Should I, or shouldn't I?

[MattW]

How to stop thinking about her?

 

Realize that there are millions of other women out in the world that could benefit with a relationship with you. The only reason you choose to "like" a girl after so many years is because that is your belief system. Allow yourself to get outside of your regular thinking box and try to meet other women with no intention other than to just MEET/hang out with them.

 

It's a great distraction AND you may surprise yourself in finding someone you hit it off with. Otherwise, your alternative is to wallow in your misery every day until you stop working with her. Try something different for once!

 

I dunno that I'd say it's my "choice" to like one girl every x amount of years, it's just... Well, a few years ago, I completely gave up on the idea of dating, finding "someone special", and having all that. It just didn't seem possible for me at the time. While my self-esteem isn't as low as it was back then, I continued to not bother "looking" for a girl. The truth is, I don't really like people, in general. Generally speaking, I prefer to leave people alone, and for them to leave me alone, as well. Of course, I do wish I had a handful of very close people in my life (including a nice lady in my life), but that's harder to find when you don't like most people.

 

This girl... caught me off guard. I've kept myself in my little "bubble" for so long, and she just kinda came out of nowhere. If I'm being honest? I think I knew shortly after meeting her that she stood out to me in some way, but I just wrote that off and didn't even consider it for the longest time. It wasn't until about a month ago that it really hit me how much I liked her, and my feelings just got so intense that I knew I had to do something.

 

I don't disagree that I could probably stand to get out more, but I don't even know how to get myself to do that. I'm not "scared" or "intimidated" by people, I just... don't have any interest in most people, for the most part. I can't exactly socialize and make friends if I've already predetermined that I don't want to be bothered by most people.

[Ms Darcy]

I think you have to go with what you are given and not speculate. I wouldn't think, "if only then she would date me." If she was interested, she would date you.

[Jamesonn]

Why don't you "like" most people? Is it because you feel they don't add value to your life or do you believe that you are in some ways to superior to them? If you did have some close friends and a romantic relationship would you feel better than you do now? Probably. This shows me that you ARE interested in people, you just have a barrier up and convince yourself for whatever reason that you don't. Try to explain why you tend to shun people.

[MattW]

I think you have to go with what you are given and not speculate. I wouldn't think, "if only then she would date me." If she was interested, she would date you.

 

Perhaps. But given that she did, apparently, give it some thought, and that she did bring it up to me later, I feel like that does mean something. If she had zero interest in me, it would've been totally acceptable for her to just never mention it and pretend like nothing had ever happened in the first place. I definitely agree with you that she's a "class act", but even still, she did more than she was obligated to do had she not been interested in me. That makes me feel like she does care, and that the timing just wasn't quite right.

 

I mean, putting myself in her shoes, if some guy I wasn't interested in asked me out, I'd just politely say no, or I'd give a vague answer but never follow up on it. If you really don't feel something for a person, why bother putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation just to reaffirm that you're not interested?

 

Why don't you "like" most people? Is it because you feel they don't add value to your life or do you believe that you are in some ways to superior to them? If you did have some close friends and a romantic relationship would you feel better than you do now? Probably. This shows me that you ARE interested in people, you just have a barrier up and convince yourself for whatever reason that you don't. Try to explain why you tend to shun people.

 

I'm really not sure how to explain it. I wouldn't say I feel "superior" to everyone; I guess I'd just say I feel too "different" from everyone else to really "fit in" with anyone. Even going back to high school, I never really felt like I "belonged" with anyone; I wasn't "cool", funny, or athletic enough to fit in with the "normal" people, but I wasn't "nerdy" enough to fit in with the less popular people, either. Even though those high school dichotomies don't really apply anymore, I still feel at odds with people for various reasons. So even now, I don't really feel like I "fit in" with anyone. Every now and then, I'll actually meet someone that I feel I'm "kindred spirits" with (not necessarily a girl, for a romantic relationship), but it usually doesn't last, for one reason or another. So, I guess I just feel like not many people would really "get" me. There may be some out there, but they're few and far between. Otherwise, I'm the only one that really "gets" me.

[Ms Darcy]

I can say from personal experience that the askee will feel obligated to follow-up. Remember you are friendly. She likes you as a person. If I were in her position, I would follow-up to.

 

Don't you see how it would be disrespectful not to follow-up with a friend?

 

I am just trying to get you out of the "I still have a shot" after she point blank turned you down.

[MattW]

Yeah, I know. I know I'm reaching, but it just sort of helps me hold it together for now, yanno? I know I can't live in delusion forever, but in the short term, it's just helping me "keep it together". Right now, the idea of this being it just stings too much for me to deal with. I REALLY liked her a lot, and I've never met anyone that seemed so "perfect" for me (not "Oh my god she's absolutely 100% perfect!", but just the best match for me that I could possibly hope for). I can't imagine there being another girl as good a fit for me (or better) out there. And even if by some dumb stroke of luck there is, who's to say she'll like me back, either?