Just looking for some insight. I don't know what to think anymore.

[sibelius9]

Please...anyone's thoughts on the matter.

 

Long story short: my girlfriend (whom I lived with for two years and raised a step daughter with) broke up with me 4 months ago, after we graduated college and moved to another state to try out some jobs. we always had an intense sense of love for each other and we fought against much adversity to be together (her family and I don't click very well....although I acknowledge now that I could have tried a lot harder to win them over). Our relationship was swept into a maelstrom of difficulties (from existential to financial to emotional, etc.) and she felt she needed to return to her parent's home so that we could work on ourselves and see what is in store for us if and when we cross that bridge. never, even during this break up, have either one of us felt any less love for each other or any less desire to marry when the time is right. fast forward four months and the break up has become an emotional roller coaster until she finally mustered the courage to initiate no contact as of a month a go. actually, this sunday will be 1 month of nc. neither one of us could do it for that long....it was just to hard to not keep in touch constantly...but....we needed this.

 

all of a sudden, earlier this week, she emails my best friend asking if he would "please tell her how I'm doing". So he responds with the truth (I have come a LONG WAY emotionally and spiritually since this all started) and he sent her his own regards. She did not answer that night but she did the following day (today...late in the day). basically, she sent her regards to him and his girlfriend and reminded them that she loves them and is happy that she can be cordial with them. she then went on to say that she figured I would get on my feet easier without her "drama" keeping my down and by "relying on myself". she was happy to hear of my progress but did admit that it has been very hard for her and she feels a "tremendous hole" in her life because our separation is more of a "divorce" than just a "break up". she claims to be working hard on herself and her goals and is feeling a little better with each passing day.

 

I was stupid enough to then send her a one line email (and trust me I have been fighting this for a month) in which I said : "I can honestly say that I have never missed anyone this much. Ever. You have been such an important part of my life". So she responded about an hour or so later (I did not expect her to). She asked if my friend told me that they emailed each other (duh?) and that she was still not ready to talk to me. She then mentioned that she did need something sent, if possible at any point, that she needs to take up her instrument again and give lessons (you see....I'm a professional classical musician and because of what I do she fell in love with music again. She had once tried to major in Music performance but gave up and switched to Fine Arts. She's a magnificent painter but I always told her that she is also a wonderful closet musician who should consider rediscovering that talent....I, on the other hand am a frustrated painter. lol). After the whole "business aspect of her response" (which kinda hurt me but at least she shared that she's taking up music again) she finished off with: of course I miss you too, I love you tremendously but I do not want to talk to you yet and I am sorry if this is hurtful to hear. Please keep working hard on your music because that is what you have to offer the world. I am working diligently on my paintings. Continue to take care of yourself. She then signed of with "I love you so much" but in spanish (which is my first language and which she learned in college to be able to speak fluently with my family and friends. I have always been honored and touched by her effort). Curiously enough...she put a P.S.: "I'm losing my Spanish (she lives in a one horse town in the middle of nowhere north Florida). That's it. I responded with one line "your music books are safe in a storage". She did not respond but she did go on to her Facebook wall and wrote (in Spanish)...."who am I and where I am heading".

 

This is the woman that said she will always feel intensely for me and longs to marry me more than anything else. She calls me her soul mate and the greatest person in her life. She says she has never loved anyone this much and that no one has ever loved her as much as I have. She says that a love like ours doesn't just go away like that but we need to be patient and positive and try to see the light at the end of all this pain we have been through.

 

So........can there really ever be any resolution between us? I'm so perplexed by the recent events in communication (and lack there of). Please....anyone's thoughts on the matter. I just want different ideas to contemplate. I am very sorry about the length of this post. You are a very caring person if you made it this far. Thank you and I hope to be there for any of you in your times of doubts and concerns. That's why we're here, right?

 

Again...thanks for any words that come my way.

 

RC

[DN]

Sorry, but your best bet is to assume this relationship is over permanently and move on.

[iamkaylee]

I really don't know what to say about where your relationship might be going or not. It sounds like you were both simply overwhelmed with "stuff" and there weren't any real problems between you that couldn't be solved.

 

For now, respect what she says about not being ready to talk yet. Maybe when she gets some things straight for herself, you'll be able to have some kind of resolution. Meantime, keep working on yourself. That's all you can do.

 

Sending hugs and good wishes your way.

[sibelius9]

Thank you for the positive energy.

[20sgal88]

It's so frustrating when people contradict themselves. I’d let her be. If she wanted to be with you that much she would be working on the relationship come hell or high water. I’m in a somewhat similar situation. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up. He initiated it. I suggested couple’s therapy/counseling. He didn’t want anything to do with it and said he wants to see what else is out there and date other people. Yet, he keeps texting and calling me telling me how lonely he is and if we can just go to the movies as friends, etc.

 

This is what I think in regards to these matters: you’re either with someone or not. You should not blur the lines and keep in contact with a person if you’re not together. There’s part of me that feels that’s mean but it’s really not! You can civilly end affairs and wish each other the best and move on with your life.

 

That just doesn’t make any sense. You’re the best loves of each other’s lives and everything is so intense and special but she splits. Don’t waste your time on her, man. You seem very intelligent and articulate and have much to offer to the world so you don’t need this emotional drama, complications and drain.

[sibelius9]

I can see your point of view and it certainly is food for thought. Now...if only it were easier to turn off what you feel for someone. Thank you for your words.

[Justme3]

I agree with 20sgal88. The line shouldn't be blurred. You're either with someone or you're not. She seems to love you, but not enough to stay with you in a relationship? How much love or what type of love are you willing to accept from her?

[Lostndazed]

When you love someone intensely, you question your own sanity, your own judgment. It works for you and yes sometimes against you. People think that if this person loves you, they will do this and that. they live in this mentality that "LOve trumps all".... I think maybe those are the hopeless romantics- being inclined that love should know no baggage. Sounds like maybe she feels that she needs time on her own to grow without you being there for her- and she feels the same way about you.

 

I do agree that when two people are in love at a young age, which happened to me, you stop growing to be individuals but more like partners. Maybe she feels guilty that she held you back, but I think she also wants to be apart so she can grow- why would she move so far away from you? All you can do is give her support for her decision.