I had an evening with my ex's best friend and he tried to hook up w my co-worker

[PrettyGood]

It was already 3rd day after I got training in my new job. My ex best friend is my co-worker and what is worse is that when I got hired and he saw me for the first time in our team, he messaged my ex immediately. Then my dumper ex congratulated me, asked me out for a cup of coffee (2 days ago after 2,5 weeks of NC) and told me that all he wants from me is just sex. I asked him not to contact me any longer and he is doing it now.

 

So, today we had unofficial our STAFF evening to at an Italian restaurant to meet newbies (including me). I dressed my best because I knew that my ex's best friend is informing him about every single detail about my life So I used non-challance tactic this time. I drank, I ate, I talked to my collegues, laughed, etc. I was totally ignoring my ex's best friend since the 1st day I saw him there because I knew that's nothing goood. I even didn't say "Hello" to him. So imagine, I came late and was smiling all the evening at that party all the time. I didn't pay any attention to my ex's best friend (who was sitting infront of me) intentionally, and 1 glass of red wine after - I suddenly hear "This message is just for (my name)! You should know that it was me who told (my ex name) about you working in this company the 1st day!" What the hell?! Everyone stopped talking and I just turned to him, laughed and said "Well, I know, but it wasn't intelligent from your side, so please don't do that anymore." I felt so awkward. Why did he needed to tell it infront of everyone? I mean, I don't care! My ex dumped me, this guy was also dumped by his gf at the same time, so he was also single, but still? I pretended not looking at him, but in the corner of my eye I was seeing him observing my every single gesture or word. Then he was writing some sms messages (I became paranoid that he's informing my ex)

 

I was smiling for the rest of the evening, until... He drank 2 more glasses of wine and suddenly he started flirting with one of the newbies sitting next to me. They talked some totally phylosofical b.llsh.t. I mean, totally, about "half empty glasses and pain hiding under the table" I was still acting non-challant but hey, I pretended talking to other girls from my team and still heard them flirting under my back. The girl was spinning her hairs around her finger, laughing at his stupid jokes and trying to keep the conversation all the evening. She didn't know how bad he was in the real life how I knew that. In the evening they went to smoke and I went home. I mean, 2 days ago, when my ex met me, he told me that this guy was dumped by his long term gf and he was feeling so much pain. She is a model, believe me, and now he was officially trying to hook up with our newbie girl. I felt so angry on him. I wanted to tell her everything that he's instable, that his gf dumped him and no-one can be in her place because she's a perfect woman and he's just a piece of .... like my ex!

 

I'm sorry if all of this thread seems irrelevant to you, but I mean, I drank some wine, I resisted temptation to contact my ex and now I really to tell about this stupid sh.t to someone!

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, that would sort of be annoying having the bestie of your ex right there at work with you relaying things back to the ex. But you are going to have to make an effort to simply treat this guy as one of the crowd, neither singling him out by way of snubbing him or going out of your way to be friendly. Just be professional 100 percent of the time and never say anything bad or good about him to anyone at the company. If he wants to keep up the whole "I'm spying on you" thing to your ex that just makes him come off looking like a weirdo and semi-stalkerish the way he did at the party when he announced to everyone he told your ex you were working there. I'm sure more than one person silently thought to themselves that the guy was a bit of a jerk for that. You handled it well and just need to keep doing that.

 

My only word of caution would be to stop focusing on what the ex did or didn't say about this guy. Your anger is with the ex, so try not to let this guy become a sort of a stand-in for that. A laugh and light comment like, "Wow, I didn't know I was worth so much attention, now let's all get back to work, etc." should be enough to silence any further comments of the sort he gave to you at hte party. When he sees he doesn't get a reaction and it just makes him look bad he'll soon drop it. Wow everyone at work with your production and professional attitude about getting work done and keeping the private personal life out of the office and you'll do fine.

[PrettyGood]

ParisPaulette, thank you for your honesty, it was a very good way to explain me possible ways of behavior. You're so great.

[ParisPaulette]

Thanks for the compliment and good luck with your new job.