Girlfriend is definitely cheating on me

[BrownEyedGuy]

Hey,I posted a topic a couple of days ago saying that I was suspicious of my girlfriend. Well,I came accross a saved conversation of her with one hf her classmates in her senior year. They were flirting to say the least,and it seems they've already kissed and made out. They also discussed having sex sometime in the future. This is really a shock to me! What do I do? Do I tell her that I found out about it? Or do I hint to her? Or should I just keep quiet and see what happens? She still says she loves me and wants me forever,but why is she cheating?

[brwneyedwoman]

Hi browneyedguy, I will tell you this communication is key here.

When men or woman cheat in relationships or marriages it's usually because they are not happy that something in there relationship is missing. My advice to you is still keep your eyes and hears open but you must talk with her and i mean talk tell her no yelling or fighting you should be able to talk this out like civilized adults right! If she doesn't want to hear this or talk about it then she is definitly not trying in this relationship to make it work. Be open with her and tell her how you feel about her and ask her if she is happy and if there is anything that is bothering her in your relationship. Tell her you want to be there for her and you need to know how she is feeling. If she wishes not to elaborate on how she is feeling then i suggest that you see it for what it is and try to realize that maybe she does have feelings for someone else and that if her heart is with someone else well then how can she love you! I urge you strongly that if you can't trust your girlfriend and you have doubts about her being true to you then she doesn't deserve you. This is when i would move on. I think when you have this descussion and you ask her if she is happy and if something is bothering her, if she says everything is fine and she is happy then tell her about what you know, afterall what's the worst thing that could happen? At this point she has cheated so communication is key you must tell her what you know. Please do this in a civilized way. I wish you well! good luck! brwneyedwoman

[brandos lovechild]

why should he communicate in a civilised way ? would you communicate in a civilised way? if you would, u r either a nun, a mute or incredibly weak. YEAH sit down with a cup of coffee, then rent the sound of music on video, perhaps give her a massage and wait for her to spirt her lies. ACTIONS=everything.......WORDS=nothing !!! Whatever she says will be crap anyway... if all's fair in love and war, then s hit in her food and p iss in her drink..in a 'civilised' manner of course.

[owlman]

I think I would opt for a more middle of the road approach than those previous 2 suggestions.

[BrownEyedGuy]

Hey,thanks for all the replies.

I spoke to her and I didn't tell her that I had got the conversation from her email account. I just asked her if she was planning to cheat,and my god,she got so mad! She threatened to stab herself with a knife,then she broke some things. She told me she hated that guy (and yet their conversation was hardly like 'hate'). I don't understand why she's behaving like this...I just wish I could die. I'm fed up of everything!!! I'm not gonna get another g/f like her.

[brandos lovechild]

she doesn't hate that guy, she thinks he spilled the beans to you..thats y shes sayin it, also thinkin you'll accept her anger for guilt,which im hoping you wont ! Tell her she's a bitch and move on out....RAAWWHHIIDDEE !! 8)

[brwneyedwoman]

What i meant by civilized is aleast try to talk with one another, other than shouting and getting all upset with eachother now we must keep in mind that she has not slepted with the other guy and that maybe their relationship can be saved this is all i was trying to say. It is notably clear that we have some people here giving un reasonable advice. This guy does not hate her he has feelings for her and wants to try and work things out. I think that if they were to talk and communicate more in an understanding way then things could be out in the open. We will solve nothing with bad language or indecent comments it only fuels the fire and nothing will come out of it. i understand your very angry knowing all what you have said but she hasn't acted on anything only a kiss and even so this is wrong of her, you must let her know that you are aware of it, and if she presues this guy any further then it will be over between the two of you! I hope i've cleared up any misconceptions regarding my reply. And as for Brando's lovechild's comments i believe you should keep them to yourself if you are going to continue with your current approach. Because you are acting very unprofessional here to be giving any advice if need be. And i'm not a nun or mute or weak but i know now from your poor choice of words that you are very imature. But i need not comment anymore because it's people like you that ruin it for everybody else all i was trying to do here is help and from your words i just can't imagine that you have helped here. Maybe this is the way you live your life and words of your wisdom you live by. sad really! I rest my case!

[Tellin It Like It Is]

Hi. What if you printed out the saved conversation you found, sat down with her, handed it to her and said, "I'm not looking for excuses. This hurt me a lot. Do you want this relationship, and if so, what are you prepared to do to start working on it?" Start there. You sound like you're actually hoping to get through this with her, and I wish you the best of luck.

[lonelyone2000]

my gf cheated on me 2 but it dint start with online flurting and kissing they jus wentahead and had sex and then she dumped me and gave me a lame excus 2. so i think that there are a million ways to get cheated on or to cheat and the only way aroud it is to have a good open communication relationsihp wit the g.

 

so it sux man but sumtimes theres nuthing u can do.

 

i think we r all looking for sumone that will be honest and talk with us, so good luck to every1 out there.

[Enigmatic]

Hey,thanks for all the replies.

I spoke to her and I didn't tell her that I had got the conversation from her email account. I just asked her if she was planning to cheat,and my god,she got so mad! She threatened to stab herself with a knife,then she broke some things. She told me she hated that guy (and yet their conversation was hardly like 'hate'). I don't understand why she's behaving like this...I just wish I could die. I'm fed up of everything!!! I'm not gonna get another g/f like her.

 

You have discovered my friend the infamous "Damn I am caught, time to turn it around" response that is typical of cheaters.

 

I knew someone like this, someone who turned something that was clearly their wrongdoing into me being the one at fault and they did so with such anger and such venom that it took me by surprise.

 

Think about it... if your girlfriend accused you of cheating when you knew you hadn't, would you be outrageously angry? or would you be sad or hurt? I am sure you are saying the latter. We all would... When someone takes something like that and shows anger they are basically saying to you "Feel Pain! How dare you expose what I have done and make me face my own guilt. You are thereforeeeeee the enemy and should be punished".

 

My advice is simple... YOU are the one in power, sit her down with the conversation and ask her why she shouldn't be thrown out the door immediately. If she truly does love you then she will make an effort to rectify the problem... if she doesn't then she isn't worth it. I know it isn't easy to give someone up (regardless of how bad they treat you sometimes) but you will thank yourself in the future.

[brandos lovechild]

Would you want your best friend to be treated like this by his gf..or a brother to b treated that way ? No , of course you wouldn't, so why would you need to ever talk to this skank again? There is no need. " i hate that guy "...yeah, i bet she hates him to death !

[jimbucktwo1776]

want to borrow my 12 guage? haha-just a joke.

 

 

Dump her and move on, she's cheating on you, and plans to do so in the future. DUMP HER.

 

 

Be civilized, yes. But dump her and move on. It's over-once a cheater-ALWAYS a cheater.

 

 

Jimbucktwo1776

 

 

That's that.

[BigTStrongBad]

Hi, all. My girlfriend and I have been dating since February. We're both writers and have quite a bit in common. We're supportive of each other as well. It's just lately she's been devoting more time to her work than usual. In the past, we've been going to movies or dinner on Saturday nights. Whenever I ask her if she wants to go out on Saturday night or spend the weekend together, she says she has a lot of work to do. Always on the weekend. She claims it's the only time she can get anything done. Now she says that her cellphone company is screwing her and she can't make any calls on her phone. I know I may be letting my mind wander, but it just dawned on me today. Could she be cheating on me? When she says she's writing, could she be with someone else?