Is this stage normal? Is it a step to being well?

[TRM38]

My ex and I of over 6 yrs broke up 4 months ago, I made all the mistakes, trying to hard , we hung out some , hooked up twice( both her invite and of course I jumped) for 4 months everytime I thought of any good times or memories, I had tears in my eyes, iv been a wreck really . I function ok in daily life but evenings r horrible. Yesterday I found out she has met someone and gone on a couple dates, we keep in contact, she was my best friend, first love and I'm 38 lol. So this pain is all new to me really. Anyway since she told me yesterday iv felt dead inside , I feel nothing.. I think of anything to do with her and now I c her doing all those things with new guy and my thoughts bounce back out of the visual.. No pain nothing, dead inside. Before I found out if I pictured her with someone it upset me, I felt love for her, missed her deeply.. Now I feel nothing.. Is this normal have I hit rock bottom? Is it a stage that means progress to healing? Is anyone familiar with this that can please explain?

[sharky988]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! At 40 I was divorced from a long-term marriage so I really can empathize with your position a bit.

 

For the past 4 months, you've been in contact and in a way "weaning" yourself off the relationship. But now that she's got someone else in the picture, it really IS time to walk away. For yourself, for your own protection, I would consider a period of No Contact now. You will find it is harder in the very beginning, but it becomes easier in time and it protects you from all the fresh new incoming pain this situation is about to bring upon you.

 

It's time for YOU to become your best friend. She's not your best friend anymore, she's now just an ex-girlfriend. Your NEXT girlfriend will be your new best friend -- yayyy! -- but until this happens, it's time for you to look out for YOU. You come first right now. Your life. Your healing.

 

And in answer to your question : YES, this stage is very very normal. It's the point at which the pain of contact becomes so overwhelming that No Contact becomes a healthier option.

 

Keep strong -- keep posting -- you're not alone! We've all been there, too.

[Saudades]

You should take it as a sign to START moving on, bc you've never actually let go of her.

 

Cut her out of your days without drama - you need the space to get your life in order and your independence back. No lurking facebook, remind yourself of her choice when you're worrying about her, and don't perk up when she reaches out wondering where her faithful boy went. You've been an emotional footrest for her so she didn't have to face the consequences of breaking up, and this 'friendship' is 100% toxic to you.

 

Btw you're 38 not 83, don't sweat it. Try to focus on a new skill, or work on yourself health/careerwise. You'll get your distractions, an ego boost when you realise what you can do with or w/o her, and you'll end up being a more attractive catch too. You managed to pull a gf before and you're that much wiser now.

[spd19]

Hey,

I am sorry your feeling that way, I am familiar with the "dead" feeling you describe; it's like you are a zombie, and feel nothing towards her: the ultimate indifference.

 

The problem is, that most likely this feeling is temporarly, when te idea that she is with someone else sinks in, you will feel bad again. I know how it feels, i am

4 months post BU of a 6yrs rs. It's the hardest thing I have gone tru in my life.

 

All i can tell you is that everything will be alright, do NC and start moving on, she is not the one for you, and all these feeling will fade away with time.

[Limiya]

Go strict NC if that is possible. It's the only way to help yourself really. I am only 2.5 months post BU of a 6 yr relationship, so i understand, and i am looking forward to the day that i feel nothing towards him, indifference at the thought of them both together. It's too early for that yet.

Just accept your emotions for what they are. They are a process, and everyone's process is different depending on how much contact they have with their ex, and how long the relationship was etc etc.

You will one day feel a real good connection with another person, and your healing is vital to being able to reach that point. Concentrate on yourself, love yourself, look after yourself and you'll get there just fine

 

Limiya

[TRM38]

Thank you for the kind caring words, iv been considering nc for a month now and have been thinking it is inevitable. I know it's wrong to stay in contact but that's a hard leap to take and since the breakup iv hoped we could work things out. She's a good woman, I nicknamed her Beautiful because she is in every way.