4 months NC. Still trying to figure it out.

[applecat]

He left me 3 days before we planned to move into a new lovely house together. 3 days before my birthday too, after I treated him to his by taking him out and getting him a cake, etc. We were together nearly 3yrs.

 

We had to move back to our parents for a little while before the house sorted itself out (banks etc) and part of me guesses that the hassle-free life he had back home, both financially and whatnot, was easier than being tied down to me. we are both 25 though...a bit old for that? I have friends who are having their second children now. For over a year though his temper got worse. He wouldnt confront problems and talk about them, just left me there and switched off his phone so I couldnt contact him. When I was upset or simply had a bad day, he'd say I'm miserable. He threw me out of the car just because I said I wished he'd suggest more things for us to do. Thought it was ok to yell at me and swear at me.

 

We both thought things were getting better though. And we were happy. He even said that for months he was blissfully happy, and was jumping for joy when we got the house a month before we broke up.

 

Now we are both with parents and he's used the money for our house to buy himself a little racecar. It's become his obsession. Literally. He only talks about his car, and for ages he moaned to me about how he couldnt afford materialistic things like cars and PC upgrades when we lived together, yet said he was happy with me, when I set aside all my dreams for him. I could have travelled. I didnt, the money went on us. I could have moved away for a job I worked hard for...I didnt, because he was worried I'd "find someone better."

 

He went from saying he loved me to not loving me literally overnight. I did the standard begging crap, nothing worked. He was gone.

 

And it's been 4 months of nothing. I miss him so much, miss what we did together and even small crap like how we laughed at stupid videos. Why did he throw it all away? He signed up for online dating straight away after we broke up (for a week, he deleted it) which is so out of character for him. 2 weeks ago he unblocked me for a week on facebook but said nothing (and vice versa, its his move as far as contact goes), then blocked me again?

 

I've had urges to contact him lately just to ask how he is, maybe in the hopes we could be friends. But I know that's a bad idea, and if he cared enough he'd come for me.

 

But he hasn't. We loved eachother, I know we did.

 

What happened?! How can someone who thought he wasnt good enough for me block me from his life and tell me to find someone else?! When I was BEGGING for him back?!

[dylanfoster91]

My guess is he had been having second thoughts, and the thought of being trapped into housing together was the final push for him.

 

In a situation like this, I think it's best you just move on. Its hard, but you'll be alright.

[Gordita]

I understand your feelings, but I think you are way better off without him. Read your post again and notice how when you miss him you are only focusing on the good things. For what I can read, he was very selfish and mean. And you deserve someone that treats you better. Stay strong. Don't play his Facebook games. Trust me, this guy did you a big favor. Now is time to put yourself and needs first. Good luck!

[dustyman23]

Haha, My ex did the same thing in July of this year, after 2 months of NC unblocked me on FB for a week (this is how i found out she was in a relationship) to blocking me a few weeks later. Still 5 months of NC on both ends. Going on my 6 month now, I keep going from not caring to suddenly being depressed for a while.. This earlier this month I kept thinking about her and feeling down for a good 3 weeks... Feeling a bit better now though, lets see how it continues to go! remember hang in there! We are all going through this

[Mariana345]

OMG Halliwell your situation seems soooo similar to mine!! It's almost 4 months to me too after an (almost) 5 year relationship (both are 26 years old), we were saving to move in together, and he rather spend his money in games, cellphones, and cable tv... also he never wanted to do anything new with me, I was the one who always decided what to do (and then he told me I wasn't flexible and never did what he wanted to do... WT*...) Me, as well, had to give up some dreams (like study abroad and give up being a diplomat) and some months ago he started to pick up fights for silly things (and after we fought he said he wanted to work things out...).

 

The difference here is that he actually dated someone else the day before he left me and I think that was the real reason he left... You know, Men are childish (sorry guys, you know you are sometimes)... That is why I always wanted to date someone older, because they are really inmature at this age.

 

I was devastated and even stalked his fb account for the first three weeks, and his purchases... that is how I found out his moves and since that day I didn't wanted to know anything about him. I felt so humilliated and betrayed that I rather not know anything else, good or bad. And I was doing ok until yesterday that I went to his facebook account and find that he has deleted it!!! (I don't know why but it feels really great!) but now... I am much much better!!

 

You know, when he broke up with me he went straight with his female friends, dating, partying, not going home, etc. So it seemed he wanted his life back (what a life...) so I did the same... and you know what? I got thin, bought new clothes, date around a little (and actually I got a big bouquet of beautiful flowers and a weekend trip, really funny and romantic), started to pursue my dreams to being a diplomat again and study abroad... and I am leaving in February to China for 2 years at least!!! I've improved my life in these 4 months more than in those 5 years with him.

 

You can do it too!! You know, the best thing you can do for yourself, and to get a "revenge" is to better you life. To make them know that we are waaaaay more better without them, and to feel the real pain of their decision. I think they will regret, you won't spend so much time with someone and make all those plans without feelings and that will hit them sooner or later, and maybe when is really late (for them of course).

 

Stop wondering why he did that, it will drive you crazy and it doesn't worth it. He did it because he is inmature and childish, got scared and doesn't know what he wants from life. You know, actually it could be good for you. Even if he regrets and want to get back together (and only if you want to take him back) you can now have the control of your relationship, and do everything you want to do: travel, go to work somewhere else, and have the fun you want, he will "own it to you" (we know is not true, but the guilt will do the job XD).

 

Go and live your life, the life he was preventing you to have and prove to him what a big mistake he made, how happier you are withouth him and I have to say that the least you know about him and the least you analyze his motives the faster you will be healing. Seriously, prove to him what a big mistake he has made. Be happy