Three years and still feeling it!

[Finlou22]

Hi everyone

I am new to this, found myself searching for some help and hoping maybe someone can.

My friends dont seem to understand and in truth neither do I.

Three years ago my bf of 5 years walked away leaving me pregnant he told me he didnt want my baby he then spent a year and a half messing with me calling to say if I loved him I would get rid of baby, then next day he was taking baby away, he finally left me alone.

When my son was 8 weeks old I meet someone who is now my husband and we have a great life he is my sons world(my ex has never even met my son his choice), my question is why do I still think about my ex, dream about him, cry over him when I dont have contact and I really dont want him in my life?

[dontblink182]

First off, I have to say that you have every right to be feeling the way you do. You created life with a man that you thought would always be there, and the fact that he's not has you asking yourself a lot of "whys" and "ifs".... "why did he leave"... "if he were still around, what would it be like".... Things like that...

 

Something that helps me to get over the "whys" and "ifs" in life is writing. I will write about how I feel and sit in a quiet spot and reflect on it. Quiet yourself and take some time alone and cry over the bad, and smile over the good.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you find peace soon!

[Mamasita]

I think its harder for the one that gets left behind to get over things. He left so callously and was so hurtful you may always wonder why he treated you that way and your beautiful son will often be a reminder of him and what happened and a connection to that (thats probably why you havnt forgotten him by now). I dont think after all this time you could still really love him because loving someone takes nurturing and reason to do so, I think its just memory of the hurt and pain and we can sometimes mistake that for thinking it must have been love to care or miss someone. You do have to train yourself to remember and focus on the fact that he was not a good person for what he did to you and not deserving of your thoughts or emotions. Perhaps theres a side of you that wishes for some kind of romantic vindication even though you dont want him anymore, its better if he still wanted you or to be a part of your lives, or care about his son. They are such human emotions but useless ones! I hope you are able to push him out of your mind in time and focus solely and happily on the commitment your wonderful husband has made and appreciate him for being a bigger man then your ex ever was.