feeling better

[MattTheStudent]

I broke up with my gf of two years two weeks ago tonight. I haven't talked to her since then- we got in a huge, ugly fight and we both lost our tempers. She ended up crying and I ended up with three long gashes on my face from her fingernails. The next day she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore so when she was at class I got my stuff from her place and that was it. So I am doing ok, just sad because my future with her has vanished. The mornings are tough because I am accustomed to waking up next to her everyday as I have for the past two years. I have gone to see a school counselor and she said she is amazed by how well I am doing. My ex and I were very very close for a long long time but she seemed to grow more annoyed at me for just being myself. It was like we were always squabbling about the most simple and silly things, but the fights were real and the pain associated with them was very hard to deal with. I began to feel unsafe in this relationship, like, "Man she is going to stop loving me at any moment," but I figured it would all pass. We started doing the breakup/makeup thing and it happened so many times that I stopped calling my friends for support- I didn't want them to know about all the drama. I am a laid back, goofy, social guy- my ex is more reserved and less receptive to my silly jokes than she used to be. I began wondering a few months ago what it would be like to be with a woman who cared for me being me more, and who was less critical of me. I still loved my gf, though, and stayed with her because it's what I knew, and we did have some good times together. I have always thought that I do better in relationships than I do when I'm alone, but now that I am alone I realize that I am much better now, and that when I get together with someone I change myself to make that person happy. I now realize that I can live without her and that everything will be fine. All my friends say I deserve better and that I deserve a relationship where I am cherished and now argued with all the time. I know they are right, I just have to convince my heart of that and get used to the idea of spending time alone again. I don't love myself right now, and I hear that's essential to having a healthy relationship. Please let me know if any of you have anything to add. Thank you for your help and support.

[Michael2]

Matt you sound like you have a head on your shoulders.

 

I commend you for seeking help within your school, that is great and will help you through the difficult times.

 

You sensed problems within the relationship, and you knew when to say goodbye; which is a mature and very commenable act. Be strong. The line you wrote, about being able to live without her, that is the first step to healing.

 

Be strong, and come here when you need help or even to vent.

[bnybrain]

Wow, two weeks. I'm jeolous. My boyfriend and I are at the point where you described earlier in your relationship. Fighting, breaking up and making up too many times to count. We have been dating for a year and a half. I study all the time and any time I had was left for him. He was my only companion, my bestfriend, my friend and my enemy. I am currently in the process of attempting to break up with him... and part of the difficulty in that is the part of loving only myself and accepting the time alone. You've done it though. That's great. I admit when I first read the your post, my first instinct was to instruct you to contact her and talk to her. But the situation your in is too similar to mine. You need someone who brings out the u in you; and that's hard.

 

Hannah

[HelpmePLz]

Sry for you people that do that for that long should talk to me