3 months later, still healing, NC, getting better but...

[Soulfully]

Damn, time is passing by pretty quickly! Its been 3 months since the breakup, and probably a month since the last minimal contact (text msg) just to wish her happiness.

 

On the good side, I do notice that things are getting better for me as in Im starting to function properly and productively in my business again, and its reaping positive results. Sleeping has also gone back to almost normal again... just seems that life seems to be settling down on the outside pretty well. However, I must confess that there is quite a bit of emotional turmoil inside, and its something I try not to convey to others since my friends and family are probably pretty tired of me talking about my ex, yet I believe I havent really be bothering them that much with that situation ... thankfully this board exists and it feels like a blessing that all you guys seem to be watching over each other to find advice, comfort, or just simply to "listen".

 

Anyways, back to the point of this post. As soon as things seem to be getting better there always seems to be some kind of superficial event or encounter that seems to drag all this emotional turmoil once back in again! Quite annoying actually! Maybe its just that this is a small island and we live in the same small "city". More specifically, and even though it sounds stupid, I saw my ex's scooter parked in different locations which i happen to pass by everday. I know its hers cos its the only one around with a freaky pinkish leatherish seating hehehe. Anyways, I have fond memories of that scooter so seeing it always brings back the memories. Fact is, I saw her scooter three times in two days. The third time was very curious indeed: I was on my way to a clients business with my workmate, and as we parked outside their shop, I catch a glimpse of a scooter, which can only be of my exes, driving around the bend in front of us, and I look up and its her hehe. But we're inside the car and its raining, and she was passing by pretty quickly so she didnt see us, and I didnt get a chance to wave or make myself noticed. Nor was I intending to anyways. But I must confess that in that single moment, my heart was thumping fast and hard ... indeed!

 

So, after all this NC and out of sight strategy to let go, forget and move on, she coincidentally and unintentionally reappears or better said, reappears in my thoughts with more strength through the presense of her scooter and quick crossing of paths on the roads hehehe. Sounds pathetic doesnt it hehhe! Indeed it does, but however stupid these incidents are, they are seriously bothering me since I find myself back a few steps behind from healing again.

 

But that's not it... it just so happens that her also ex-flatmate with whom she lived with when we were still in our relationship, has called me to start piano lessons since I had offered to teach her in my free time. And we had our first lesson this afternoon, and seeing her just reminded me of my ex . So all this happens in the space of 3 days and I must admit it has set me back a little.

 

So anyways, point is, it just seems that life has these things in which whenever you think u'r getting better, something has to happen to put you back a few steps. This seems like some annoying cycle which hopefully serves to make us emotionally stronger? Who knows..... What a nice mental and emotional game life is huh!

 

Anyways, I know its quite silly, but it is quite curious the way and timing of these coincidences and how they affect us.

 

Thanx for everything guys! much appreciated!

 

Soulfully Yours,

Peace.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I agree with what you are saying. It does seem that as soon as we are getting better we run into the ex or their friends .. or we get that phone call from them ! I wonder if it is some sort of "test" to see if we are truly moving on and healing... or it's just some strange coincidence.

 

You seem to have been a bit annoyed by what happened, but not bitter and I think this is a very good thing. You sound like you are getting along just fine. Keep on doing whatever it is that is helping you move on.

 

Best wishes!

[Soulfully]

Hey there,

 

Thanx for replying hehe. Weird the way things happen in life...the events and what seem to be like coincidences... or even if you believe in synchronicity. Definitely gives you a feeling that everything does seem to happen for a reason. Then again, the human mind/brain is one amazing thing, and it seems that we can often always try and interpret and make sense out of situations which we often dont really understand, i.e. this coincidence must be some kind of test "life" is giving me to see how much i have healed or perhaps to even strengthen the healing after a little minor setback. Who knows!!

 

Talking about coincidences hehe... the point at which I started to pursue my ex for real definitely seemed guided by the "stars" hehe. I remember getting a phone call from her to my work place to talk about business. I knew her before that phone call through some friends and thought how special she was, but never really did anything to pursue her (didnt know much about her anyways). Anyways, we spoke on the phone and I was really going to ask her out by then but didnt have the courage... hehe how sad! Anyways, on that same day, I was walking to a restaurant for lunch, and was mentally shooting myself for not having asked her out on the phone, I had lost my chance!! I clearly remember telling myself at that moment "If only I could see her now I would definitely ask her for her mobile number to hook up some time...IF ONLY"...and TADAAAA!!! There she appears passing by on her scooter!!!! We catch eyes, she throws out a cheeky tongue at me, and stops...we chat for a bit and I ask her out! hehhe... and there begins the beautiful romance of my life! That was definitely beauty! Ay ay ay.... how i miss her! So there is one nice coincidence hehe.

 

I agree with you Muneca that Im not bitter about it....okay...maybe a lil... only sometimes hehe. The way things ended was quite a shock to my system...but the truth is, I cannot forget the beautiful woman and human being she is. True that she did hurt me, but I undersand that she didnt do it intentionally. We're both young, and very prone to make errors, and hurting people on the way is something that is often inevitable. I remember having caused some hurt with my previous exes after dumping them, so I know how both experiences feel. Maybe its even Karma working back at me aha!!! But im pretty sure that I tried to make the hurtful experience for my previous ex and least as possible.... then again, she found herself a new guy soon afterwards and was happy... so i didnt feel too bad about it.

 

Anyways, I know that after all this hurting, I will be able to look back and treasure this experience forever. I loved her with all my soul, still love her, and probably will never forget about her... she will always have a part of my heart and soul. I know that is for sure. The journey of letting go is not being easy, but I know that is what i have to do. Let go of the past, live the present, and prepare well for the future. Whatever will be shall be. I hope to be able to reconcile the friendship we once had, but I know that aint happening soon... perhaps in time, in a different situation, emotional maturity, availibility and healthy attitude to relationships we will meet again. Only time, our hearts and souls will tell. Remember that everything changes...emotions, situations, people... everything. So who knows .... that is the surprise and joy of living life.

 

"There is nothing as constant as change"

Buddha.

 

Soulfully yours,

Peace.

[spanglish]

Hi Soulfully,

 

Just out of interest which Spanish island are you on.

 

I'm living in Mallorca.

 

Spanglish

[Soulfully]

Hey hey!

 

Mallorca huh? nice nice island!! Lucky you! haha!

 

I actually live in the Canary Islands, Tenerife hehe. Funny to know that fellow members are not that far away after all hehe!

 

Un saludo y abrazo a todos los hispano-hablantes!! hehe

 

Take care people, thanx for reading.

 

Soulfully yours,

Peace.

[lost_puppy]

Hi Soulfully,

 

Happens to me too. Not necessarily seeing things that remind me of her (though that does happen!), but even just going for a few days of not really thinking about her and feeling like I'm progressing, healing, feeling happy .... then suddenly one day I wake up and just can't stop thinking about her all day, everything reminds me of her and makes me sad ... But hopefully as time passes those days will get rarer and rarer, till one day they're all gone ...

 

.... still waiting for that day, patiently ...

[Soulfully]

Hey guys...yes...it does seem that it happens to all of us... all these ups and downs. Hopefully the progression will follow an ascending form towards healing hehe.

 

Speak about thinking about our exes...i sometimes wonder whether Im going clinically insane or obsessed hehe. I mean, for the past 3 months I am certain that my ex has been on mind for more than 90% of my conscious hours. Amazing yet incredibly sad hehe!! And obviously, all those external cues that remind of your ex dont help either. And if its not certain places, certain music/songs, certain objects, certain physical features on other women etc... its my friends and our mutual friends that keep bumping into her. hehehe, it seems that everybody has bumped into her during the last 3 months except for me hehe. Maybe there's some conscious or even subconscious effort in trying to avoid each other for the meanwhile. All i know is that there is still some distance to walk before truly healing.

 

I know that the day I bump into her again, my heart will be thumping like mad, but I will have to clearly behave as non-chalant as possible. I know she will be pretty nervous too. And i know that when that day comes, i will be a few steps back again, but hey... i believe that this needs to be done in order to continue healing, especially if u know that u will be bumping into your ex in the future for sure.

 

Anyways, thanx for all for replying.... hope everybody is doing better these days...i for one am definitely starting to feel more confident and relaxed these days. Feeling positive that things will work out for the better. Curiously enough, one of my best friends saw her today at a shopping mall, and had a little spontaneous chat with her and her friend. She's apparently going through some changes in her job situation. Hope she will be ok. On a funny side note, my mate did tell me that my ex didnt seem to be looking as good as she used to when she was with me hehhehe. Anyways, stupid comment aside,

 

Thanx for reading...take lots of care and be strong, stay strong!

 

Soulfully yours,

Peace.

 

 

 

 

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[lost_puppy]

No you're not insane ... in fact, I'd think you were insane if you DIDN'T think about your ex most of the time!

 

Yes, everyone goes through this ... I think even our dumpers go through this, at least for a little while.

 

Everyone heals on their own schedule, so take your time, don't go by what you think should should be the "right" time ... one day you'll realize that you're over her and life is back to normal again

 

LP

[trishcollins]

It's been about 3.5 months for me, with minimal contact (now NC for good), and I probably still think about my ex 90% of the time too. Although at least I am not in deep despair anymore. However, there are subtle reminders everywhere I turn, and sometimes I wonder if I look for them on purpose. I am sure I can find a memory in ANYTHING if I applied myself.

 

Anyway, time is taking care of the real pain, and now I just a have "moments" when it strikes me. I am less and less obsessed about "getting back together" and more relaxed about just being open to whatever happens next. I know it all sounds a bit "Zen", but I guess having been through this four times now over the last 20 years, I am getting more used to the idea that these things happen, and that someone else will always come along.

 

I no longer consider my relationships failing as a reflection of me as a person -- perhaps poor judgement on my part when I get involved with people who are not ready to make a commitment (whether they know it or not) but otherwise I can honestly say that I know I am worthy of someone's love, and one day someone will love me and hang in there, no matter what.

 

So, just to let everyone know, it will get easier in time. I still love my "ex" and miss him like mad, but I know that I can't be with him, and there is nothing I can do about it except move on with my life.