Mister "Too Quiet For His Own Good"

[sfboi415]

I know a girl who went to my highschool, incredibly attractive and in the same school play that I was. She's generally a cool person and when I saw her again at a nighttime music performance she greeted me warmly..kiss on the cheek, hug.

Anyways since then I've been screwing it up by not talking to her in depth, or with the right kind of spontaneous humor that establishes rapport. That first night a mutual friend drove us both home and I made conversation about her restaurant job, but kept to myself nearly the whole ride because I was thinking of what to say. Much recently at another music performance in a packed bar (anyone been on Valencia Street?) she arrived with her clique and greeted me. I asked her a question playfully "So, what you been up to?" She mentioned work but gave me a vague answer. After that she went around to the people she knew, and I didn't follow. Chance #1. Next, she was in a circle of people and I came over in an attempt to segue into the conversation but I said nothing! Chance #2.

 

I'm not expecting to be her new boyfriend or anything, but it's frustrating that I'm so unnaturally tight-lipped with someone that I sorta know. But is it possible to impress a girl with a sudden break of silence? What's the best way to make up for these missed opportunities?

 

Thanks for your help

[bzborow1]

It's good to see that you've recognized you have a problem and are looking for ways to fix it. Do you think you feel nervous because:

 

1. Although you say to yourself you're not expecting it, you still want it?

2. You feel as though you need to in some way impress her? Hide your feelings like it's wrong?

 

The answer is that the first 2 questions have the same underlying theme, confidence. You are second guessing yourself, thinking you have to say something special that will get her attention. The fact of the matter is that you have to treat her like you would a bratty sister. You need to not worry how she'll react and just talk. May you say something that puts your foot in your mouth? Maybe, but you'll learned!

 

Another thing is that you really shouldn't be hiding your attraction from her! Get her number, ask her to coffee, but DO NOT PRETEND around her. Chances are the woman will be able to tell by your body language that you like her anyway!

 

Lastly, why not practise? You could go to the mall one day and strike up a conversation with every store clerk you can find. It's easy because they are paid to be nice to you, and will gain valuable experience about coming up with things to say...testing how they go over, etc...

 

Example:

- go in to store and do this like 15 times.

- lady will ask, "can i help you with something?"

- u reply, "i'm looking for world peace and a rich girlfriend"

 

gauge there responses. Some will laugh, some will make weird faces, etc...the point is to get out there and try it...and if someone is there you fancy and the conversation goes well ask for her email.

 

Bill