Is he just shy?

[val212]

I take a bus to work and I noticed this guy for awhile and I admittedly

checked him out, in other words, I gave him the "eye". He hardly looked

and I assumed he wasn't picking up the vibe and wasn't even remotely

interested. Anyhow, one day back in May he sat next to me, which he never

did, and I was very excited , but nothing was said. The very next day

he sat with me again and said, "Can I ask you something"? I was like,

YEAH!!!!!!! He asked if I had gone to this highschool , which I had, and

he introduced himself and asked if I remembered him. Honestly, I did

not remember him and I answered him honestly. ANyway, we continued with

our conversation and I learned that he's my age, single, funny, seems

nice, etc...

I also made it clear that I was single. The problem was and is, I dont

know if he;s just being friendly or he's interested.

I dont see him on a regular basis n the bus but whenever I do, he sits

with me and it's always nice. I noticed he sometimes will say things

jokingly like " I feel im annoying you", or "You're probably like here

comes the annoying guy on the bus" , or "Do you want company" and to all

of these things I always say of course I want company or you're not

bothering me, or I enjoy your company, etc., to reassure him. I feel bad

and I wonder am I doing something that's throwing him off? I've tried to

hinting to him and setting up scenarios so that he can ask me out and

he hasnt.

The most that has happened is back in July, 2 months after our first

conversation, he asked what I was doing over the weekend, so I said Im

supposed to go to this singles event with a friend at a local bar and he

said he'll try to pass by,then he said he would have to run it by his

friends, he;s obviously not going to show up alone. I was like SCOREm

Finally he made a move!!!! I figured he was waiting for an opportunity

like that. Anyhow, it wound up pouring terribly that night and I didnt

wind up going. When I saw him on the bus the following week he asked if I

ever wound up going and I said and he then said he would up going to a

different bar. Then I said, I should have given you my number, which I

think was his cue to say, "Yes, Let me have it for next time".

Unfortunately he didnt say anything. I was like, Ok, that went well- NOT!!!!

I feel like I try to encourage him and stuff, but nothing.... Honestly,

I dont know what I should be doing? Maybe I should throw my bra at him

as a sign of interest, ha ha just kidding. Seriously, I really like him

but I prefer men to do the asking out and I really dont care what year

we're in, somethings should stay old fashioned in my opinion, it's

nature.

Also, he never talks about other girls and no he;s not gay. However,

one day he sat with this girl who he's friends with and I dont believe

there's anything going on there and he told he went out with a girl , and

I wondered was that for me to hear??? Because the last time before

that, I started to tell him that I went out to this place and he was like

there are alot guys in that place and that it's like a meat market. I

said that I wasnt interested in the those types. Then he said he goes

after work on Thursdays, so I said we shoud go out....dead silence and I

know he heard me. The only thing I can think of is that he just thinks

that I am being polite and cordial by saying we should go out/.

WHat is the problem this is all very confusing and I really like him .

I cant believe we;re 27 and it;s still a problem unless he;s just not

interested????

[DopeStar]

It sounds like he has insanely low self esteem. Do you really like to work this hard to get a guy that is only going to bring down the mood everytime you hang out(Quote "I fee like Im bothering you" that mood is probly a constant in his life). You either need to either take control and set up a date or give up, a few months is way to long ot show interest and have nothing happen.

[Scout]

At first as I was reading this, I felt he's definitely interested. As I kept reading about your several attempts to give the guy an opening to ask you out, and he fielded none of them, I became just as confused as you!

 

I think you've done more than enough. Sometimes, we just don't know what is going through someone's head. And it's really not supposed to be this much effort if two people are mutually interested. I'd give it up, be pleasant and friendly, but make no more overtures if I were you. He's had plenty of direct messages from you to ask for your number, if he's going to sit there like a bump and not do anything about it, I don't think you should put yourself out any more either.

[fmfisdead]

Yes, I feel the same as scout, I was pretty sure this guy was interested, and I'm a shy guy myself, so I would find it hard to make a move like that. But this guy had it thrown right there for him! I would kill to have that! I mean maybe he is shyer then I give him credit for, but sheesh I would have jumped all over that. You gotta stop looking into it so heavily you know, some of the signs you may have overthought and whatever, and turned out to be something totally different then he meant. Not sure, just saying to watch out because i do this also, and I end up getting let down. So basically if you think hes worth it, and hes STILL not asking you out, maybe you should do it, because if you think hes worth it, maybe its worth it to change your ways for this guy. hope this helps.

[Day_Walker]

If you want to claim to be old fashion then thats fine but then you should realize that you are going to get into situations like this. If you are that concerned if this guy has an itnerest in you then you need to do more than drop hints. Suggest something casual so that you dont feel like you are initiating. As far as you doing more than enough, you dont know his side of the story you could be doing all this and he could just think your being friendly. You made the mistake of being old fashioned which has created the dilemma you are in currently. If you honestly have an interest in this guy you will sack up and be more forward. Here is something radical that i mentioned earlier ask him to meet for drinks after work.

[Scout]

I agree with you Day_Walker on most of your points. But don't you feel she already put the ball in his court? I think she's done more than drop hints, she directly offered him her number and his response was dead silence.

[val212]

Well I said " I should have given you my number" when we missed each other at the bar. He very well may have thought that I was just being polite and diplomatic, in other words, insincere.

[Scout]

Any normal guy interested in you would have then said "Well, give it to me now."

[Day_Walker]

I feel that she has been very vague with him and given his personality type, he is the kind of guy where she is gonna have to call him or she is gonna have to be more forward.

[yogaroots]

I am a guy that very rarely reads signals well. A friend of mine that just got married and we were talking a few months before her marriage and she told me that liked me in the past but I never picked her signals. Ive heard this over and over again. Women tell me that they were interested but ive never got the signals. some of us are just really bad with picking up these signals and im one of em.

[DopeStar]

She gave him to many signals in my opinion, if he can't pick up on the ones she gave out and get the confidence to follow through from them then he is not going to be capable of maintaining a relationship. Any guy that misses "I should have given you my number" and then still doesnt get it is not going to be good in a relationship. I mean even if he wanted to just be friends with her he would have needed her number to call her right? Forget this guy, he will only bore you and bring you down.

[Scout]

Yeah, come on people...let's be realistic. Most of us would have picked up on her signals pretty soon. For those of you that have a hard time picking up signals, I'd try to figure out why. Especially if you're hearing over and over that you are always missing signals. Are you paying attention to the people you're conversing with or thinking a million other things while they're trying to talk to you?

[CarterJonas]

Well val212, throwing your bra at him would sure will get his attention, lol

 

Otherwise why not you ask him for his number? I have to admit that you have given him pretty clear signals, so I don't know why he has not asked you for a date or your number. When you talk to him do you get the feeling that he is a shy guy?When he talks to you is he flirty, ie are there signs of attraction on his behalf?

 

I'm pretty hopless at picking up signals but even myself would have picked up on them!