It's very normal for you to hurt the first time. Next time you try it, make him take it very slow. Don't rush into it because that stretching can seriously hurt. It might be torture for both of you, but if you can slowly get used to the feeling, it won't be so painful once the action starts.

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