New here. Breakup is too painful.

[Chryan]

Hey everyone my name is Christian. I'm almost 21 years old and I've been dating my first love for over 3 years.

 

recently we broke up and she's seeing someone else after about 2 months. I've fought for her but she begs for space and for me to leave her alone.

When I have the chance to see her, she gives in, but after she gets tired she asks me to leave. And when I do, she invites her new interest over.

 

I need help on getting over her and the thought of her with another guy.

I want to not contact her.

 

Maybe someone in a similar situation..

[Keyman]

Simply stop contacting her. Delete her number from your phone, delete all her emails, defriend her on facebook. Throw out all her pictures and the like and make your surroundings free of her, that way you won't have the constant reminder of her. If you can't destroy the photos or stuff, then put it in a box and leave it in your garage where it will take an effort to get to.

 

This is just the beginning, and is trying to get your head into a different mindset.

 

From there, start doing new things, hanging with new people and get on with your life.

 

Time will make a difference.

 

And as an extra, although it's not for everyone, go get laid and feel like you can have contact with other women. As I say, not for everyone and not always that easy, but sometimes it can help bulster the ego enough to help you push forward.

[Chryan]

Thank you so much. I know what I have to do but I can't get myself to do it consistently.

[RitaTrue]

Thank you so much. I know what I have to do but I can't get myself to do it consistently.

 

In the beginning of a break up, it's hard to do. That's why a lot of people, end up bargaining and begging with their ex because they keep sabotaging themselves. But, if you want to heal, it'll get easier for you over time.

[Chryan]

I've offered the craziest sacrifices. Cutting off all social connection with everyone and transferring to a school far away with her.

I can see the bargaining part.

 

It's almost like the death of a relative. The 5 steps.. The bargaining, the anger, the acceptance. etc.

[patterned]

Your relationship was special and important. It is valuable to both of you. It's OK to let it go. I've been where you are. First love, and later. Everything worked out great, and there was nothing I could have done to make it better.

[sunflowergirl0]

Chryan if you only defriend her on Facebook it's not enough. Believe me...I have been "stalking" my exes on Facebook (even if I broke up..I don't know why I'm like this) and now I'm trying something different. I use Facebook only for chatting with people and I have a programme (Trillian) and with this programme I have my Facebook chat outside of the page. And now I downloaded an app for blocking Facebook. It's good.

 

What I want to say is that you have to block her (and mutual friends) or block the whole Facebook to really get her out of your internet social life.

[Chryan]

I've deactivated my account already. She's blocked me so I can't see her stuff, but that wasn't the problem. I kept looking at her new interest's facebook and I could tell if he was with her by that.

 

Made me very uneasy.

[sunflowergirl0]

Ok. But you know that if you'll visit Facebook your profile will be again activated? Maybe it would be a good idea to block Facebook to really not going on that site. It's sooooo hard with Facebook! Before that we just broke up and saw us some months later and everything was ok. Now it's stalking over Facebook and I don't know what else.

 

If you need somebody to talk to you can send me a personal message

[Chryan]

I have to see about doing that.

 

And yes I'd love to, how do I go about doing that?

[sunflowergirl0]

I'll write you a message and the page will show it to you.

 

edit: It's not going...maybe you're not so long here and it won't go yet. But you can click on my nick and then click send personal message and then you can write me a message. But now it's disabled on your side.

[Chryan]

I can't figure it out, is there another way I can go about contacting you?

[sunflowergirl0]

We'll do it like this. This is a 10 minute email acc. Write me an email and I'll answer you with my real email account. That's only to protect my email account from visitors of this site. Here is the disposable email account: email removed and write me a message and then we'll talk per email. Ok?

[Taven]

It's easy for people to say 'just don't contact her' we've all been in that situation. We know we shouldn't contact the ex but the heart takes over and we cave.

 

The good news is (although you may not believe it) a time will come, soon I should think when you genuinely don't want to contact her and for her to contact you, and I mean really want. From that point on it's a lot easier.

 

Get all the begging ect out of your system, say everything you need to say to her to feel better right now, then when the time comes you decided to go NC, chances are you'll keep it up.

[Calamaty]

Hi Chryan,

First, I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing! Know that you are not alone. If you will read through these forums, you will find lots of wisdom, and sound advice, as well as commiseration.

 

I think that you know what you need to do. Be good to YOU first! Don't let her treat you in such a way that makes you feel bad. It's simply not worth it. There are more fish in the sea, especially at your age. I'm sure you are tired of hearing it, but it's the truth!

 

As for private messaging someone, click on their name (in blue) and you will see the option to send a private message. Best of luck to you, and stay strong and true to yourself!

[Chryan]

I am so happy I found ENA.

 

You guys are beyond helpful and it's the empathy that makes it so.