nattpanter Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 "Strength through affection" By that I mean you told her clearly about your standards in regard to what you can/can`t accept from a partner, but you also told her you would be hurt if you saw her with someone else (standards/emotions) I think its perfect delivery of such a message. If you leave out how it would make you feel seeing her with someone else, it does not appeal to the heart but the mind only. Link to comment
incomingfire Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 I see - thanks for that Link to comment
brickheart Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Those with "nice guy syndrome", you can be a "guy that is nice" without being a "nice guy". BIG DIFFERENCE, let them see you have a life aside from them and it shouldn't be a problem. But when you are with them, be nice. I love this! Seriously, you have struck the perfect balance! I think you should go around and be an inspirational speaker to all these guys who whine about getting stepped on AND the guys who think they need to be jerks in order to get the girls. I wish more guys were like you! ETA: I'm so glad you were able to stand firm and have a positive result. Congrats! Hope to hear more updates in the future. Link to comment
incomingfire Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Thanks Brickheart - To be honest I wish I'd worked this out sooner, without having to go through the pain I've already had with this girl. I'm contemplating put my foot down further, but I'm not sure it's essential....what do you guys think. As I stated, she openly made the choice to be exclusive with me so that she didn't lose me.......we aren't in a relationship, we are just exclusively "seeing" each other at the moment. We hang out, we have dates, we hit the bedroom......but the relationship tag isn't there yet, because I think she's worried that the things that I did to put her off will come back. i.e. Nice Guy Syndrome. Aside from that, sometimes things are slow. She'll invite me round hers for all of an hour and then ask me to go because she wants to go to sleep, after hardly being close with each other at all. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I have contemplated putting my foot down AGAIN and making it clear that if there is no "US" then there is no "ME" in her life. Should I do this? or just take it slow, be cool and be glad that she's keeping herself to me? Link to comment
Mellie Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 If you put your foot down further, she'll be off, is my prediction. Maybe you need to do this if the situation is making you unhappy. But one last push could be one too many, and hindsight is a beautiful thing. That's just my opinion. You're exclusive, you're seeing her again. You're either happy with what's on the table or not, but if you bang down your fist be prepared for it all to disappear. Link to comment
incomingfire Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Great - Yes I thought as much. I am happy with what's on the table. It is, after all, exactly what I wanted before I said I would walk away from her. In the current situation, the respect is there and the trust is there. I think by working on myself by not being too "full on" or "needy", she will want a relationship before long anyway. This is my pitfall, I have done everything else right and got her back, to myself!! BUT I find it difficult to cut down the attention and contact I throw towards her. It's these factors ALONE that will make or break us, if I can't control my emotion and just RELAX and be COOL by KNOWING everything will be fine, then it won't last. If anyone can offer me advice on how to drop these unattractive traits without it driving you mad, please enlighten me! (if you've ever tried "securing" your relationship by planning the future, example: "Would you like to see this band play in October?", really what I am asking is "Are we still gonna be together in October?"......that's me......I have to be cool and just know it'll be ok by flowing along with things, but I need advice and guidance on this) Link to comment
incomingfire Posted July 3, 2012 Author Share Posted July 3, 2012 Also, should I be worried that she hasn't deleted her PoF profile yet? (online dating) Link to comment
nattpanter Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Also, should I be worried that she hasn't deleted her PoF profile yet? (online dating) Why not ask why? If she can`t handle that she`s not for real. Just make sure you do it gently! "hey can i just ask you why you still have that PoF profile up going?" (make it light-hearted) whatever she says you can respond with "I would like us to get this right so it would mean alot to me if you could take it down" I mean, you have already told her straight to the face what you can accept and not. Just go smooth about it so you don`t come accross as a posessive guy, but a man with value, good wishes and standards. Link to comment
incomingfire Posted February 8, 2020 Author Share Posted February 8, 2020 7.5 years on, just an update to let anybody who's interested know.... Dumped this girl about 7.5 years ago because she couldn't commit. Realised that the whole time, she was the problem - not me..... seeee ya! Anyway, few years later, met my now wife (when I wasn't looking)! We've been together 6 years, 1st child on the way. Never been happier. No silly games, no second guessing. Just a natural, easy-going relationship. So my final advice would be.... "A relationship is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably a turd" Don't muck around playing games and letter another person toy with your feelings, you'll meet the right person at the right time. When you stop looking for the wrong person, that is. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 Congrats and great update!7.5 years on, just an update to let anybody who's interested know.... Anyway, few years later, met my now wife (when I wasn't looking)! We've been together 6 years, 1st child on the way. Never been happier. No silly games, no second guessing. Just a natural, easy-going relationship. So my final advice would be.... Don't muck around playing games and letter another person toy with your feelings, you'll meet the right person at the right time. When you stop looking for the wrong person, that is. Link to comment
Thebighere Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 7.5 years on, just an update to let anybody who's interested know.... Dumped this girl about 7.5 years ago because she couldn't commit. Realised that the whole time, she was the problem - not me..... seeee ya! Anyway, few years later, met my now wife (when I wasn't looking)! We've been together 6 years, 1st child on the way. Never been happier. No silly games, no second guessing. Just a natural, easy-going relationship. So my final advice would be.... "A relationship is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably a turd" Don't muck around playing games and letter another person toy with your feelings, you'll meet the right person at the right time. When you stop looking for the wrong person, that is. Thank you for coming back and sharing. That is great news!!! It's nice to hear a success story. I experienced something very similar. I am not happy and engaged, and can see my past relationship for what it is. You are very correct about forcing things (your description made me giggle) Link to comment
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