Problem with never being attracted to anybody...

[Linlo]

Hi. I'm not sure how to explain this but I'll give it a go...

 

I find myself constantly unattracted to people. I mean, I'll always be looking for friendships and stuff but I never seem to want anybody as anything more than that!! I know that I am capable of giving and receiving affection because I used to have a boyfriend. Well, two. But the first doesn't really count since I wasn't aware we were dating... XD But even so, I've been suspecting recently that my one real relationship (which only lasted a couple of months and wasn't too successful...) only really happened because I was so desperate to have somebody, so that I could feel more normal - because I always used to feel there was something terribly wrong with me for not fancying guys at school. I just didn't really see what the fuss was all about. I still don't. And now I'm 19!!! AAARGH.

 

Does anyone relate to what I'm saying at all...?

 

My best friend tells me I probably just have a really low sex drive But still, I'd expect to find somebody I feel really attracted to emotionally, right? I just never want to take anything past friendship. I can't explain why, but the thought of going further than that with anybody I get to know just seems so so weird. Nyeh. Silly wacky brain *pokes it*.

 

It's annoying these days, because I really wish I could be with somebody. I'd love to have that security. But when I look around me, I don't see one person I'd like to be with. But oh well... I guess it's not really that a big deal, and I'm hoping that one day I'll meet somebody amazing who will sweep me off my feet and then I can say, "Hey, I can fall in love after all!"

 

I hope.. ^^;

[tea]

You know, if you're not attracted to anyone you don't have to push it. o_O

 

I was never attracted to anyone until last year. I'm now 21? I know I was attracted to "guys" and I flirted with them and all, but I just never wanted to date anyone. I actually felt sick when they get too close.

Eh, and I thought I have a low sex drive too, until I got a boyfriend... I was very wrong about the low sex drive thing. It seems I have just the opposite when I find the right guy.

 

 

My roommate's attracted to men too, but she's not "attracted" to anyone in particular, so she's still waiting for that special someone to come get her. She's going to be 22 in 2 months.

 

Neither of us set any standards for our boyfriends... all one need is to .. eh.. .get lucky.

 

My best friend's 21 and he's not attracted to anyone either... I think he might be the 1% of the population that are asexual though. He really doesn't care for either genders, actually he prefers the people who look like they are neither. *sigh* It's okay, whatever makes him happy.

[Vanilla]

Heyyyy!! ok first of all I don't think you should freak out over this. I am the total opposite of you. I am per say, boy crazy lol. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and prior to him I basically have hooked up or dated every boy Ive ever thought was cute. It is so funny because I have a friend who is just like you. She likes guys and its all cool but she never really gets into anyone! One time she thought this guy was cute and he liked her and when he tried to take it to the next level she just didn't find any interest in him anymore. I guess you just havnt met the right person yet. But maybe, how was your parents relationship? Sometimes that could have something to do with it. I wouldnt worry about it so much. Now if you found man and woman both repulsive and couldnt bare the thought of being with another person then I would worry, but I think you're just fine. Heh Good luck!

[if only]

I used to be the same as you then I met my ex and although I wasnt attracted to him at first after our friendship contiued I fell in love with him - we were together for 5 years in the end.

 

Dont worry it is perfectly normal to feel like you do, when you find someone special you will find what you are looking for and it may also be when you are least expecting it.

[JonnyG]

I can relate in a way. I find it difficult to see girls i like. I always see a lot of pretty girls on nights out, but a lot of the time I just see them as just pretty but not really me. But don't worry, the odd person will come by who u like the look of. Maybe when u get talking to some of these guys your opinion of them will change from being "just friends" to something more. Maybe u just need a few more years before your opinion changes.

[me4ta]

hey Nevelinde,

 

I have a girlfriend, she only had one real relationship in her life, this guy she dated 5 years ago for a year. Since then she was single and still is. I already had 3 serious boyfriends and she's out there on the singles scene, desperately trying to find somebody to love, but she can't. She started dating this guy a year ago, but she didn't like him that much, she was only into sex with him, eventually she told him she couldn't see him anymore because he proclaimed his love to her, and she didn't want to hurt him or lead him on.

 

So, I tried to find out what is going on, and the thing is that after you had this one boyfriend in your life and since then you've been looking, you get more and more used to being single, making your own decisions regarding your time management. You have your bed only for yourself, you don't have to concider anyone. It's very addictive. You become a chronic singlton. You value your freedom more than sharing it with someone else.

 

I have to tell you, after being single for 6 months between boyfriend last year, I was dating and to me sometimes it was kind of uncomfortable to set dates on Friday or Saturday nights because it was kind of a violation of my prime time evenings. I don't know how to explain it, but later when I started seeing my last boyfriend (he's my ex now) we ended up at this country house with whole bunch of my friends and he put his stuff in the same room with me that had a single bed (we were seeing each other for only 3 weeks then)....I panicked.

 

The thing is, my singleton friend is a commintmentphobe...she values her freedom, time and is very territorial because of that....she has guys who would love to be with her, but she ends up convinsing herself that for whatever reason the guy in question was not good for her. I hate when she's doing that. Also she keeps chosing some bad boys and when they treat her bad she ends up thinking that all guys are jerks, which is not true.

 

So just think about what you're doing, what is going on in your head when you're deciding that a certain person is only good for friendship. Are you afraid of commitment? Are you just generally not attracted to that person?

 

I think none of us can give you a remedy to your problem, you have to look within yourself and realize what's stopping you. Each of us have our own reasons. Some are very open and fall in love so easily, some are not.

 

My problem personally - last time I was in love was 5 years ago, since then my 2 last boyfriends somehow didn't bode well with my heart - I was not in love with them.....can't explain why it's hard to fall in love for me. Even though I spent a year with each of them....

 

But I must say, it's not the end of the world, you'll fall in love eventuallly - we all do, sooner or later.

[asdf]

i know what you mean. i'm the same way. i think i know why i am though. i'm a bit of an outsider in most respects. don't wanna sound coc.ky (god, they banned the word cause of the first 4 letters), but i am smarter than most people. i graduated university at an age where people are still at high school. and because of age gaps, there's always been a difference between me and everybody else, which may not be a big deal ten or twenty years down the line, but the age difference is still huge now.

 

when I was 17 I started working at a corporation where the next youngest person i knew was 25. it's not bad, cause i'm pretty used to being around older people, but at the same time, it's like "Nobody can really understand what it's like for me".

 

I've found that most girls I meet just can't understand me, cause they haven't really been through what i have. so it always kinds of makes me unwilling to open myself up to them. i'm not sure if i ever will find somebody who can really get me.

[From_Now_On]

I know how you feel. I went so long thinking: Heck, I'll never date. I'd see a cute or "hot" guy every now and then...but nothing would 'click'. OR I'd even have a close guy friend...still...nothing. I didn't even know if I believed in all this 'love' business. In truth, I did want someone...but there just didn't seem to be anyone. I went for three years without dating...and I planned on even longer. But things change. Guys would ask me out...nice guys, even good looking guys. I'd befriend them and all that...but when they'd ask me if I "liked" them...my answer was always the same: "Sorry, I don't date". I just had no interest. Well, I suppose that's not true...I did like the idea of having something, but I wanted it to be something REAL. Not just physical or whatever else. BUT, then I met Benjamin. I got to be close friends with him..and I suppose I did find myself attracted to him in time. However, before he could even ask, I told him I did not date. Well, eventually...we did. We are dating and it's so crazy because I just...really never expected this. But I'm so happy with him. I'm so glad I didn't just settle for someone I felt nothing for. Those few years of waiting...any length of waiting, would be worth it. Maybe there really is only one person out there for some of us. I strongly suggest you not get too hung up on this and look ever-so-hard just for a "place holder". Because then you might have the spot filled when "Mr. Right" finally comes a-knockin'. I can say from experience: The wait is SO worth it. There's nothing like the feeling of finding someone and knowing that you didn't just give your heart out half-heartedly to various no ones. Anyway, that's just my advice.

 

Take care and GOODLUCK!

[MarkUK]

Nevelinde - don't worry about it. I can relate to you too, as I struggle to find women whom I would want to form that bond with - see ladies, not all man chat-up anything in a skirt - but when you do, which you will, you will realise that he is very special to you. If he is your Mr. Right, he will be flattered that you have chosen him and happiness will come your way.

 

Incidentally, never compare yourself with us, as we are all individuals.

[Santa]

Isn't just me then

I see mostly faults in peoples looks, rather than good things, so I really have to convince myself to go on a date with someone, and when I do, I usually don't feel special or anything, just kind of bored. I think the problem comes from other people commenting on my good points and making me feel better than most people feel, so I see myself as a cut above most people. I am straight though, I just have fairly high standards, that perhaps cannot be achieved? The ironic thing is when I see someone I like alot, I usually don't bother as I feel that they are out of my league, or a challenge.

I guess I love myself too much to love other people?

[Linlo]

Thanks for all the responses - you've all been very helpful =)

 

So I guess I'll just continue as I am and just ... not worry... yes. ^_^

[eagles04]

i know how u feel. i felt the same way all da time. i have set a high limit for me w/ guys they has to played sports in hs or in college and his to have the same stuff in common w/ me. so its been hard for me cause ive never been kissed yet and i try to wait but the guys dont seem to be attracted to me. w/ all of the guys that has been hurting my heart they did play sports . but w/ my ex he didnt play any sports, i only had one guy , like 6 yrs ago. it was my best bud. well still buds. from that point on. i did like boys and i did take a big risk to tell them how i felt about them like over 100 times. well some were fine w/ it & became buds others didnt care & was mean to me.... ive been atracted to shy guys alot lately, but sill didnt hook up w/ them. guys would be affaid of me cause the way i look and cause i was stonger then they were in sports like wrestling and karate. they never appoach me at all. i would appoach them and still do. well some of the guys would firt w/ me and all and i firt back but they still didnt come up to me and ask me out. iam in my 4th yr of college 23 yrs old. i like these 8 guys at my college, and just the other day at one of the trips for geo. class went on , i told this kid that i like him and i wanted to get to know him more, but he said that he has a girl and that it was nice of me that i was honesty w/ him. well we do have things in common. and i also like his bud too , which he is real true to his studies in school so i dont know if i should tell him how i feel about him yet well me and this kid dont have any thing in common but i do feel an attracting w/ him. i just wait tell the time is right to tell them and still get rejected about more then 100 times, iam used to it , i dont cry or get depessed over it like some girls do cause i know that they are missing out on a great relationship w/ me cause i have a lot to offer to them. i just dont go up to them and kiss them right their, iam just not that kind of girl , iam just nice , kind , honesty , open minded , artistic , shy at first, very indepent, successful, confident w/ myself, intelligent, and very helpful to people. i just dont know why guys dont go for some one w/ those things. is it just the open minded and honesty thing that guys dont like? i do want a bf but evey time i tell a guy how i feel i get my heart broken , i really mad. see i do want to kiss these guys that i did have feeling for in hs and at my other college and at this new college that iam at ,i just dont know how to go about it. like should i just tell them that i want to make out w/ them or what ? peace out if u want to know more about me go to my pages at link removed w/ sn jackassbee and at link removed w/ sn bluesmiley00 , i got pictures at those pages so let me know what u think