MicheleDC Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 What are some strategies you use when you know you have a problem with talking too much? My older sister used to dominate conversations and my parents would tell her it was my turn to talk. She would roll her eyes and not listen. I didn't start talking a lot until I was in my 20s. Then I started talking too much. I try to ask questions while having a conversation to get the other person talking. I have been told that some people don't like the questioning, sounds like criticisms, especially at work. Any suggestions for just keeping your mouth shut? Keeping opinions to yourself? Actively listening, showing interest in others? Link to comment
llw11 Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Are you just talking for the sake of it or are you genuinely interested in getting to know these people in general? Are you extroverted? I think the main thing to consider is being observant. You have to be aware of the other person; watch for their reactions. Are they wanting conversation? Did they start out wanting small talk then had enough? There are always cues that people will give to let you know if they want to continue the conversation or not. If people aren't engaging eye contact or keeping answers to yes/no/maybe/i guess so/etc. then it might be time to stop. If they engage and also keep it two way then keep going. Link to comment
MicheleDC Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 I am not extroverted, but introverted. I actually don't enjoy talking that much. Link to comment
llw11 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 So why are you talking that much then? If you're truly introverted, then you'd find it quite painful and draining and you'd like nothing more than for most people to just leave you alone unless they want/need something in particular. Link to comment
MicheleDC Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 I do find it draining and painful to talk too much. I sometimes go to the opposite extreme by not speaking at all or limiting interactions with people with whom I have a difficult time carrying on a conversation. I asked for strategies to not talk so much, from people who know what I am talking about.mI am sure I am not the only one who has a problem with talking too much and just being quiet. Link to comment
Rio123 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I don't have any advice really as I have the same problem but I know how you feel. I'm very introverted but I talk constantly to avoid silence. I can't help myself "filling in the gaps". Its very draining but I fear the awkward silences in conversation. My strategy at the moment is to only ask questions and practice focusing on the other person. I try to read their reactions carefully too. Its not shut me up completely but it helps me feel like I'm not boring the pants off them. Hope someone with better advice chimes in soon Link to comment
MicheleDC Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 Rio123: Thanks. I get confused because I know people don't like when I don't speak at all. I am trying to find balance in my conversations. When I get my hair cut, I notice most of the other clients are not talking at all. I actually like to chit chat a bit with my hair stylist. I am going to practice at my next hair appointment just saying hi and how are you but not chit chatting. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 What are some strategies you use when you know you have a problem with talking too much? My older sister used to dominate conversations and my parents would tell her it was my turn to talk. She would roll her eyes and not listen. I didn't start talking a lot until I was in my 20s. Then I started talking too much. I try to ask questions while having a conversation to get the other person talking. I have been told that some people don't like the questioning, sounds like criticisms, especially at work. Any suggestions for just keeping your mouth shut? Keeping opinions to yourself? Actively listening, showing interest in others? How about only asking questions when you need to actually find out some information from someone instead of just a ploy to get people talking. I don't like answering nonsense questions - I feel that's rude and an intentional way to waste my time. If you don't have anything real to say, don't talk. Much better than just blabbing to fill space because you're uncomfortable with silence. Link to comment
MicheleDC Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 How about only asking questions when you need to actually find out some information from someone instead of just a ploy to get people talking. I don't like answering nonsense questions - I feel that's rude and an intentional way to waste my time. If you don't have anything real to say, don't talk. Much better than just blabbing to fill space because you're uncomfortable with silence. Thanks. I am not uncomfortable with silence. Sometimes people will ask me what is wrong because I am being so quiet. I over correct by then talking too much. Not quite sure how to find a balance. I must practice reading cues from people and being more aware of the context. Link to comment
happpybear Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 How about only asking questions when you need to actually find out some information from someone instead of just a ploy to get people talking. I don't like answering nonsense questions - I feel that's rude and an intentional way to waste my time. If you don't have anything real to say, don't talk. Much better than just blabbing to fill space because you're uncomfortable with silence. ya I agree with this, I have a friend who is really socially awkward and she asks constant questions. and brings up topics that she knows get me talking (things that press my buttons) and it annoys me. she doesn;t have much to say about herself when you try to get her to talk either, so turning it back on her doesn't work. and she doesn't have much to contribute by way of her own opinions so basically it is a one sided convo, and she does it to get me to fill up silence... I had a coworker like this too, she would always turn the convo back on you, and afterwards i would always feel like i just dominated the convo talking, which isn't my style, but this girl always turned everything back to me, so it was inevitable, It made me avoid having convo's with her because i always felt weird after, like bad that i talked to much, and weird that she didn't participate.... Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Thanks. I am not uncomfortable with silence. Sometimes people will ask me what is wrong because I am being so quiet. I over correct by then talking too much. Not quite sure how to find a balance. I must practice reading cues from people and being more aware of the context. When they ask you what's wrong, tell them nothing. You don't need to 'correct' a problem that doesn't exist. Someone else doesn't like silence, that's their problem, not yours. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 What I do is stay aware of keeping quiet, of not jumping in to finish someone's sentence - and it becomes a (good) habit after awhile. I also try to avoid focusing on what I want to say next and instead focus on what the person is saying. Link to comment
Celadon Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Yeah, I can relate. The problem people have with what you're describing is that talking too much = using a lot of words to say not very much. Try to use silence to think about what you are going to say next, rather than just saying it without thinking. That's what I'm working on. I normally am very quiet too. Link to comment
Princy Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I agree completely with Rio123, me too introvert I don't know for some reason I cant keep quiet you know the silent environment..I just ask questions or i try to fill the gap of silence..I do not make that boring place I do little chit chat and I bet the opposite person likes it..its very puzzling for me...whether am really an introvert or extrovert..coz i speak to few people around me...atleast I can make the person feel comfortable..rather.. Link to comment
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