Am I in love with my friend's Dad?!? HELP!!!

[TrueHeart]

Hi folks-

 

Need a little help here, because I don't know how to feel about something like this. I have a friend of mine who I've known for close to 7 years, so I've always been close to their family. We did everything together. Recently, they've been having problems in their marriage, in which his wife had an affair with another woman, moved out, the whole thing. They've been married for 23 years. Right now, they're separated-- but not legally. We all still hang out together, but more and more him and I have been talking.

 

I know he's going through a hard time right now, and his wife is really trying to get him to 'understand' why she did what she did. He just doesn't get it. I have chosen to not get involved in their disputes or whatever, because I love them both dearly and I care for them as my friends... I respect their own business. He told me just the other night when we all were hanging out that he feels he just needs to move on... Its a healthy decision that he's come to by himself.

 

I do care about him, and don't want to see him get hurt. I am only 23, and he is 43. I realize that a relationship is out of the question, as we have way too much to lose to do that. We've only just breifly mentioned it on Sunday... I am finding that I'm thinking about him all the time, even dreaming and fantasizing about him. I'm not certain these feelings that I have, in 7 years never had them before...

 

Is there something wrong with me? Am I just feeling a chemical imbalance--? Or could this be something? Like I said, a relationship would probably never happen, but at this rate, I'm feeling there is a strong possibility that we might sleep together...?

 

Help!?!? How do I control these feelings? My friends have told me its perfectly normal to feel that way, regardless of age-- but I still need some extra assurance on what these feelings mean....?!!

[Darknova12]

I dont think theres anything wrong with you....this kinda stuff is normal especially if you are close and then someone goes through something tough, i've seen a few examples.... theese feelings mean nothing more than that you REALLY care for him, which is a good thing as long as it doenst get outa control. Dont let this ruin your life, hang out with your friends, people your age etc.

 

the best thing (in my opinion ) to do right now is to show your support and accept the feelings as natural. dont be worried there is no chemical imbalance implied. I would warn against a relationship with him, atleast now, when his marriage is in jepoardy, it would probably competely ruin it.

 

-- my best wishes

Darknova

[TrueHeart]

Well, I know that a relationship would be out of the question, and I certainly don't want to complicate things for him. He knows that. I would never want anything like that to come between them if they're trying to reconcile-- I am determined to not let him incriminate himself--- in otherwords, have him cheat on his wife with me... I love them all too much to see them hurt.

 

I just feel like through all my troubles I've finally connected with someone... I just didn't know exactly it would be so... dramatic.

 

Question now is, do I proceed to let things take its course, or do I pull back a bit??

[sisterlynch]

You are in a very difficult position. I would recommend that you stay away before something unforeseen occures and injures the network of friendships that are going on here.

[TrueHeart]

And thats exactly what I want to try to avoid. I know that anything that does happen would have to stay between us. I don't want to be secretive, and neither does he-- but I can't help but think about him... outside being one of my best friend's father, being as old as my brother, and a long-time family friend for 7 years-- outside all that.. he is a man. It would devistate me to destroy any friendships in the middle of it, just by letting my head get carried away..

 

Do you think I should still remain open with him? Or perhaps am I leading him on? Like I said, the only think I worry about is that we might end up sleeping together---- and as inconceivable as it might sound, it feels like it would be a strong possibility that I'm not ruling out, or pretending won't come up...

[TrueHeart]

Last night was really different. We spent hours just text messaging eachother back and forth-- talking about anything and everything. I feel like I'm the muse, but I don't mind.. Anything that would gather inspiration to help him in any way!

[reborn]

I was in love with an older man once. MUCH older. I was 24 and he was 63. He was, and still is the most exeptional man I have ever met in my life. His elegance, sense of humor, exquisite inteligence, the way he treats everyone around him,... I could go on, and on, and on. We lived a very lovely experience. A short time that was actually very intense. It was very much like the relationship in the movie Lost in Translation. We were both"trapped" in a similar country.

 

It was odd and lovely the way my feelings developed for him. We would spend hours talking over a glass of whisky about everything imaginable under the sun. It was a magical thing, I cannot explain to you. There never was anything physical, but there was a sexual tension there and the feelings were VERY intense. We realized them when we said goodbye. These feelings were not spoken as such, and were from both sides.

 

It was like the movie, we lived a very short, intense experience and then were separted. We continued comunicating and he admitted that he loved me. But I could never live with the reality of continuing that bond. Not so much for the big gap, but mostly cause I would not have been able to live with my self had I done on to another what I would hate being done to me. Even if no one would have known, I couldn't live with my self, doing that to his family. Eventually I would have to see them, might bump on them in the street somewhere. I didn't want to feel I had a reason to lower my head, even if only inside.

 

Its really odd for a woman my age to feel attracted to a man that old. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that possible. However, there are sometimes unexpected experiences in life. Believe it or not, this is the man I have felt more strongly for in probably all my years. In fact Im glad we were no longer in the same continent, because I desired in my heart to have his child!!!! I didn't say it to anyone, or to him. Never, ever have I felt this for anyone else and I have been in love. I ended things. I felt I was loosing control of my emotions. It was like a being in a trance and eating the most exquisite truffles, and just keep reaching for more not even realizing what you are doing, not being able to stop your self. And then you are up to your neck, but your mind is still thinking you are only testing the waters with your fingers...

 

That is why I have decided to write to you and tell this story. This sort of situations involve your feelings in a way that you may not even realize. You form a very strong connection with this person.

 

Its been many years since that. I have been in love and actually I am right now mourning my ex bf, yet I have seen the old man after many years. I saw him recently, I still felt as before. I know he did too. But we never spoke about our feelings. We communicated through letters. I made the decision for nothing to happen.

Some things are better left in the magical realms of the impossible.

 

You must be careful, you may be getting more involved than you realize.

I think you are going to sleep with him...

[TrueHeart]

I do thank you for your reply.. The connection there is a strong one... More on the lines of intellectualism and conversation. I would never do anything to hurt him, or his family. The same applies to me. I was raised in a multi-generational family, my parents in their 60s, and siblings in their 30s and 40s.

 

The temptation to really do things with him physcially is great, I will admit. I cannot promise that I wouldn't sleep with him, because it most likely will happen. There is always the risk of being caught since no one really knows about our love affair. Again, other issues have to be addressed before that becomes an option. But boy, oh boy it sure has tested my self-control..

[reborn]

I know exactly what you mean.