Are there any left?

[Caldus]

Are they any single girls out there left in my age who don't want to be with a 'bad' guy? I've been single all of my life and I'm thinking it's because I don't look my age (I look like I'm 16 still) and I'm the goody-two-shoes type (never go out and get drunk, party, study a lot, get good grades, etc.). I don't think I match with any of the girls here on campus. I feel left out of everything. People just go off and have fun "somewhere" and I never know where that "somewhere" is and I just end up sitting in my apartment every Friday and Saturday night. I'm tempted to just become a 'bad' guy just so I could have some fun in life for once.

[LEYboy]

hey, sorry this isn't to dis you or anything but by the quote on your signature i can sorta tell your looking for fun.. but i'dd have to say that just b/c you are single and have been dosen't mean anything, when you find some one that your intersted in and them interested in you, you shouldn't have to be some one your not.

good luck, keep searching best bet is to attened alot of social events (and they don't have to be wild parties or anything just some thing where you know you will be cofertable but easily be able t meet girls.

 

-lew

[lostlove]

hmm. i don't want to sound really shallow, but maybe it has something to do with how you dress. if you always wear like...khakis and button-down shirts, you may look like you are too neat and spend too much time on your clothing. try wearing jeans and solid colored tshirts. one big factor may be self confidence. a lot of "bad boys" seem to have loads of self confidence and charisma. try to seem relaxed, and cool. It shows that you don't give a damn about what other people think of you, even if you do. the tee shirt-jeans-don't give a damn combo is what is so appealing about a lot of bad boys...

[jensus]

ur situation isn't that bad. there are just a few things u're doing wrongly. first, you don't have to get drunk every time you go out. the definition of going out isn't getting drunk man. the terms going out and having fun encompass more than just chuggin down alcohol or toking up or whateva. just spend a little more time with friends, get to know more people, attend more social events (like someone already said). i'll tell u right now, everything depends on you being in the right place. it doesn't matter what you do, if you're not visiting the right places where you can meet a lot of new people, you're gunna get nowhere. u can keep ur grades up and still have some fun at the same time. i know lots of guys who pull that off very well.

 

second, about the dressing issue that a poster brought up. the image you wanna convey thru ur clothing is that of a confident man. you wanna be noticed, but when people start noticing you, you gotta stay confident and not buckle up under pressure. lostlove no offense but there's a big difference in how guys around your age dress and how guys around Caldus's age should be dressing. at 19, girls tend to appreciate guys who dress well and dont just look like one of the countless "homeboy" or "hip-hop" clones. whether u want women to see you as a teenager or a man is your choice. clothing can often play an important role in that. i personally don't wear t-shirts or jeans very often, but if u want to just make sure the tshirt isnt sagging down below ur waist like a skirt and that ur pants are tied somewhere near ur waist and not so low as ur knees. make sure the clothing fits u but that it also feels relaxed.

 

if u need some advice with brands or specific clothing that u should be wearing for ur age, pm me or go to a quality menswear store and get some advice there. remember, tho, in the end its not your clothing that makes the man, its your personality. work on ur confidence. relax and be cool abt everything.

 

i hope that helped.

[Rain]

I used to be alot like you are now. I never did anything on weekends, I always came home and surfed/studied. Never had anything interesting to do with my life. Then I considered the same possibility you did, "Maybe I should just step up once in awhile and do new things."

So I went to this amazingly huge party, looking for girls in the process. Got drunk and acted like an idiot. Guess what it accomplished? Absolutely nothing. If you're the kind of person who wants a girl who's kind sensitive nice and not crazy, dont think that you'll find them through conventional means of acting "bad." The main concern I think you need to realize is the fact that girls are out there, you shouldn't just sit in your apartment Fridays and Saturdays. Go to a gym, an INCREDIBLE amount of good looking girls go there. If not that, taking up some sort of hobby. Go places, meet people. Never think that you cant talk to a stranger because people say it's "not right."

 

Always ask yourself this, "There's nothing I can lose"

[Caldus]

Yeah I could go to the gym but I don't have any muscles at all. I don't think I would even be noticed.

 

I just want a social life at least, that's all...

[chanceit]

Social life is your biggest problem you have i think because when you have the stable base of doing things with some friends going out places - you can build use this to build relationships and friendsships on.

 

I'm actually used to be a really quiet person in real life and would never dream in a miilion years of just walking up to someone and talking to them,

 

However i got introdcued to someone by one of my friends we got on really well goto to know there friends. Some of them were very outgoing so would get chatting to random people - intorduce them to the group and i got to know people that way - some of them are really good friends now.

 

That gives you the confidence thought when you see people doing that to have a go yourselve and i've done some things i never dreamed i would have done before like just chat to working in shops / at the bar.

[Scout]

This topic comes up over and over in eNotalone: "All girls want bad guys."

 

I've said this countless times, this assumption is dead wrong. People, when we generalize, we are taking a shortcut to actually thinking.

 

All girls don't want bad boys. In fact, most don't. If you have work you need to do on yourself to become desirable to the opposite sex, then do it. Don't write off your lack of a dating life with a tidy little generalization. When you do that, you are ignoring what you are doing wrong to get a date.

 

There is someone in this world for everyone. In fact, there are many people in this world for each of us. There are BILLIONS OF PEOPLE in this world. All different, all with different wants, desires, and expectations. The choices are endless.

 

If you are sitting at home constantly, not making any effort to reach out to people, then don't expect someone is going to knock on your door and rescue you from your boredom. Here's another harsh reality: If you're bored, then you're boring. What that means is, if you sit around bored and lonely all the time, you are missing out on a lot that is going on in the world. You are not stimulating your mind and your conscious, and you are slowly becoming a blank slate.

 

You have to give to get. Most of us have not had our social life handed to us on a silver platter. We had to work for it: we joined organizations, groups, approached people and started talking to them, go to any event that looks interesting, etc., etc., etc.

 

Your life is not a dress rehearsal for the "real thing" - this is the real thing. This is your life, it's happening now, you have been given the power of free will, health, and intelligence. Are you going to waste those gifts sitting alone inside your house for the rest of your life? Or are you going to use the power that you actually already have and create a rewarding and supportive network of friends?

 

If it all still seems overwhelming to you, perhaps you are suffering from anxiety or depression. In which case, I strongly recommend professional counseling. This is another action you can take TODAY to get the life you want, the relationships you need, and the social interaction you desire.

[Caldus]

I've tried joining clubs in the past but no one just never really seemed interested in becoming more than acquaintances with me. I've tried meeting some women that are in my classes as well. I think there's something about the way I present myself that really turns people off or something. Because so many women that I have met online say that I am a really sweet and caring guy but then in real life no one seems interested in me at all. I try to look as best as I can. I dress well most of the time. I don't smile very often but I guess that's one thing I could improve on. But I don't know what else is wrong with me as far as the way I present myself.

 

Thanks for the advice so far everyone.

[Scout]

If you are honestly baffled about this, and you have truly made attempts to socialize to no avail, then I definitely urge counseling. Believe it or not, lots of college students your age talk with counselors, because it's a very insecure time...you're not quite a grown--up, but definitely not a kid anymore. It's a time when you're trying to figure out who you are. So, this creates a lot of angst and confusion, and therapy can sort this kind of stuff out.

 

I'm sure your college has a therapy/counseling program of some sort. Almost every college and university does. Why not check it out?

[RayKay]

Excellent post Scout! Very accurate and true.

 

Caldus, women can truly "feel" if someone is not confident, and I know for myself that can be a BIG turn off. On the other hand, sensing that someone has a very active life, actually LOVES life is a big turn-on! I want to know more, I want to be part of that...I am intrigued!

 

And yes, not smiling enough can be part of it - a smile you share generously is a big indication that you are proud of who you are, happy and also interested in the other person.

 

The thing is, you say that people never seem to want to be your friend, or girls are not interested - I have a feeling you go into situations with that on your mind, and believe it or not, those you meet DO feel and sense that. Just force yourself to keep getting out there and you will start even enjoying it! It is only when you are totally confident in yourself, enjoying your life and a complete person can someone enter your heart.

 

I have no doubt you probably do take care to look good, smell good, all of that...but you truly need to work on the INSIDE - as that is what shines through and makes you attractive!

[Caldus]

I do not suffer from clinical depression or anxiety as far as I know. So I don't think I need to go to counseling.

 

I love life and feel confident about myself. I'm not really sure exactly what kind of signs indicate that people are not confident in themselves but I'm a good guy. I know no one is perfect but I think I am a good guy.

 

Ever since I was in middle school I've never really had a social life. Maybe it's just that I am confident in myself but I have trouble attracting friends and possibly a girlfriend anyway for some reason (due to the lack of experience in social situations).