mesmerized Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Well, I got inspired by another thread that can be found here: entitled "Is it wrong to tell a shy virgin to go see an escort?" I guess I might consider myself as someone who used to be shy a guy and I sometimes tend to behave that way although none of the people I know say that I'm shy... Sometimes I'm actually quite the opposite. Anyway, that's not the point I wanna make. The point is that last week I was approached by a woman who offered me "some company for the night" for 300CNY. I was on my way to the hostel and although I've been in China for 11months now and I've never "tasted" (that's the word my American colleagues use) a Chinese girl due to many reasons, primarily because I'd feel like lying about my personality to my EX-GF and because I can't have sex without any feelings or emotions... Anyway, for a millisecond I considered that woman's offer (mind you, she wasn't a hooker, she was like a liaison sort of) as I felt lonely in a very touristy spot, surrounded by hundreds of couples or married people, foreigners and Chinese alike... and then I just said "no" and kindly refused her offer. Maybe I'm naive, maybe I'm a sucker. I just couldn't do it. I'm not blaming people who do it. I'm just saying that it doesn't work for me as I need to feel some connection, I need to talk with my partner and have something in common with them, not just f... get in and out. I haven't had sex for nearly 8months now but it doesn't really matter since I just can't do it automatically... It's not that I was offered a prostitute... I'm open-minded and I don't discriminate women for having that kind of profession... At least they make it clear and what they offer is purely physical. I have no respect for women who cheat and have sex with other man behind their partner's back... To cut the long story short... 1) I wouldn't blame people for their sexual drives. If sb. is terribly shy and craving for sex (mind you! sex that is based purely on a physical contact without any emotionally deep connection) and they feel depressed because of their mindset then it should be up to them whether they feel comfortable with it or not. BUT I don't think that it's gonna change their mental state and shy attitude... 2) I'd rather stay single or without sex than have a one-night stand or spend a night with a girl for money. Once again, let me stress that I don't look down on prostitutes because they might have their own reasons for what they do and it's none of my business to condemn them or tell them off as I am not a crystal-clear man without any faults. I'm not showing any approval either, I just don't want to be judgmental. 3) My definition of a hooker is different from that of many other people's... In my opinion it's far worse to be a cheating woman who sleeps with other man leaving her partner disillusioned about life and humanity after their lies have come to the light than to be a woman who makes the rules clear and takes money for something that ISN'T pleasurable for her at all and sth. she probably hates doing... that is, selling her fake affection and body I'm not a saint. I used to be a guy who thought that everyone should try everything in life when it comes to sex (well, almost) including many sexual partners. And then something has changed (or maybe I've always been this way and no change was necessary?) I'm 27 now, heading for 28, and basically I've had only two sexual partners (plus one that was a girl with whom I had sex once and then we tried to be together but it never worked out due to serious political, religious and other reasons) and the first of them was not really blossoming so to speak... I haven't cheated on any woman BUT I've been cheated on... Yet, I crossed the line once as I got a bit to close to another girl while being in a relationship. Nothing happened, I didn't even kiss her but I got close enough to do it... then we both backed off. That one step taken too closely cost me everything. My EX-GF can't or doesn't want to forgive me... Even though she's one of the most precious things I had in life. But I'm trying to let it go, I'm trying to forgive myself for my mistakes and I'm doing fine... One cannot change the past. One can shape the future. So, if you consider suggesting to anyone to lose their virginity with a girl for money or you wanna do it yourself... First, reconsider your choice. Not because of other people who will criticize you (screw them) Not because prostitutes are "evil, wicked, devilish creatures" that society looks down upon... but because you might be hugely disappointed afterwards and what is supposed to be a beautiful experience based on closeness, true passion and warmth of emotional connection might turn out to be a complete disaster ruining your idea of sex... Gosh! I meant to write a short post! Sorry folks Link to comment
Lost in Thought Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Thanks for you incredibly long and thoughtful post. It took a lot of time for you to write it and I appreciate the effort. Link to comment
acorn Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 Not everyone has that supposition though. Someone I trusted once told me; this is the way life is or the way it should be! The trouble is some part of me experiences something entirely different. For a while I'm in conflict with myself, telling myself: no, no, no this is wrong! but that just takes all the fun and spontaneity out of living. So someone chose you; So you were expecting such and such. Well, how can you really know unless you find out? You can't be in thrall to your thoughts and ex's forever. I'm not saying throw your life away, but take a few risks for goodness sake. You are not your thoughts and capable of a lot more than what you think! Just because I told you so, doesn't mean you have to believe me. Trust yourself, look for yourself not through someone elses eyes! ...and Good luck Link to comment
mesmerized Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 I'm not saying throw your life away, but take a few risks for goodness sake. I think you didn't get the whole point I wanted to make... If by taking a few risks you mean sleeping with a girl form money ('cause that's what my post was about) without any affection or emotional connection than... sorry dude, that's not my cup of tea... Trust yourself, look for yourself not through someone elses eyes! ...and Good luck Thx, that's what I'm trying to do... Link to comment
mesmerized Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Interesting. I thought this topic would cause a lot of different opinions and a long-lasting debate and yet... nothing like that has happened so far. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Interesting. I thought this topic would cause a lot of different opinions and a long-lasting debate and yet... nothing like that has happened so far. I think there's not much response because you didn't ask any questions or ask any opinions on anything specific. It seemed more like you were sharing a story of what happened to you, and nothing more. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Interesting. I thought this topic would cause a lot of different opinions and a long-lasting debate and yet... nothing like that has happened so far. I agree with Capricorn3. To me, you just sound regretful that you did not take up the opportunity to "taste". Whatever you decide, the decision and consequences are yours alone. Good luck! Link to comment
mesmerized Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 I agree with Capricorn3. To me, you just sound regretful that you did not take up the opportunity to "taste". Whatever you decide, the decision and consequences are yours alone. Good luck! Mate, you have no bloody idea what you're talking about, do you? No offence but you're being silly now... Are you for real? Have you even read what I wrote? How can one so misinterpret sb's words? Link to comment
acorn Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 s/he who dares wins- no guts no glory! The word 'might' also has an opposite- 'might not'. Yes it might be a 'disaster' (ruining your idea of sex) I might add, ruin YOUR idea of sex mr mesmerized! because maybe, just maybe, there's a part of you that is scared it might not be a disaster and that you might like it. Of course being with someone you care about may increase the likelihood of the encounter being great, but I think it also really boils down to the individual, not some wishy-washy, outdated notion of 'purity' or 'virginity'. To my mind, that's the real disaster bud- old world puritanical values. So you're not a saint. What does that mean... that you're guilty as sin? We're all wrongdoers! Yes we make mistakes, all of us. This is why forgiveness is important. We also Learn from our mistakes when we make them. Sometimes it IS better to regret something you have done, than to be forever haunted by what we didn't do. You say you CAN'T do it without an emotional connection. YES, you can, but in a freudian sense your superego (the voices in your head) are battling with you ID (the one eyed monster) and voila- there's little old you stuck in the middle. I respect choices that are made on solid foundations. In this particular case, however, the foundations are shaky. You don't want to build a skyscraper on them. If you get my meaning, this will be like landing on a snake and going all the way back to square one. Only this time it's real life, not a game, and you're ten years older. People make mistakes all the time, and it's so tragic, even when we think we have our heads screwed on... but no-one gets out of here alive pal. But we can take each day as it comes with our head held high, as horribly cliche as that sounds (puke) and take pride in the fact we survived yesterday. And not only did we survive it, we folded it in fifteen places and made paper swans with it! Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 So I read it all. Not sure I understand your point. Is it just that you don't look down on people who have a different view of sex than you? If so, that's great. I think it's a shame that people bash on those of us who want an emotional connection as part of a sexual experience as something 'old' or puritanical or religious. I'm agnostic and I feel that way, so for me it has nothing to do with religion. I've had random sex and for me that experience was akin to taking something beautiful and meaningful and reducing it to what simply felt like masturbation but using another persons body instead of a hand. If that makes some people happy, sure, fine, but it doesn't make me happy. Link to comment
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