How to leave an emotionally abusive home?

[FairyGodmother]

Since I was born my parents have fought with each other, and when I got old enough they fought with me too. My mother hit me until the age of 18 when I finally hit her back to defend myself. She has given me everything from a black eye to a broken finger. Now I'm 20, and she still occasionally tries. My brother is 4 years younger than me. He hits, yells, and swears at me - he has learnt this from my parents. My parent's fights with each other have been both verbal and physical; the police has been at my home many times. They swear, throw things at each other and hit each other. They have tried to strangle each other. I think they have bipolar problems or something, because at other times they are very happy and loving to me and with each other.

 

In any case, I can no longer take their insanity. They insult me, and my boyfriend, my choices in life and everything else they can think of. I have only just come home from a study abroad in Madrid, Spain and on my first day my mother has already yelled at me for no reason, tried to hit me, and insulted my boyfriend (who I lived with in Spain).

 

I stayed until now because they pay for my university, and I can't think of a way I could go to university without their money. I am unemployed, as I just came back from Spain, but I will be applying to any and every min wage job I can possibly think of starting tomorrow. I have no where else to stay, as we moved states when I graduated from high school - all my friends still live where I used to live, and as I went to college right after we moved I know literally no one here.

 

I would take a year off from university, save up, and transfer to my local in-state university if I could, but they would kick me out because they are obsessed with me going to a prestigious university, and as I said I have nowhere to go.

 

However I am a EU citizen, with an EU passport (my dad is from the EU). Does this mean I could essentially go to the EU and get a job there? My boyfriend lives in the EU, so maybe he could let me stay at his house (he lives with his parents) until I have enough money to get my own apartment - with his parent's consent of course. Does this plan seem realistic? I don't even know if that is fair to ask of him and his parents though. They're not very well off to start with and I feel like that might be abusing their hospitality. My boyfriend has some money, so maybe I could ask him to pay them for my food etc, until I can pay him back too? I just don't know.

 

Plus I know the fare there costs about 800 bucks, and I don't know how I'd get that money unless my boyfriend lent it to me.

 

To top it all off I can't see how I could get away from my house and actually take this flight there without my parents going insane and physically stopping me. What would I tell them?

 

Does anyone have a better suggestion?

 

EDIT: My boyfriend has suggested I save up money this summer and this coming semester, and after that I move out. I just don't think I'll make it through the summer, it is so emotionally destructive to be around them.

[camus154]

I think you're starting to consider the right track in getting the hell out of there and taking your life into your own hands. Good for you.

 

I can't answer the EU question, but I'm sure the internet can. I say go. Save up, get a plane ticket, and just go. Don't even inform your parents. Just leave and then tell them. Tell them after you're gone. There will likely be all sorts of drama, but you know what? That's ok. It will settle down and most importantly, you will be taking responsibility for your own life.

[markfromark]

In most of the EU countries the Universities are mostly free. With a EU passport you can go anywhere to the EU and work or study. What's holding you back? Your parents abuse you and you still try to please them by going to the "proper" university?

[FairyGodmother]

In most of the EU countries the Universities are mostly free. With a EU passport you can go anywhere to the EU and work or study. What's holding you back? Your parents abuse you and you still try to please them by going to the "proper" university?

 

I have big ambitions for my future; I am a double major in economics and international relations, and I would very much like to go to St. Andrew's or London School of Economics for graduate school. I want to do research for economic development in the future. It seems to me that these things will be much less likely to happen if I go to a lesser school, especially if I were to take a year off to save up money. But at this point, I could kind of care less, I really just want to get out of here ASAP and find another way to realize my dreams. Plus, if I leave, my parents will never want to see me again, and that's kind of hard to accept - but now I've realized it's probably for the better.

[SamiJayne]

Unis aren't free in the UK!

Is your boyfriend from the UK? I'm really not sure of the rules of the EU etc, Even though I live in the EU! ops!

But I think sometimes you just have to put yourself first and get yourself to safety. I moved out of my mothers as she was emotionally abusive, and used to hit and shove her kids all the time.

I don't talk to her anymore.

Will your boyfriend's parents allow you to move in there?