Guy wants a girl to learn his language. Is it a red flag?

[PrettyGood]

Imagine a guy asking if a girl he's interested in could learn his language in the future, because he wants her to live in his country. Is it a red flag? I mean if a girl never thought about learning his language and he feels sure that she should live in his country, not vice versus without even asking her about her wishes or future plans?

[Hollyj]

I think it depends on how long they have been together and if they have discussed a future?

[PrettyGood]

What if they are just in a 2nd date phase, nothing serious and she wasn't even thinking about the future yet? Is that a red flag?

[pinkelephant]

lolll it's a little weird, but some people just talk about random crap without meaning it. the guy i'm dating talked about learning my language, but i just lol-ed at him and moved on. i doubt he will but it'll be nice if we got serious and he did. idk, if you really like each other than sometimes you can get over enthusiastic, what's wrong with that?

 

(unless its not reciprocated).

[Hollyj]

Hell yes!!!!

 

Beware of future fakers!!! If someone is discussing something like this without knowing you, it shows that they are not serious. If something feels off, it usually is. Go with the gut feeling.

 

Beware of people who become too close too quickly (charmers), as they usually disappear just as quickly as they came.

[Tia Emma]

not a red flag. He is being straightforward. It's good that he's not wasting anybody's time by stating his deal breaker upfront.

[PrettyGood]

not a red flag. He is being straightforward. It's good that he's not wasting anybody's time by stating his deal breaker upfront.

 

Actually he told those words! "I will be very straight to you and tell everything I think, don't get offended". I mean, how weird is that to feel some kind of anxiety and be aware that now he may say something you are not even ready to hear?

[Hollyj]

not a red flag. He is being straightforward. It's good that he's not wasting anybody's time by stating his deal breaker upfront.

 

He told her on the second date that he wanted her to move to his country. That sounds normal???

[ToF]

It may not be "normal" by some standards, but he's being direct so that he doesn't waste his time or yours. He wants to bring a girl home with him to his country, and in order to do that she needs to know his native language. So now this girl knows what his intentions are and she can go ahead and make an informed decision about whether or not to continue seeing him.

 

OP, are you the girl in question?

[abitbroken]

It may not be "normal" by some standards, but he's being direct so that he doesn't waste his time or yours. He wants to bring a girl home with him to his country, and in order to do that she needs to know his native language. So now this girl knows what his intentions are and she can go ahead and make an informed decision about whether or not to continue seeing him.

 

OP, are you the girl in question?

 

True. But, PrettyGood, just because he wants this doesn't mean you have to conform to it. It can mean that the guy is weeded out as a potential boyfriend if you just don't want to do that.

 

BTW, if the girl you are talking about is you, is this the guy you were talking about before that didn't buy you Christmas presents or something - a different guy than the ex you were talking about recently who is deciding between two women? Or am i confused?

[Hollyj]

It may not be "normal" by some standards, but he's being direct so that he doesn't waste his time or yours. He wants to bring a girl home with him to his country, and in order to do that she needs to know his native language. So now this girl knows what his intentions are and she can go ahead and make an informed decision about whether or not to continue seeing him.

 

OP, are you the girl in question?

 

It's only two dates. This is weird!!!!

[Mustachio]

Was this a situation of "you should move with me back to my country" or more a situation of "my country is a wonderful place, you would love living there". If the latter, then why would that be a red flag, sounds like small talk, if I had previously lived somewhere I missed tremendously, Im sure I would tell people they should move there all the time. However, on a second date its weird for someone to be saying it in a way like planning a future.

 

Anyways, I wouldnt say this is a clear cut situation and really depends on the the two people and how they perceive things and what they both want.

 

Of course, if what abitbroken is asking is true, then thats a whole different story.

[Perrin83]

A lot of people only date people they feel they would like to marry one day. Some cultures even prohibit casual dating. If this person is from a culture like that, I expect that he's taking this very seriously. He's also likely taking a very uncertain step in pursuing someone outside of his culture (where the "you should move back to my country and learn my language" aspect of things would be explicitly understood from the get go).

[Hollyj]

A lot of people only date people they feel they would like to marry one day. Some cultures even prohibit casual dating. If this person is from a culture like that, I expect that he's taking this very seriously. He's also likely taking a very uncertain step in pursuing someone outside of his culture (where the "you should move back to my country and learn my language" aspect of things would be explicitly understood from the get go).

 

If that were the case, then I would doubt they would be dating outside the culture.

[The_Seeker]

LOL I would make a joke right back at him.

 

"Sure I'll learn your language, if you learn mine."

 

It's not a red flag unless he FORCED you to do that then YEAH MAJOR RED FLAG.

[erzerum7]

This is not a red flag in and of itself. It just shows that he takes you seriously (as potential LTR/marriage material). The assumption that you would be moving over there (rather than he moving over to where you live) is more worrisome. That sort of thing must be discussed concretely, and only once a decision is reached will one or the other person have to learn another language (or want to, out of love ).

[Firiel]

To me, it depends on how he said it. If he said, "YOU are so wonderful and I love you and you are great and you will be moving back to my country with me, so learn the language" then I would say it was a red flag that he got so attached to you so quickly. If he just spoke in general terms ("I would eventually want a woman to move back to my country with me and learn my language"), then I just see it as a straight-forward way to avoid wasting time by weeding out women that would be totally against moving out of country for a LTR.

[somebunnyluvsu]

Eyes are the windows to the soul. Do you have a face?.. or are you enamored by your own feet??

[ToF]

I would think it's weird after two dates as well, but I would probably chalk it up to a cultural difference and move on. I definitely wouldn't see him again unless, for some reason, I was ready to pack my bags and buy Rosetta Stone.

[The_Seeker]

I would think it's weird after two dates as well, but I would probably chalk it up to a cultural difference and move on. I definitely wouldn't see him again unless, for some reason, I was ready to pack my bags and buy Rosetta Stone.

 

;] He might be a "Slytherian." LOL

[Perrin83]

If that were the case, then I would doubt they would be dating outside the culture.

 

If cultures were restricted to certain geographical areas, then there would be no war.

 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, I think) cultures CAN and DO intermingle.

 

Hollyj, do you live in a predominately Caucasian Ah-mur-ican area? That would explain your naivety.

[Hollyj]

Uhh no, I live in NYC! That is why I thought your comment was a bit silly

[The_Seeker]

If cultures were restricted to certain geographical areas, then there would be no war.

 

Unfortunately (or fortunately, I think) cultures CAN and DO intermingle.

 

Hollyj, do you live in a predominately Caucasian Ah-mur-ican area? That would explain your naivety.

 

LOL Does anyone remember Rush Hour 2?

 

Chinese Woman: "Do you got Ah-MUUUUR-iiii-can moneh?"

 

Ha ha ha!

[Hollyj]

I have also dated outside my race.

I do not believe that if someone were brought up in a culture that did not permit dating outside of marriage, would be likely to bring home one of another culture .

[somebunnyluvsu]

Be careful who you call naive. Ill come to your door. Grim reaper style.