It gets so difficult sometimes :(

[Staples 29]

I'm just having one of those days where I'm down. I started the day with two appointments which I took a day off work for and then I had all the free time to myself. It's hot today so I lay in bed half naked and then had time to dwell on my skin.

 

I was diagnosed with Lichen Planus in 2010 and it's left really dark spots everywhere - they are so unsightly on my legs... It gets me down so much and it affects my relationships. My most recent ex didn't care about it but I still wore knee high socks around him and felt inadequate - like he should be with someone who looks normal.

 

I can't really talk to anyone about it as anything they say sounds patronizing - we know how women feel about one pimple on their face so really..it's all just 'positive talk'. I've never been one to confide in people anyway.

 

I try to be positive but they haven't improved very much from when they first came on so I just feel horrible. I'm scared no one would ever love someone as flawed as I am; add my natural trust issues onto that and I am pretty much screwed. And things most people take for granted I can't do- I'll probably never be able to swim or go to a changing room and not be self conscious. I'm limited in what I can wear and I have to wear tights with everything even on days like today when it's hot and I am uncomfortable.

 

I'm not sure what I am hoping to gain by writing this and I know it could be much worse but I am human and I'm just disappointed with the way things have turned out. I've had a good cry while cleaning my room (at least something positive has come out of this... lol)

 

Sigh... I know no one said it'll be easy but I didn't expect it to be this hard

[LillyLooWho]

Please don't wear tights in 90 degree weather! I know that unless I have Lichen Planus myself, I can't possibly talk about it with any kind of authority; however, what I can talk about is self acceptance in general. I know you feel horrible and that our society doesn't make it easy to have any "flaws" but at some point in your life, I hope you just say "screw it" and just be yourself. The older I get, the more I just say "screw it" and be myself. I still have times when I feel self conscience or ugly or whatever, but for the most part, I just don't care anymore what people think. Hopefully you will come to the realization that you are fine and that the people who judge you are the ones with the problem, not you. Another thing is that we all exaggerate in our own minds our flaws and our importance. Probably, nobody is even looking at you (which is a good thing!)

 

As far as meeting a guy, yes it is hard. But I hope you can see that the issues you have about your condition aren't indicative of how all men will react. You even said your last ex didn't even care! If that happens again, please don't bother with the socks. I'm so sorry that you feel bad about it. I wish you peace.