Weird situation with ex. What should i do?

[Shadowbite]

I just had this weird situation with my ex. There is this guy, who i still sometimes assume that shes dating (her friend says they are, but shes a liar, so who the hell knows)... She was hanging out with this guy today, right after talking to me for a bit. I found out about it, and being the upfront type of guy that i am, i gave her a piece of mind.

 

I told her that if she isn't with him (she swears that she is not with him) , and if she isn't playing games with me , then I do not understand why she still hangs out with this dude. This dude, lets call him D, has is one of the most crucial reasons for the breakup. He is always calling her whenever he knows I am interacting with her. He also made a false account on a game to mess with my mind. D stalked my ex, and asked for her time schedules, this way he could use the false account to go on exactly when she would sign offline. His purpose was to mess with me and our relationship, to make me think it was her and cause us to fight. Sometimes i ask him upfront to admit what hes been doing, and provide evidence of what hes been doing, whenever i do he denies it (however I know for a fact that hes doing this to manipulate/mess with me, because the consistency has been there for 2 months.. then once i stopped talking to my for 2 weeks, it literally stopped since then).

 

Now here's the mess up thing. My ex knowingly knows hes the puppeteer that dangles me and her like puppets, but my ex for some reason doesn't care. She just doesn't care. She continues to hate it when i tell her this, and she knows he does this, yet she gets mad at me. In fact, she was even the one who suggested at times that his purpose was probably to try to get me agitated and make us break up. So ***?

 

So i told her today, said that I don't understand her. That it's more than disrespectful that she chooses him over me, especially when hes the reason for all the chaos. I also told her i don't understand why she would want a manipulator, and a person who controls her as her friend. But nevertheless, she just doesn't seem to get it, nor care. I told her she shouldn't blame the puppet, but the puppeteer. However, anything I say she seems to ignore, and then goes on to blaming me saying that I'm controlling because I don't like her having any friends.. ( that's total bs, because i could care less who shes friends with besides this guy. Heck, she has loads of guy friends. Way more guy friends than girls! I don't care who shes friends with, but if its affecting my life and my relationship with her, and they are manipulating us both.. then, hell yes i have a problem.)

 

The point is, she doesn't listen to reason. I feel so disrespected because she lets this guy walk all over us, and still manages to be close friends, then gets pissed at me for being pissed at him.

 

Her last responses to me were this:

 

"your being an ass"

"for once stop worrying about him, if i get hurt then its my own damn fault"

"i need u to be supportive, and u ain't being supportive"

"let me make my own mistakes, so i can learn from them"

" i can't be with you because you won't allow me to screw up or mess up, let me have my freedom".

 

^- I haven't responded to this yet.. But i feel the urge to say : " What are you talking about? he's already hurt our relationship and is slowly killing everything we have left of it. I find it highly disrespectful and upsetting that your comfortable with the chaos hes caused, does our 10 year relationship really mean that little to you...?"

 

I just find this whole thing really disrespectful. Sometimes i feel that shes just as much as in the wrong as he is, because she doesn't do anything to stop it, she allows it.

 

What should I do in this situation? Part of me is afraid for her, because of the fact she is so freaking gullible and blind, this part of me makes me feel like I should do something about it (as in me wanting to save her).. Another part of me just wants to say screw it, shes choosing him over me, I should just leave and let them be.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore...

 

 

Also its quite funny how she says she hates how gullible she is, and doesn't like people manipulating her/telling her what to do... However she knowingly allows this guy to control her.

 

 

Some additional info about the guy:

 

* She's known this guy only for a couple months

* This guy likes her a lot, and he has tried flirting with her in the past when she was dating me.

* She's asked me in the past if I wanted her to stop talking to him, I said no because I didn't realize he was gonna be such a problem, and I didn't wanna take her away from a friend.

* Her mom and her one friend wants him to date her, and vice versa.

* He drinks and tried to get her to be drunk once, (when she never drank before).

* She puts him on a pedestal for everything, no matter what he does wrong, its ok for them to be friends 5 mins later.

* She insists this is the first "friend" she met on her own, without anyone helping. and thus that's why she puts him on a pedestral (***?)

[SpottiOtti]

Save your sanity, Shadowbite. Stay away from them both. She is your ex now. I know ending a 10yr relationship is a big deal but you have to get some distance from this situation.

[Shadowbite]

Save your sanity, Shadowbite. Stay away from them both. She is your ex now. I know ending a 10yr relationship is a big deal but you have to get some distance from this situation.

 

Even if I did this, how do i go about it? Do I tell her anything? Do i have my last words? Do i say why? or do i say nothing and just disappear.

[DuskDismantled]

This sounds like my situation entirely! The only difference being that in my story he was her first boyfriend who decided he wanted to come back into her life. My advice to you is to go complete NC as soon as possible. That's exactly what I did and in just a month I already feel so much relief. Your ex has the right mentality when she told you she needs her freedom, that's the biggest reason I stopped talking to my ex. For the longest time she had me for support and him to love and care for. I was done being the guy who was always cast aside, despite being there for her through think and thin.

 

When I took away the emotional support I gave her as a friend, she was left alone with a guy who emotionally abused her, a serial cheater who on several occasions tried to get her to cheat with him and just a bad guy in general. Less than a month into their relationship and he's already done with the nice guy act and has begun lying to her. That's just the way these type of guys are. They don't care about the relationship at all, they just like to be sure they're in control. The only way you can ever reconcile with your ex is to let her experience this for herself. I'm sorry but that's just the way it goes. Best of luck.

[Shadowbite]

So your solution would be for me to just go NC? i just wish i understood her logic.