From 'I love you more than I have loved anyone before' to...

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

Well...his feeling change had NOTHING to do with me asking what was going on with his sexual problem...at all. It is not me and now I know I did nothing wrong. I am sad, but relieved...if that makes sense.

 

His "feeling change" was due to the fact he has been conversing with his ex, on a very intimate level. He was with her last weekend, as in kissing her while out of town at their sons baseball tournament last weekend. He was drinking with her last night and sharing my texts with her...this was after he canceled our plans last night to go eat dinner with another couple.

 

So, there you have it folks...nothing Cialis can fix there. Like I said, I am devastated, but feel a burden lifted knowing that I did nothing...that is what was making me feel crazy, is knowing I didn't do anything to make him go from loving me and wanting to spend the rest of his life with me...to not feeling that way anymore...overnight, literally. His weekend with his ex did that. At least I know now. And the way I found out was less that honorable...I looked at his texts...not typical for me at all...but I knew it had to be something other than just plain stress...and my gut was correct. He told me he didn't care that I saw the texts and told me to get out of his house and that he didn't know what was on my phone...which there is nothing, at all.I would gladly let him go through it, which I told him...his response was that I probably deleted them. He was yelling and kept saying he didn't care. And blurted out something about his ex having uterine cancer...utter crap. There was NOTHING of that nature in the many, many texts. She is still sleeping with the man she left their marriage for. I just don't get it. I mean, I know there was a lot of time, kids, and memories with her, but really?!?!

 

I am most certain I will hit the grieving stage...right now I am hurt beyond all belief, but don't feel crazy trying to wrack my brains to figure out what I did. That is a little comforting...just a little.

[mhowe]

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders ---listen to your heart, but take care of yourself. There is no need to make a decision right away --- he may have too much on his plate right now.

[FreedomRing]

Um yes, there is certainly a reason to make a decision right away. He canceled with you and went cuddling with the ex-wife? Unacceptable. Disappear - poof! Drop off the face of the earth and let them have each other.

[becomingkate]

So sorry Eliza!

[ElizaLibbyBeth]

Thank you Becomingkate...I am so sorry too. I have now hit the devastated state...why was I not good enough...I feel second choice, disappointed, and passed over. I feel like a bad mother having allowed my children to be around him and his kiddos, but I really believed his words, which totally matched mine...we were planning a life together.

 

He said he wanted to try, but he knows it would never be the same and it would feel awkward...and he doesn't want that...he really believes that he tried since it happeden (I found out) but this is not the truth and I know it. I did nothing to make it this way. I am on my second day off of work, as of today...thank GOD I have PTO and never miss work, ever. Can't eat, sleep, or shut my mind off for more than a few minutes at a time...typical blindsided break-up things, I know. I will be fine...just not today. Did the whole beg, plead, reasoning, and lost pride in the process...go me! Told him we could still date, but not be exclusive...yeah, I know...who was I kidding, right?!? Of course he totally agreed with that. I would be a nice back up plan if his potential reconciliation didn't pan out. So I told him I couldn't go back to that, after all we shared. He told me he knew he would regret this for the rest of his life and that he would love me forever in his heart and he thinks about me 243 times a day. PUKE! Told him to take care and he responded..."you too, Liz...goodbye."

 

Left his garage door opener in my door last night, which he picked up...have deleted his numbers out of my phone, so I can't txt or call when I feel I need to say things...because, as a woman, I have a lot I want to say...and some of it not so nice, which serves NO purpose at all. So on day 2 of NC...and it sucks, but I need that for me...not to be gamey, but to find some sort of piece of mind...which I don't have yet, not even close. He knows where I am and how to get in contact with me if he wants to...I am not holding onto any false hope...he screwed me over, why would I entertain the thought to begin with...I deserve better than that.

 

I gave my all, put myself out there...I got burnt. Such is life. Sorry for the ramble...had to vent. Feel yucky, which is normal.

 

Thank you all for your words, I don't know one of you, but it helps to "hear" things from other people...you guys are more honest with me that he has been since this happened. For that, I am greatful.

[becomingkate]

Keep your head up! Hopefully this means that it was never meant to be, and the end of this may trigger the beginning of something new and better. *hugs*!