I'm healing well, but actually feel sorry for my ex now

[herewegoagain]

A lot of you know my story - my ex dumped me and immediately (if not sooner) went to a new guy. I found out that after only a month or so after dumping me, she was already head over heals in love with her new man, and even talking about marriage ( i got all this info from a friend).

 

She is 27 and a professional, he is still in college full time.

 

Anyway, I really feel sorry for her. She is so insecure that she can't be alone. She has some deep self esteem issues, and she just cannot be alone, not for one minute, without a guy. she has never been without a guy since she was 20 years old.

 

I feel sorry for her because she is an attractive, educated person, but needs a man to make her feel worthwhile. I wish she would have taken the time to look at things rationally. First of all, she should have thought about the guy that she is now with - how he knew that she was with me, but still went after her. what kind of guy is that?

 

Also, I found out that he is the kind of person that she wants - he emails her everyday and tells her he loves her over and over, and how beautiful she is, etc, etc. It's funny, because the reason she broke up with me was because I didn't do those sort of things enough. So now, I'm sure she thinks how good this guy is and how he is meeting her needs so quickly.

 

Well let me tell you, if I had to worry about having to compliment her enough times per day, or saying I love you enough times per day, then I would be flat out MISERABLE. So this breakup was for the best. I cannot live like that with such a needy person. So to all of you who THINK you want your ex back, make sure you really think rationally. I know it's hard, but eventually you will be thinking rationally. then you can honestly decide if your ex is even worth a thought anymore.

 

I'm sure that will all fade with her new man. If not, more power to them.

They have been going out for two months now, and thay are happy together. We'll see if it lasts. I really don't care if it does but I just feel sorry for her.

 

So, advice to all of you - before you get serious with someone, find out about their past, and if they were never alone, let that be a warning to you because you may be the next one to get dumped while he/she is moving to someone else!!! I know we shouldn't dwell on one's past, but you just have to be aware of it. BE CAREFUL. I know a lot of you may be saying, "Well I can tell she really loves me though." That's fine, but BE CAREFUL. I'm not trying to say it will not ever work out, but BE CAREFUL. I never would have thought in a million years that my ex would do such a thing, but she did!! These type of people, when a little trouble arises, they just give up and move to someone else.

 

i'm glad I reached the point where I am no longer angry at her. Like I said, sometimes I feel like crying for her - not because I miss her, but because of all the issues and problems she has. I wish I could really and truly talk to her as a friend about this, but I know that is not possible. I wish for her sake that her family, sister, and close friends would try to help her, but they are the type of people (especially her family) who would never even bring the subject up at all. they just kind of keep their mouth shut.

 

So, BE CAREFUL AND BE RATIONAL!!!!

 

Also, for those of you who are like my ex gf, who can't be alone - next time, sit back and take your time, and really evaluate things about your life. Ask yourself, why do I keep going from one person to the next? That way, this will help you in the long-run.

[hockeyboy]

as you know herewegoagain...i agree with everything your saying. we are in very very similair positions. its so true what your saying about thinking rationally. i have been doing that and i have decided for me..that i dont want my ex back and i have decided to let go. only when you do it for yourself and you make that choice will you really heal. why? because your not holding onto anything. you dont have to wonder. it doesnt matter what she is doing or thinking because you will not be with her. so what if she may want you back someday, so what if she doesnt, so what if shes seeing someone else. who the hell cares. i admit, it still hurts me some but i am so much better then i was.

 

i think feeling sorry for your ex is a very important step. its part of the healing process and its healthy. i rather feel sorry for them then be moping around the house feeling sorry for myself. thats the big difference. when you start to pity them, they way they pitied us, we gain a new perspective. why did they come off so coldly? they pitied us. once we turn that table or at least make it equal, i know, for me anyways, i find that i care as little as she does, or at least working that way. im supposed to call my ex this weekend. i havent talked to her in a week...she said to call this weekend, but im not going to. i dont have that same desire/need to do so. im happier w/out her, im happier in my bed alone then in bed with her. im happier doing pretty much everything with myself then i would w/ her (who she is NOW). I know someday i will find the right girl, i may have already found her in this new girl. however, its to early to tell..time will tell.

[herewegoagain]

Hockeyboy - good point about how we pity them like they did to us!! How true!!

[hockeyboy]

feels so good too. thats when you stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually feel kinda lucky that they did what they did. its their loss not ours.

[if only]

I totally agree I got with my ex 3 months after he split from his GF they were together for 1.5 years, in the 3 months he also dated 2 other girls without a break. He also got with his previous GF whilst he was in a relationship with someone else he was with for a year.

 

Why did I think things would be different? well because we spent 5 years together ....nope it took him just a week to get with someone else when his reason was, 'I have always been in a relationship I need to be single to find out who I am' he is still with this girl 6 months down the line!!!

 

What a complete looser!! Yes you may be able to tell I am a little bitter from this & I should have guessed this would happen.

 

I do not feel sorry for either of them (she also has just split from her husband) I feel sorry for me. I am still single now yet I was the one who wanted to be in a relationship. But although I feel sorry for myself I know this was right, I am happy with myself that I did not feel the need to rush into another relationship after him. I am independent and a better person and I know when the time is right and I meet someone better I will take no bagage with me.

[hockeyboy]

thats good to hear ifonly...sounds like your on the right track.