gf of 2 years moving out of state with no invite

[effanrr]

I am dating a women for 2 years. Told me she is moving out of state. I did not get invited to move with her. The move date is hard set for 8 weeks. She says lets see how it goes when she moves. It is up to me to romance her but instead i resent her.

 

When I said I would move down after her to my own place. She said she needs some one with more money (not in those exact words).

We have conflicts last several weeks as i am not meeting her expectations.

 

Part of me say make a clean break right now. Part me feels like I should try to fight to the end.

 

Is the righting on the wall? BTW are both 50 yo.

[annie24]

is the move out of nowhere? did she get a new job? what's the story. i would find it kind of unusual that a person would make a huge decision to move without telling their partner about it first, or mentioning it as an option. i don't think it's really great. i would talk to her and ask what is up.

[effanrr]

her child is graduating high school and she can sell her very expensive house

and move to a less costly state - where she is from. So it makes sense on that basis.

[annie24]

ok, but you'd think that would be the kind of thing she would discuss with you....? i guess you should ask her what this means for the relationship? does she want to do long distance? does she want you to move to her state? what's going on?

[effanrr]

i did ask her. On one hand she says she wants to move and have some time. Other times I feel she is challanging me to show her how much I care. Frankly, I think her rejection of me based on my current finances is a big turn off for me.

[ClarityCoast]

If someone makes THAT big of a decision while dating someone else...clearly, that someone else was not made with their significant other in mind.

 

If she is doing this as a "challenge," you may want to ask yourself, "Is this the kind of relationship I want?" If you "win" this challenge, what will be next?

If she wants you to chase her, and you do, you have only taught her that you are ready for MORE...running.

Say you arrive at her new home, what will be the NEXT "hard" deadline that she hands to you? Another move? Marriage? Divorce?

If this is all over MONEY, how does that shape your future? Maybe you don't make much now...but maybe you will make more later or maybe you'll make less. Financial matters will continue to pop up for the rest of your life. If this is how she handles the first one, how will she handle the next?

 

And ultimately, what will make YOU happy?

Do you want to move to this state?

Are you ready and financially able to uproot?

If the relationship ends and you now live in a new place, will you still like it there?

How will this sudden decision of hers impact the quality of your relationship?

[effanrr]

wow thank you claritycoast. Well i would say the challenge is for marriage after I can pull my own weight financially. But there is a new twist. Recently I witnessed for the first time her psychotic break down. I am not a trained psychiatrist but a family member is a trained psychotherapist. It was very likely we saw a bit of Schizophrenia. This does not bode well. What if I move afwasy from my family to a strange location and get married and then on top of everything deal with this illness.

It is getting clear u have to first take care of myself. I love her a great deal and part of me can't imagine living without her. But more and more the opposite is true;

 

I can imagine living with here.

My game plan is to be her friend and help her with her move and then let the situation run its course.

[ClarityCoast]

Sometimes the greatest affection you can show someone is detaching...with love.

Otherwise, you are essentially "enabling" or coddling their mental illness.

If she is truly Schizophrenic..love can not cure it. Only her doctor.

 

You have a great game plan. Help her with her decision. Show her compassion. Work on healing your hurt.

Keep posting.