how time flies

[discouraged]

Man... how time flies. It feels like it was just yesterday that the BU (after 3 1/2 years together) occurred, but its already been 5 weeks of NC and 6 weeks since the BU. To me, 5 weeks without talking to the ex is a great amount of time.

 

Update? well, i still miss her like crazy. I can't blame her for leaving me because i really do need to get my life together. If you guys haven't read my threads, she broke up with me because in her eyes, i didn't have the drive and determination to be successful in life, "I'm not in love with you anymore" line, she wants to be single now because she's never been before, she relied on me too much with everything in her life, and how i have no idea what to do in my life or the steps to get there even when i figure it out.

 

This was a huge wake up call to me and I've done much self-reflection. Ive finally realized what career path Im going to follow and the necessary steps to get there. Ive picked up 3 classes for the summer and plan to quit my job next month to focus entirely on my education... scary!!! This will be the first time in the past 9 years where i won't have a source of income... i'm practically going to live on my savings until 2013 (i can always return to my job) or until i finally transfer to a university.

 

I wish i was this determined while i was in the relationship and i wish she could see me now, but i know she will never reach out to me because she's too stubborn and prideful. I won't be reaching out because i need to get my life together before i make that attempt, which will take a minimum of 3 years. Man, wouldn't this be an awesome story to tell 3 years later if we end up back together? too bad thats only in the movies and RARELY ever happens in life.

 

To all those who are in a world of pain right now: I know it hurts. I was just there feeling the same thing you're feeling. However, keep yourself busy doing what you need to do to make your life better. Even if you feel that you shouldn't ever change because its who you are, you should still improve because "theres always room for improvement". No one is perfect, but you can strive to be close.

 

Brooding over a lost love is normal, but picking yourself up right after is extraordinary. Don't you want to be extraordinary? It will get better in due time. I hated reading about how time is all we need, but its true. Eventually, you'll get to the same mindset, but you have to keep yourself busy and active or else your depression will intensify. Good luck to everyone in pain and stay strong. We will be happy once again.

[rickyspanish]

thanks for this post. i broke up about 3 months ago but ive been stuck int hat limbo hoping wed get back together. just recently when she has ignored some polite friendly texts from me is the moment the reality sunk in. today i boxed all our pictures and things that reminded me of her and blocked her on facebook. these are things i couldnt find the strength to do before but now i know its the only way. its so hard going to work and concentrating on things. i always think of the good times we had and i instantly have to slap myself and snap out of it and revert to negative thoughts about her. this is the toughest thing ive had to do my entire life. she was my first love. and now she wont even talk to me. what did i do to her besides give her a palce to live when she had nowhere to go and give up my job for her? how can one person be so cold?

[discouraged]

this is the toughest thing ive had to do my entire life. she was my first love. and now she wont even talk to me. what did i do to her besides give her a palce to live when she had nowhere to go and give up my job for her? how can one person be so cold?

 

I totally agree about it being the toughest part. I even deactivated my Facebook because of it, only to realize the huge benefit afterwards: time management.

 

See, heres the thing I've been theorizing at the moment... all of us who put our all into the relationship, only to be forgotten and unappreciated during the BU event, shouldn't regret our investment(s) because they do/will remember it over time. Our efforts are what made us unique and different from anyone else they'll date. That in itself shows our worth and value. They did what they thought (at the moment) was the best decision to make. Should you condemn them for it? Well, if you truly love them, then no. You can't because you would want them to be truly happy regardless if you're in the picture or not. The feelings of these memories might not be strong enough to get them to reach out to us, but nonetheless, the feelings arise.

 

Giving up your job and giving her a place to stay is very chivalrous and admirable. However, that could have also scared her away if she wasn't ready to BE at that level of the relationship. Im assuming you both weren't married yet, so in her eyes, that was a huge sacrifice. Im sure she knows all of the efforts you've done for her and will remember it forever, but you shouldn't ever hold resentment of what you thought was right at the moment. Take pride in the fact you made such a huge sacrifice that many would not make. That tells you what you're capable of and will eventually find someone who WILL appreciate all of your sacrifices and efforts, whether its her or with someone else. The future is not written in stone. ANYTHING can and will happen. We only have control of ourselves and how we are feeling. So if we stay depressed, then its because we're letting ourselves feel that way. If you're tired of it and wish it to go away, then do something that will make it go away; EXCEPT TO CONTACT THE EX IN THIS STATE OF MIND!!!

 

Focus on healing yourself and improving your quality of life. I promise you, you'll eventually become happy once again.

[rickyspanish]

first of all thanks i needed to hear this. i have been putting forth effort these last two days to move on and get her out of my head and start visualizing a future wihtout her. before this i just kind of put it on hold because foolishly i was sure she would reach out any day now....ive been meeting new people and tons of girls actualy flirt with me which is positive but im pretty picky when it comes to girls.

 

and to answer your questions according to her the reasons for the BU were the opposite of which you stated. she was 29 and i 23 and she said we were at different places in our lives and she wanted kids and a family because her time is running out and i diddnt want that right away. she was the one pushing and i told her i wanted a fuiture with her as well just no kids right now i hadnt finished school at the time i was almost done though. the thing is she has ovarian cysts which have prevented her from getting pregnant shes tried in the past wiht her ex husband for a whole year. so i wanted to say to her theres a possibility that you could just never be able to ahve kids anywayz so how is it going to be better finidng someone else, u know?? but of course i diddnt. she had alot of baggage but the reason im so hung up is because i saw the side of her when we were dating that no one else did. i love her.