ADVICE PLS! WHY WONT HE LET GO? WHAT IS HE THINKING? AURG!

[magpie]

ive posted a few times in the past. things have developed, and ive grown more confused and jaded. my ex broke up with me about a month ago. he "wanted to be single. to be uncommitted. to be able to explore and find himself." blah, blah, blah!! basically, this means he wants the freedom to poke this tart he works with. a tart, who by the way, has a boyfriend, but who apparently doesnt stop her from going at it with anyone and everyone she damn well pleases. anyhow, a little over a week ago, he called me upset. he nearly cried as he told me that he reaized he has been messing up. he still loves me and wants to work through things. he doesnt want to give up before realizing what we could end up being. he even told me he wanted me to move to be near him so that we could spend more time together. hes 25 now (about same age as me) and doesnt want to be 35 and still seeking out the ability to fulfil his addiction to "new desires." as i love him, i agreed on working thorugh things. the other day we were making plans to meet and go backpacking together for a few days. he was telling me how he cant wait to see me, to kiss me to hold me to be with me. and then he tells me he needs to tell me something. he "pecked" that girl on the lips the night before. i was furious! he had led me to believe that we were back together. he even asked me to move to be with him. we went at it, and he said "i thought we were open" and "i cant be committed right now." blah, blah, blah! well, the other night (friday) he called after 1 am and woke me. he was obviously upset. i asked what the matter was, and he gave me details of his night. he and "the girl" had gone out with their coworkers (they work together as, get this, social workers. hehe! some sort of role modles they are to wayward kids!!") they were talking about having a three way with another woman, all "hypothetical" and such. they even shared the bathroom to pee. anyhow, she ended up dancing dirty with another man and he was upset and left. and had the audacity to call me! to tell me this and how he felt emotional pain over this, and how it must be nothing compared to the pain he caused me. he wanted to "apologize." anyhow, i was a bit concerned about his state (he was really distraught) so didnt tell him what a jerk he was to tell me this. ME of all people. the one whose heart he has broken over this piece of trash. anyhow, yesterday morning i called and told him what a jerk he was. that he had no business to call me and parade what feelings i have left for him around as if they were nothing. no business to compare what i have endured to the jealousy and disappointment he felt because he didnt get laid the night before. anyhow, i told him that i cant do this. i cant be in a love web. he says "why does it have to be life and death, black and white?" why cant i love you and still be free. i expalin its not that easy. you dont move backward...from committed and planning to move to be one another to open and uncommitted. it goes the other way around. he says he still is attracted to me emotionally, psychologically, and physically. he says he loves me. but that he cant be committed to me. he says he isnt going to let go of me entirely. which means that i will have to endure him telling me that he cares about me and wants to be with me and wants to kiss me and wants to hold me and wants to give me massages. blah, blah, blah! what in the hell is he thinking? what is going on? im moving soon, will be over 2000 miles away, so yes, i will move on. but what is going on in his head? and why wont he let me go so i can heal? he doesnt see how much he hurts me with every sweet word he says followed by thoughtless actions.

[SwingFox]

Hi magpie,

 

Thank you for posting your update here. I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. I understand that you are feeling down, beaten and very confused. I am sure that you're very much in pain right now and hurt on top of that.

 

You asked us questions about what he was thinking? Why this was happening to you? Those questions are impossible to answer for anyone but him. That is most likely not gonna happen. From what I have read, I speculate that he was trying to (ab)use you.

 

thereforeeeeeee I would make you the following suggestion. Shift your questions about him towards "what about me?". Ask yourself what you expect out of life. Make plans. You said you were going to move thousand(s) of miles away, which is probably a good move right now. No more phone calls from him! From there try to setup a circle of new friends and take it from there. Eventually your friends will help you through this.

 

I hope that this helped you on your way and I wish you good luck with your healing process. Time will eventually heal your wounds.

 

~ SwingFox ~