i'm afraid to hurt anyone

[excelalways]

i've gotten to the point where i feel absolutely worthless. i feel like i am a waste and that i have let down everyone i know. i have a boyfriend of almost two years, and i feel like i'm wasting his time. i love him, and i believe him when he tells me that he loves me....which brings me to my next point..

 

i know i'm not worthless. i don't understand why i feel the way i do. i know i have a family and boyfriend that love me and are very proud of me, but i still always feel so..down. i'm always sad and i usually cry just about every night. i feel like i have cheated them all in some way, making them believe that i am some great person when i'm not.

 

i really want to understand why i feel the way i do. i'm not the most attractive, but i get by, and i do not have a nice body (which bothers me very, very much). i don't think i'm very smart, though i really try to be.

 

i'm really afraid of hurting anyone. i love them all but i am always thinking of stupid things like 'getting rid of myself.' most the time i honestly think that i am just ready to die. it makes me feel aweful to admit that, but i do. i would never take my own life, but if something were to happen to me that would put my life at risk, i wouldn't put up much of a fight. i'm just sort of waiting for something to happen.

 

i do not want to hurt anyone that i love, and i don't want them to worry about me. i dont think its worth their worries.

 

i'm really scared, please help me out

[Smusher]

Your puttin up a fight right now arentchya?

you didnt come on here to give up.

You came on here to start puttin up a fight.

Its alright to feel like you are feeling.

And its alright to ask for help and admit that you arent feeling like

YOU THINK you should be.Tell your doctor and ask him for some advice or for something you can maybe take to get a focus back. A bandaid.

And Just remember that lots of people feel like you do. And some of the people that you think should feel like you do, dont.

Like bums and prostitutes.

Your not a bum or a hooker right?

You have both yer arms n both yer legs?

And your youth!!

Ask yourself what this sadness ultimately comes from. Like where is its beginning?

Then mabe you can lay down a track for it up against a brick wall where it will have to come to an end.

If it goes throught the brick wall Like a locomotive, then build anopther track for it right to the base of a mountain. If it still has enough power it will just shoot right into space, and youll never have to worry about it again.

NEVER think about offing yourself when you still have people on this earth who love you.

[SecondChance]

It sounds like you may be suffering from depression, which can be caused, among other things, by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is not your fault, you didn't do anything to "make" it happen - it's a very very common condition.

 

Depression is usually treated through counseling, medication or both.

 

The ideal next step would be to see a therapist - a counselor who specializes in treating people with depression. If you have insurance, try to find one through your plan. Or, contact your doctor and see if he or she knows any counselors and can recommend one.

 

Then, you should see a psychiatrist - a medical doctor who specializes in mental and emotional conditions. Again, if you have health insurance, see if you can make an appointment with a one through your plan. He or she will ask you questions to see if you really have clinical depression, and if you do, will prescibe medicine.

 

Many times, insurance plans have people go to primary care doctors FIRST - try not to do this. Primary care doctors do not specialize in emotional conditions, and they are not as skilled in asking questions to see if people are really clinically depressed. And, they usually they reach for whatever medication is on hand - maybe Prozac, maybe something else.

 

I'm a therapist, and that's why I'm recommending these things. You sound like a young woman who has a lot going for you. You don't need to be this unhappy - and unless something traumatic has happened to you, it's not "normal" to be so unhappy without a good reason. Many times, we don't realize how unhappy we really are until we talk about it with someone else. Help is out there.

[nexus532]

sorry if i may sound like a jerk but try this. When i was in high school i ate alot of fast food, its good why wouldn't i, I was envolved in almost all school sports and academic programs. But i still would go home feeling like crap, i didn't know why. In my Senior year i took a Prep for life class (which was the best class ever) i learned that eating all these unheathy foods can cause depression because they are starving you brain of the nutrients that it needs to function correctly. I quit the bad eating started to eat healthy foods, NOT on a diet but just preventing myself form engaging in any fast foods. In 2 weeks my body was completely flushed out. I would awaken with a good feeling and go home with plenty of energy. You can try this if you want , Whats two weeks with no fast food when you have the chance to feel great.

 

Also don't look as yourself as all negative, If you think positive then you will feel positive

[excelalways]

i can't really talk to a doctor or anyone of the sort about this. to do that i need money, and i'm on my mother's insurance, and i really don't want her to know. my mother is the type of person that would completely blame herself for me feeling the way i do. i love her and it is not her fault, and i don't want her to blame herself for it.

it is not her fault at all, though there are a few things she could do to help me out. she's always so woried and torn up about everything (and i'm afraid to end up the same way).

 

about the food. i understand entirely. i try my best to stay away from it anyway. if I have fast food, its usually something along the lines of subway or a wrap or something. nothing icky and greasy.

 

and where it comes from. that's my problem. i can't seen to understand why i feel the way i do. i don't know where its from. but it is made worse by other, insignificant things (such as my body or how smart i feel that day, or if i am worth anyones time..blah blah)

 

thank you for your help. keep it comin'

[Celadon]

If you really want to do something about your situation, go see a counselor. You'll obviously need to see a free counselor, since you don't have any money. What about at your school? Or call up a suicide hotline. It should be in your phone book. They can refer you to counseling services. Tell them you don't have money to pay.

 

One thing I can tell from your post - like many people, you're not going to get better all by yourself, because you've already been trying. So go get some outside help. There's nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. I have, and I feel so much better!