Is he really the right guy for me??

[Nitemarehippy]

I know that's a very big question...but,well,here's my situation:

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years,and we've been living together for about 2...usually we have a great time together,we laugh,we're affectionate,we're always told we look really cute together,and we are definitely attracted to each other.But lately I'v ebeen wondering about a few things that he does....does he really love me?

 

1

First,I want us to get engaged,but he's not ready for that yet...this has been going on for some time and it's starting to bother me a bit...are we EVER going to do this??

 

2

Everytime we have a fight,he calls me stupid,and once,he spat at me.I've asked him so many times not to call me that,I find it plain old MEAN and disrespectful!But he keeps doing it,and just says that everyone says stuff like that when they're mad..but I don't think he needs to be calling me stuff like that...am I overreacting?Does this mean he doesn' t really care about me?

 

3

He doesn't want to have kids with me.because he thinks we're too different to raise them together...OUCH!If he thinks we're so incompatible,why would he want to be with me?

 

4

Sometimes I just get a feeling he doesn't like me...he doesn't like my religion,the way I dress,or most of my opinions about stuff....again I just wonder why he's staying with me,and whether I should stay with him... or am I just insecure?

 

I realize this is a long list of complaints,and a complicated issue,I guess,and I swear to god we usually have a good relationship...I just have these doubts about his feelings for me that I needed to "air out"...and I must confess I sometimes think if we're never going to get married or have children,what's the point??Well, I would really appreciate some advice...

 

Love,Hilde from Norway!(-:

[JynX]

I think both of you need a break from each other. A little distance won't hurt, and if it's meant to be, it'll strengthen what foundation you guys already have. If it doesnt work out, however, you'll see right away it wasnt meant to be and wont waste any more of your time on something that just wont happen.

 

JyNx

[AlleyCat]

1

First,I want us to get engaged,but he's not ready for that yet...this has been going on for some time and it's starting to bother me a bit...are we EVER going to do this??

 

I don't think this is a significant concern (sheesh, I've been with my b/f for over 6 years and I'm *still* waiting ). It sounds like you two have some other issues that need to be addressed before you seriously contemplate marriage.

 

2

Everytime we have a fight,he calls me stupid,and once,he spat at me.I've asked him so many times not to call me that,I find it plain old MEAN and disrespectful!But he keeps doing it,and just says that everyone says stuff like that when they're mad..but I don't think he needs to be calling me stuff like that...am I overreacting?Does this mean he doesn' t really care about me?

 

I also find that mean and disrespectful. No, you're not overreacting at all, in my opinion. I don't think it means he doesn't really care about you, but everyone definitely does NOT act like that when they're mad. It's very disrespectful and I think you two (well, mostly just him) need to work this out.

 

3

He doesn't want to have kids with me.because he thinks we're too different to raise them together...OUCH!If he thinks we're so incompatible,why would he want to be with me?

 

This might be something that would change in time. I think you two should consider counseling to work through your issues. Being different isn't necessarily a bad thing when it comes to raising children.

 

4

Sometimes I just get a feeling he doesn't like me...he doesn't like my religion,the way I dress,or most of my opinions about stuff....again I just wonder why he's staying with me,and whether I should stay with him... or am I just insecure?

 

If you really just mean "sometimes," then it could just be insecurities. You two don't need to agree on everything, so it's fine for him to disagree with you on certain issues. I think you should try to be less concerned about why he's staying with you and focus on why you're still with him.

 

I think it's natural to have doubts about one's relationship, but only you know how you feel, and what you need to do. Based on the information you provided, it's impossible to say whether he "truly" cares about you - I think most of these things are normal concerns to have when in a relationship (except for the spitting and calling you stupid - that just is NOT acceptable.

 

It sounds to me like you need to do some soul searching and decide if your relationship is worth putting up with his flaws. Everyone has them, and they'll just be different with someone else, not nonexistent. I also think the two of you should consider therapy to work through some of the issues about children and his behavior when you're arguing.

 

Good luck!!

[aireyc]

I agree with the above suggestions about fixing your other problems first. Rushing into a marriage with such problems will usually result in failure. Reason for my posting, my parents dated for 9 years before they got married. You still might have a bit to go through before anything becomes final.

 

Chris

[clodhopper]

my parents also dated for several years before getting married, so maybe time is all you need to work out your problems... dont rush into anything!

 

good luck