Potential new partner and very close friendships

[rosephase]

This is mostly a hypothetical question about what is acceptable in more monogamous relationships then mine.

 

So you meet someone your really into and they are very close friends with a triad (two women and a man who are in a committed romantic relationship and live together and have a open relationship so are free to date other people outside the triad individually or as group) they hang out a couple of times a week, go camping together, share birthday parties and do stuff that could border on “inappropriate” behavior like give each other half naked massages, get naked together in baths and hot tubs as well as shot gunning weed (where you blow smoke into each others mouths by putting your lips together).

 

This person you like would like to date you. Would you feel comfortable dating someone who acted like this? Or had acted like this in the past? Would you want him to stop being friends with the triad? Would you want to get to know the triad? Would you put caveats on his or her friendship with them in order to feel like there friendship was okay?

[mal222]

I believe that it depends on what you want from a relationship. If a person wants a strictly monogamous relationship, i think it would be hard for him/her to maintain a relationship with a person who belongs in a triad. IMO, someone has to be very open-minded to accept all the habits of a triad and not be jealous.

I also believe that when you decide being with someone, you'll have to accept them for who they are, so i think it would be very selfish to date someone with that kind of lifestyle and forbid him/her to do the things he/she enjoys or disapprove them in case he/she did them in the past.

[RedDress]

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with my bf being friends with sexually open-minded people... but... you blurred the lines a bit in your post.

 

Things that wouldn't bother me as I consider them friendship acts:

- hang out a couple of times a week

- go camping together

- share birthday parties

- shot gunning weed (to me this is just fun and flirty)

 

Things that I would have a problem with as I do not consider them friendship acts:

- give each other half naked massages

- get naked together in baths and hot tubs

 

Now... if this guy wanted to date me, I simply would not date him. Not because I have anything against the triad. But because - since he engaged in what I consider non-friendship activities with people he is calling friends, I would view him to have different boundaries, ideals and views on sex.

 

I don't really believe in controlling people or putting any kind of caveats on their life (whether it be who they are friends with or their behaviour). That is the path to unhappiness, conflict, feelings of resentment, betrayal, etc.

 

Isn't it simpler just to date people who share your views?

 

Edited to add:

 

I also have extremely conservative boundaries, however, when it comes to relationships.

- Friends are friends, not people you make out with, have sex with or get naked with.

- People you make out with, have sex with or get naked with are either your partner or no longer a part of your life.

- There is no such thing as friends with exes

- There is no such thing as friends with benefits

 

I like things very clear and separated. Lovers are lovers and friends are friends. I appreciate it when my partner shares my views.

 

See what I mean?