Your friend or S/O is very stressed, how do you handle it?

[stonecutters93]

I've been posting on here a lot lately, but I find this site incredibly helpful in terms of venting and solving situations.

 

So I have a current scenario, in which I have a best friend who has had a very stressed out couple of weeks. However I can't go much into detail about it because she won't talk to me much, and we went from talking everyday to talking maybe once every 3-4 days. Now we have plans for this weekend, and I've sent her a message today asking if she still wants to hang out, but with no response. I don't want to keep pestering her about everything that's going on, but she's also aware that I'm always there for her whenever she needs it. I also don't want to be clingy or needy, and just add unnecessary pressure to the situation by constantly messaging her.

 

A few days ago she responded to one of my messages by saying she was sorry I didn't hear from her, but that I wouldn't have wanted to because she'd be very unpleasant. So I responded by saying I always love hearing from her, and that if she needed anything to just go ahead and ask. Slight background if it helps; we normally talk almost everyday and usually hang out at least once a week (distance), but there are times where I'll barely hear from her for about a week, and I'd like to get back to talking with her everyday.

 

So a few questions that come out of this:

 

1) How would you handle a situation when you have someone is very stressed out and doesn't talk much?

 

2) Is it better to try and talk with her about it, or should I let her deal with it and wait for her to come to me?

 

3) Is a message every 2-3 days enough to give her space, but show her I still care and that I want to talk and hang out with her?

[CeeLambrini]

I think you've just got to sit tight and wait for her to contact you. You've let her know that you're there if she wants to talk, but don't take it personally if she's found a way to vent somewhere else. If you've made plans with her, however then it would be hurtful towards you to not get in contact to at least cancel with an apology rather than just leave you hanging. Otherwise perhaps just let her get her head together herself, and if she needs you she'll let you know

[itsallgrand]

I just ask my friend what she needs when situations like this arise. Even if you are stressed though, it's only fair and part of friendship to at least let the other person in on the basics of what is going on - as far as if you are going to be available, or if you'll have time, that kind of thing.

 

I don't know about other people, but it's normal in my friendships to go periods of time where we don't talk every day.

[Ayanokōji]

What you should do in that situation is let her know that you are there if she ever needs you and then stop talking to her all the time. When someone is stressed with work they are usually focused on work and you asking them to go out and do other things is kind of an interruption which causes the person's attention to shift and thus somewhat counter productive unless you can offer a solution to directly solve her stress. When she finishes her work and has time for you, then you can pour as much attention onto her as you like.

[Fudgie]

Let her know that you're there for her, send her what's up texts once in a while, and just sort of keep your distance. Sounds like she is stressed and needs to get things done.

[Weeb]

I'm usually the stressed out friend or SO, and I think giving some space is good. I tend to get pretty unpleasant by the end of the day if I'm stressed, and just sitting back and relaxing for a bit is what helps. If I talk to people too soon I'll say a bunch of stuff I don't really want to. Sending an occasional text is fine to let her know you're there for her, but if you don't get a response it's probably just her being busy or needing some time to herself.