Are you an 'Arranger'?

[Brian_Damage]

I've become fed up recently with some of my close friends, it always seem to be me putting in the effort making things happen with regards to meeing up or going out. Even something as simple as chatting on Yahoo Messenger tends to mean I have to instigate the conversation.

 

Do other people have this problem with their friends? It almost seems as if they've all settled into this routine whereby they don't put any effort in because they know I'll do it and if I leave it to try to prove a point, they still don't get the hint.

 

I sometimes wonder if I'm being pushy with them, but I'm just trying to keep the social dynamic going. I wonder if I just stopped, would I ever hear from them or see them again?!?! It's so frustrating.

 

Right now I've been left dead by them about doing lunch (They're at work, whilst I have the week off). I suggested yesterday we all meet up and a couple of them said that was good, so I thought I'd wait for them to tell me when they're all free. Nothing, nada.. I IM one of them to find out what's up and get NOTHING back, but he's going in and out of 'away' so I know he's about. Would it be that hard to spend 10 secs to reply?

 

PLEASE tell me I'm not alone in this situation!

[ayekasong]

No, you're not alone with this. My friends often make the comment like "we should do something sometime"... I say "ok," expecting them to have something in mind, and then I get an IM, e-mail, or something else a few days or weeks later like "When are we going to six flags, when are we having this party, yadda yadda."

 

Actually it makes me really angry too. I'm busy. I have a lot of things to do and remember. Don't expect me to plan everything, a friendship is a two way street!

 

One of my friends who apparently has way too much time on her hands would start asking me in March when we were going to do something in May. It was beyond irritating, since she managed to always do it during finals or midterms or some other major event.

 

I finally just gave up and stopped calling people.

[swedeace]

You're not alone.... I feel the exact same way.... The only friends I basically have are co-worker friends (who I see weekly) and old high school friends (who I don't see as often). Of those times with my co-worker friends when we actually did hang out or something, it was due from my teeth-pulling anctics. Had I not done it, there wouldn't have been any outings. And believe me, they're few and far in between....

 

I've only really had female friends in my life, and when I came accross my first male friend, I thought about the possibilities people were telling me. They were telling me how easier it is to hang out with guys, so I took that into account. But this male friend's motivation to hang out with me is proving to be even WORSE teeth pulling than those co-worker friends....

[Mr. B]

I have a friend who's complained of being in this position. She's reasonably correct, but she started making arrangments and eventually became the one everyone assumed would make the phone calls and such... and then there's the fact that all my friends, including this one are girls and they can never make up their mind about anything.