My Success Story

[jimbobday]

What I noticed when I was here after my previous breakups was there wasn't a lot of success stories so I thought I would put mine down to hopefully give a few people some hope.

 

What am I now 11 months post BU. Interesting because I myself never thought I would get this far in all honesty I thought I had endured a wound that was to deep to heal that no one had ever experienced the pain as bad as I had. I thought I was such a different case and that I could just never get over it. I bought into my own lie. People go through this pain everyday and they get through it everyday my pain was no different to anyone else's pain. Realizing this helped me immensely as if others could get through it so could I.

 

First of all a little background. We were together 6 years and we had plans of getting married and so on. When I went through my breakup I was borderline suicidal, Having daily panic attacks, almost lost my job and had to move back in with my parents so they could look after me through my emotional turmoil.

 

I think my healing really started when I got off this board and stopped complaining about my life and my situation and did something about it. This board is a great tool and an excellent place for support but if you have been here daily for a year going on about your past relationship you need to get out and do some things. Yes it is going to be hard work, yes it is going to hurt but it will change you for the better and will bring you closer to yourself than you have ever been.

 

On a more practical level. NC does work guys and girls there's a reason people suggest it and my healing didn't start until I accepted this was the way it has to be. I could have been through this a lot quicker if I had a bit more discipline to say no. I also found stopping romanticizing the relationship helped a lot. Things were wrong with it that's why there was a breakup. There are plenty of others out there just as good if not better than your ex so why wallow on them. Getting out with friends helped a lot as well just to get back to normal life.

 

When I came out of my relationship I had lost contact with all of my close friends, I managed to get back in touch with some of them but also went out and joined clubs and made new friends. Working out helped me a lot as well although not as much as others sometimes say it helped me to build up that self confidence again in some respect. Learn about yourself as well if you can afford it get some therapy I found this helped me grow my identity and give myself an inner strength that I have never had before.

 

So where am I at now. Well I've made a whole lot of new friends, I've lost 20kg, I've been promoted at work and i'm currently looking for a flat so I can move out on my own for the first time in my life. I'm stronger and more confident than I have ever been and its showing through the successes I am having in life.

 

The key to all of this is get out there and do it. Its going to be hard but it does get easier and life can get better than you have ever imagined take this from a guy that 11 months ago would have thought that none of this was ever possible.

[SoLost12]

Thank you so much for this.... Its SO nice to read. After this breakup I think one of the most painful things that I've realized is that I've never really taken the time to love me, to give the same love to myself that I showered him with. and WHY?? Is the pain REALLY about losing him... or about how much of myself IS currently lost? Spent alot of my life living for others, and for the first time in a long time that I'm seeing how much I need to face my own demons & take care of myself before I can find a relationship that is functional and good. Your life is a mirror of your inner self... and thus far my reflection has been a broken image.

 

I'm really just starting this journey- and I've been(more often than not) crying my eyeballs out in bed, depressed - just miserable. Today I woke up and ran for 45mins. Checked out a personal trainer at the gym... Went for dinner & a comedy show with some friends (had one of the comedians give me his number!! lol) And when I thought of them together, him holding her...telling her everything he used to tell me just a few months ago- I pushed the thoughts out of my head.

I really don't deserve that torture. And I will be in the arms of someone who TRULY cares about me, one day. One day when I truly care about me. Which is the most important thing to me right now...I really want to know what it feels like to feel like you!! Confident & Strong...

 

Similarly to you 11 months ago, I am on stress leave from work, at home... not happy with the job I have either way.

Its really nice to see how various aspects of your life came together once you let go and focused on you.... this is really inspiring. And made a big difference for me tonight...

 

"I also found stopping romanticizing the relationship helped a lot. Things were wrong with it that's why there was a breakup. "

 

That clicked!! THANKS FOR THE POST!!!

[Keykey]

I hope I can get through this, but right now it is REALLY hard!!!

[gtnovru]

Thank you for sharing! It's so reassuring to hear it gets better. But even more helpful, is hearing how you STOPPED moping and rebuilt your life. It's such a difficult process, but we have to... in order to survive the heartbreak.

 

Good books for recent DUMPEES...

 

1. It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken

2. So Long Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend

[Jaglostwife]

Great post Jimbobday. Glad to know that your life is headed in such a positive direction. Never easy to get yourself to the place where you are. Best of luck in everything!