Losing my mind??

[Panther_Dude]

So, I had a dream I kissed Maxie from General Hospital. That is good part. The much later on in day, at night, I had day dream or maybe even short dream of me losing it, and tearing my face off...because I've never been kissed. Fun Fact. On my fav soap, the fake Duke Lavery wears a latex Duke Mask that he rips off.

 

Anyway...

 

 

I also took this test a few days ago....

 

link removed

 

Got a 55 then, just got a 53 when I took it again.

 

I dunno what to do anymore...I honestly don't. I'm eating less...but living at home, only two paper routes as a gig...on parents insurance...I'm 5'5 and weigh 126. I have a check up Dec 13th...regular check up...won't mention this problem, but will ask to screen for a STD. The woman I love, I feel doesn't love me...3 years of no contact, now we are friends on Facebook...yet, most of time when she is on she doesn't see my messages or just briefly talks to me.

 

 

Day or two ago I was washing hands....but saw my wrists cut and blood flowing in the sink...so, I guess add bad thoughts in my head. Well....no. I've been a self injurier since 16, 25 now. But this was first time I washed my hands and my mind played a trick on me.

[Panther_Dude]

-_- getting slightly worse if anyone cares. Bleak, the one woman I love doesn't love me or is too busy to even get on Facebook and respond to me. I weight myself at night, last night was 125. I eat two very small meals a day, with caffeine intakes of soda/coffee...some water, maybe some Trumoo chocollate milk (Made by PET, no HFCS in it). I just want to be happy...happy...be with the woman I love and get better and find a job and move out...but I seriously doubt any of that is happening. Only thing I can control is my food intake...I die, I die, fine...if I had cancer, I wouldn't fight it. I'm tired...it's a battle to even eat right now...

[Heather Dawn]

You need professional help, which no one here can give you.

[Panther_Dude]

You need professional help, which no one here can give you.

 

That would not make me happy or even get me a job. It would only hold me back and I have no money for that anyway. I know what I want to be happy. I want to be with her, have a decent job, and move out of parents house. But I have 3 cats, so moving out and taking all 3 would be tough. My brother, who is deaf, loves the cats. So even taking one may be a problem.

 

Everybody would make fun of me if I got help, and I would never get her. But yes, I have a doctor appointment Dec 13th, so who knows...I feel like life is a game of checkers or chess...and the moves I have available are becomes fewer and fewer. Yes, some things make me happy for a bit. Um, Trapt song 'End of my rope' is a great song About not giving up basically. General Hospital. My cats. But there's really no one in my life...I'm not a family person.

[chitown9]

Sounds like you are suffering from depression. If so, the doctor will be able to help in that regard. I would give up on this girlfriend. She is showing zero interest in you. It is a loosing proposition for you.

[Panther_Dude]

Sounds like you are suffering from depression. If so, the doctor will be able to help in that regard. I would give up on this girlfriend. She is showing zero interest in you. It is a loosing proposition for you.

 

-_- I'm not giving up on her. Don't you understand love at first site or being in love? I get depressed, I get depressed, FINE.