Embarking on Extreme Self-Improvement Plan to Counter an undesired Life Change?

[radiohead20]

Hey all,

 

I am a stubborn 26 year old guy who had issues with shyness/confidence growing up throughout high school and early college and have only started to really grow as a person. What has helped me grow the most by far in these past few years is going out and meeting active social people my age and being adventurous.

 

I have absolutely no intents to settle down now - however if the right person comes along I am willing. Also, I am extremely passionate about my hobbies (I'm a musician).

 

There is one huge "problem": My ex-gf is pregnant with my son and I know I have a responsiblity take help father the child. I grew up with some father issues from my father not truly being their and the one thing I swore about is to never deny my kids an involved father figure.

 

 

So now I am at this painful crux in my life:

 

-I am single, independent with an adventerous spirit and am not where near the point where I want to settle down with kids/family. I am constantly evolving and improving by meeting new people and new experiences. I have been fully invested in my hobby (music) for the past year and am making good progress and do not want to stop.

-I have a son coming and I feel as I cannot do what I have been doing with a kid, but know I have a responsibility and I don't have a choice.

 

 

So, being the stubborn ass I am, I want both. I know if I neglect my passions and don't grow as a person, and just live for my son, I am most likely going to become overweight, plain, and "settled". I know if I am not there for my son, I am also going to regret that in 20 years.

 

I don't want regrest in my life so I feel like I have to be able to do both. somehow.

 

Any hints? Is it possible to have a "Free" life loving mentality and persue your hobbies and passions and grow while having a kid? and I'm not talking about painting or knitting half an hour a day. I am heavily involved in music, play in a serious band, and probably spend 20 hours a week at LEAST doing music related stuff.

 

The solution to doing both? - I was thinking on building extreme "wilpower". I am going to need it becuase time is going to be an issue.

 

I boiled down my plan on accomplish both (my hobbies/growing and taking care of my kid).

-Eliminate any "waste" that doesn't contribute to furthering yourself/hobbies/kid. (examples would be surfing the net at night, watching tv, etc)

-Condition myself to get 6 hours a sleep a night total. this will allow more time in a day

-Stick with a job that works 40-45 hours a week MAXIMUM

-Discover time saving strategies and implement them (how to do laundry quicker/ quickest routes to work etc)

-Stick in an apartment or Condo/townhouse where I don't have to perform yardwork/maintenence.

 

Also:

-The ex-gf and I are on very good terms and most likely plan to split custody 50/50.

-We are both financially well-off. (Combined income of over 160,000)

[camus154]

I'm more curious where the practical dilemmas are in having a child and this lifestyle you wish to maintain.

 

Is it a matter of being on the road a lot?

Having a lot of late nights out?

Not being able to be out whenever you want when you have custody?

[radiohead20]

I'm more curious where the practical dilemmas are in having a child and this lifestyle you wish to maintain.

 

Is it a matter of being on the road a lot?

Having a lot of late nights out?

Not being able to be out whenever you want when you have custody?

 

 

It's mostly the fact that the "experts" (people that have raised kids) tell me that kids consume your life and there is little time for personal activities. I tell them that I can make it work and most of them just say "when you get up at 6am to feed the kids, get at work at 8am, pick them up from daycare, feed them dinner/play time and put them to bed and its 9pm, ur just going to want to veg out and go to bed too".

[agent1607307371]

It's mostly the fact that the "experts" (people that have raised kids) tell me that kids consume your life and there is little time for personal activities. I tell them that I can make it work and most of them just say "when you get up at 6am to feed the kids, get at work at 8am, pick them up from daycare, feed them dinner/play time and put them to bed and its 9pm, ur just going to want to veg out and go to bed too".

 

 

Do you live with your ex or will you have primary custody? If not then a lot of that weight will fall on your ex rather than you.

[blueidealist24]

I feel like you could do it, especially if you're well-off financially. The time-saving measures, like not surfing the net and not watching tv sound really good, actually. A lot of people waste like four to six hours a day doing those sorts of things - myself included sometimes. Anyway, I'm glad you're not going to abandon your kid as a lot of young, single fathers do.

[Batya33]

You probably can swing it, just understand that baby's/young children's schedules can become extremely unpredictable -for example daycare will not take a child who is sick. If your attitude is to put the child first and you really stick to that with your actions it might work fine!