Why can't I let go?

[AmikeA]

I am such a mess right now. We broke up almost a month ago because she couldn't put as much into the relationship as it deserved (her words), she got so busy with school, work and such that it was too much of a strain on her. I completely understand her that our relationship had to end, and I may even respect her more for having the courage to end it before we became bitter towards one another. But I had never in my life felt a pain like that. I cried for the first time that in like 6 years. Although I feel much better than before, I still hurt alot. She is the first girl I truly loved, I thought I was in love before but I was young and nieve. This is the most selfless, careing person I have ever met and I really don't want her completely out of my life. I want so much to be able to bejust friends with her.

 

I am willing to wait for her to be ready to try again, but she told me she doesn't want me too miss out on anything because i am waiting on her. I have been avoiding her will all my effort because I really want to heal and be able to be friends with this girl. But in avoiding her I have cut myself out of my circle of friends and end up sitting at home saturday night rather than being with my friends and risking seeing her. This makes things incredibly hard on me, and i fear i am becoming depressed.

 

I am fine during the week because I am so busy with college that my mind is too occupied to think of her much. For some reason though on the weekends I miss her an ignorant amount.

 

 

Some advice would be very much appreated.

[lady00]

***

[vimora]

Listen to lady.

 

I know I didn't let myself believe what everyone was saying, even people in this forum but I knew they were right. Time does do wonders, now that I've finally let myself let go, time is working. You are just going to have to wait, until then you won't really believe what I"m saying either even if like me I knew everyone made sense and was right.

 

Also, don't do anything stupid like calling her or writing her, I did it with my ex-boyfriend, I'll always regret those stupid moves!

[AmikeA]

well i know i need time away from her to heal, although no matter how much I try its impossible for me to avoid her completely. I think I am on the right track as it only seems to get easier. But I find myself wanting to just cut her out of my life forever to help me heal faster. While this would help me now I fear I would regret it later.

 

 

Oh it also bothers mebecause she doesn't seem to be hurting nearly as much as I am. It makes me feel like our relationship meant nothing too her. She has been spending alot of her free time clubbing with her friends (she actually went clubbing the day she dumped me) , somehow this makes me feel like she chose to dump me so she could goto clubs with her friends without feeling any guilt about what happened inside.

[densil]

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It was the same for me, my ex broke up with me saying that she wanted to be on her own. Only days later she was seen out in clubs and bars dancing and flirting with guys. That was like a dagger through my heart. She appears to be happier without me than she was with me. Its been 6 months for me and I appear to be getting a bit better. In that every thought I had used to be about her and/or the relationship this isnt the case anymore (now more like every third thought! )

 

What everyone says on this forum is right, you know, about NC, staying busy, forcing yourself not to think about it, getting fit, meeting new people etc. etc. and if you can manage all of that your a star. I find it very difficult and am still struggling to get over her. But above all its time thats going to help, i mean try and do all of these things, but if your anything like me you will mess up and on occasions you will phone her or whatever. But after time I think your body will simply get bored of all the rejection, misery and the general sadness related to the endless pining of a lossed love.

 

I am seriously rambling and possibly sound a bit pessimistic, this is not my intention. I do believe that one day, i shall meet someone who IS prepared to put as much in to a relationship as I am. In a way your ex has give you the opportunity to meet that person.

 

All the best,

 

Steve

[AmikeA]

thanks steve, it seems you went through the same thing i am going through now. I know I will feel better eventually, and being busy with school helps me so much. Its just that on the weekends i miss her way too much, trying to avoid her causes me to be antisocial

 

Anyhow this raises another question, why do girls do this? Is it a way to help them heal faster? And do they know how much worse it makes things for the guy?

[qt]

its not only girls, im a girl and my bf broke up with me a month ago and now hes got someone new. we were together for over a year and yeh our reltionship did have a few glitches, but that was due to his depression and the fatc that our reltionship was long distance. it was hard but we managed and 2months ago told me he was falling in love with me all over again. we gt back together and then a month later he broke up with me. im still crying every night and its been a month. now hes with someone else and that just hurts more. when he told me, he wanted to stay friends but i told him i couldnt because it would hurt to much. he got upset that he was guna lose me and said that he could lose me becaue i was his soulmate and that no one understood him like i did. why say things like that to me, when your breaking up with me? a few of my mates think hes on the rebound and trying to see me in his new gf. part of me agrees with them, but i dnt know wt to believ anymore. what do u think? is he on the rebound? i know for a fact if i lived near him, which im doing next year anyways cos im going to the uni in his city, that we would still be together.