I can't hold down conversations with people.

[SilentFish]

To put it quite bluntly, I cannot talk with people. I mean I don't have problems with small talk or giving generic answers like ''no'' ''yes'' ''great'' when people ask me how my day is going or wether or not I'll like fries with that. It's not that, it's actually talking about things and life in general on a social level. I don't ever ask questions and nor do I initiate any form of conversation on my own and this lack of wanting to communicate isn't driven by fear. I don't suffer from anxiety and nor do I have any confidence issues. It might as well be the case that I simply do not feel the need to talk about anything but at the same time it feels like it's something much deeper.

 

It's strange because I do enjoy the company of other humans but it's a weird, non-verbal type of connection that I romanticise about. I could live with someone to the end of time in complete silence if given the chance. However, at the moment, I am content being alone, it's peaceful and simple but I am curious. I am curious to know wether or not there are people out there like myself and I am curious to know why I am like this.

 

Sometimes my silence feels it represents an inescapable truth, a life secret that I have successfully come to terms with and there are other times where it feels like a psychological disorder caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals within my brain. Lately I've noticed that I'm beggining to think less, a lot less. My mind feels like it is clearing and I'm not sure if this blankness is eroding my sanity or if it is deteriorating the very foundation of a corrupt, culturally driven mechanisim of unnecessary desire.

 

I feel torn between two sides of the medallion but there is no longer fear or an urgency to do anything about it. I remember when I was younger and when I used to feel a constant need to be doing something or to be getting somewhere and now as I reflect upon my life, I struggle to fathom how much of that was actually driven by my own genuine internal dialogue.

 

Dose anybody know what's going on?

[SuperDuper]

Well, I'm not sure how old you are or your daily activities but perhaps you should begin to alter your day-to-day lifestyle if you feel you'd like to become more open.

Some people are just more introverted than others, and honestly if this isn't affecting your happiness then I don't see what the big deal is. If you're simply confused as to why you feel this way... then all we can do is guess. But if you're posting on the forum to try and change your outlook on life because you feel you're heading down a negative path, then I'd say do the following:

 

Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Go to a concert, or live music show... go to a house party, or dinner/drinks with friends. Actively try to seem interested in others by asking questions and you may find by the end of the night you have sparked a slight interest in conversing that previously wasn't there.

 

Personally, I really enjoy meeting new people as long as I feel they have something to offer in terms of good stories, or good conversational skills. For me, it's part of being human.. I want to see what other humans are like and how they interpret the world that I'm so opinionated about. If you don't have these same urges then perhaps you're simply content with the knowledge (or lack-thereof) that you currently possess. Like I said, if this isn't affecting your happiness then I don't think it's a major issue.. ONLY if you have a deeper urge/curiosity to break free of this silent lifestyle do I think actively trying to get out more and asking questions about others will help you.

[sidehop]

Are you the same way with your family or close friends?

[SilentFish]

Are you the same way with your family or close friends?

 

Yes. I no longer have any close friends now though.

 

Well, I'm not sure how old you are or your daily activities but perhaps you should begin to alter your day-to-day lifestyle if you feel you'd like to become more open.

Some people are just more introverted than others, and honestly if this isn't affecting your happiness then I don't see what the big deal is. If you're simply confused as to why you feel this way... then all we can do is guess. But if you're posting on the forum to try and change your outlook on life because you feel you're heading down a negative path, then I'd say do the following:

 

Do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. Go to a concert, or live music show... go to a house party, or dinner/drinks with friends. Actively try to seem interested in others by asking questions and you may find by the end of the night you have sparked a slight interest in conversing that previously wasn't there.

 

Personally, I really enjoy meeting new people as long as I feel they have something to offer in terms of good stories, or good conversational skills. For me, it's part of being human.. I want to see what other humans are like and how they interpret the world that I'm so opinionated about. If you don't have these same urges then perhaps you're simply content with the knowledge (or lack-thereof) that you currently possess. Like I said, if this isn't affecting your happiness then I don't think it's a major issue.. ONLY if you have a deeper urge/curiosity to break free of this silent lifestyle do I think actively trying to get out more and asking questions about others will help you.

 

I used to be a full blown extrovert but over the years, there has been a gradual shift that led to extreme introversion. I have tried rekindling old friendships and haven given an honest attempt at being more open but it quite simply doesn't work out for me no matter how hard I try. I say I am content being alone, but am I really? Or is it that I am a knee deep in denial, I really don't know any more. I do however like the company of other people like I said before and that of which makes me doubt my introversion and my state of happiness, I guess I'm just confused at the moment.

 

I'm 20 years old, I'm unemployed and I no longer have any ambition and I completely lack the drive to do something with my life. I can't help but feel that no matter what I do, I will continue to remain unsatisfied so the only logical thing to do would be to not do anything at all. On a social level, I will continue to be ostracized due to my social skills which are basically obsolete. I mean who enjoys the company of one who doesn't talk? How dose one who doesn't talk even hold down a job or even remotely function in a world of life surrounded by people who do talk? I feel like a mutilated piece of a puzzle that'll never quite fit in no matter how I try to apply myself.

[cognitions]

It sounds like your get up and go-- got up and went & in more areas than social interaction......have you had a psysical exam lately? I'd suggest scheduling an appt and explaining your lack of motivation to your Dr. & have some tests done--thyroid & sugar levels are the first thing to come to mind--I have no med. trainging, but am sure there could be many medical explanations for someone feeling like you are....I hope this helps?

[halfie]

It sounds like your get up and go-- got up and went & in more areas than social interaction......have you had a psysical exam lately? I'd suggest scheduling an appt and explaining your lack of motivation to your Dr. & have some tests done--thyroid & sugar levels are the first thing to come to mind--I have no med. trainging, but am sure there could be many medical explanations for someone feeling like you are....I hope this helps?

 

I'm SilentFish btw. Just found my old account and password.

 

Any reply to my thread will help my friend ^__^. I had recently had some neuropsychological testing done which basically came up negative for ADHD or any cognitive disabilities. I might re-visit my psychiatrist and talk with him some more however, I doubt he'll find anything wrong with me as I have seen several and they've all said they simply don't know what's going on.. It's strange.

[cognitions]

I'm not a licensed counselor (yet) but I do have ADHD & IMO that's not surprising to me--ADHD is like your brain always being on multi-task mode--hard to focus, thoughts racing & easily distracted...and with the hyperactive type this transfers to activity after activity as well--always on the go! From what you described your energy is way down and this comment--gives the appearance that your thoughts have also cleared/slowed down??? Is that right?

I'm beggining to think less, a lot less. My mind feels like it is clearing and I'm not sure if this blankness is eroding my sanity

just another ramdom thought...you mention being more outgoing and active when you were younger...another possiblility is you could have had AHDH then??? You are at the age whe, or so I was told in regards to my son who also has it) that symptoms can fade....whether they truly do or people just get a better handle on their impulsivity at that stage IDK? but I've heard this many times....just thought I'd through that out there...

 

Keep persuing the answer as you have been & don't give up until you have one! here are many possibilities that could cause what you're going though--IMO mental/chemical is one & so is physical/medical (again like thyroid) psycholocical and physical changes usually go hand-in-hand....mind reacting to body & visa versa....so look at both for an explanation....

 

 

It's good that you have done neuropsych testing & ruled that out--any "No" answers you get will allow you to cross one more possibility off the list and more you closer to finding your answer--keep at it! & keep going to your psychologist/psychiatrist--this is a difficult time for you & they are there to support you

 

Good luck!

[Juliette ne pas]

"I'm 20 years old, I'm unemployed" Honestly, my son is like that he is quiet, a man of few words, he is content to be with people but he doesn't socialize much (talk), I asked him why and he says he doesn't have much to say, he isn't interested or know about the topics of conversation, or sometimes he dosen't agree with the statements and chooses to stay silent. He just finished fire fighter training and has to do so medical training which he is not dong well with before he can even try to work in that field.

 

Maybe you like my son, are frustrated by the lack of a job and feel that it is due to poor social skills, nobody I know is very socially acceptible, believe me I KNOW! In my short life I've worked in correctional facilities, for Harte Hank News Service, Law enforcement, and in the military. I am a linguist (and a terrible speller in all 4 lanuages), an Intel analyst, I still have trouble communicating.

 

"I mean who enjoys the company of one who doesn't talk?" I do! My son is a good listener, he is an encourager (not by words but with actions), his smile and laugh are infectious, his eyes speak novels. Remember speaking is only ONE form of communication. You write with great skill, you seem very intelligent. What are you hobbies, skills, likes , build yourself up in these areas.

 

"I feel like a mutilated piece of a puzzle that'll never quite fit in no matter how I try to apply myself." You are not alone, but you do fit somewhere, you are unique, one of a kind, but there is a nietch for you, you must find out what your strengths are.

 

I can tell you, my social skills are lacking too. I live in America, but was raised in Europe according to old world standards (my grandparents who helped to raise me, were born in 1885),so therefore I speak differently, and view things very differently. This has effected the way I socialize, because often what I say and mean is misconstrued, so I tend to be quiet, my son is the same. Yet my strength is my ability with lanuages and my ability to interpret information, my son's is his desire to save people. You have strengths too, they are their, find them. Don't sell yourself short, you are here and now for a reason, there is a purpose and a plan for your life, Don't believe or let anyone tell you otherwise. V/R a friend, a mother, a soldier, a survivor

[human 19]

Im usually the quiet one when out with friends but, like you , am happy just to be in the company. Luckily we are all more or less into music or cimema and a couple of other things so I can converse with them on a 1-to -1 about these things. In the pub, when the banter is going , I am content to sit back and throw in the odd quip whenever I get a space. I suppose thats because I gave up worrying about the fact that I have no small talk and became content with who I am. They dont expect me to be the life and soul either which helps.

[halfie]

The answer to your first question is yes, my thought processes have definitely slowed down a lot in comparison to when I was younger. I most certainly would have had ADHD when I was younger, I won't go into detail but let's just say that I wrought havoc upon nearly all aspects of my life due to impulsive and somewhat uncontrollable behaviour. Yes, I've also herd that as you age and mature, the symptoms of hyperactive and ADHD-like behaviour will start to fade, however for some, the learning impairments can still remain. Have you experience these things yourself?

 

This itself is what worries me, you see as I type on my keyboard I am able to process my thoughts much quicker, in real life if you talked to me, you would think that I had the intelligence of a fingernail and the cognitive abilities of that of a pigeon due to how slow and unconstructive I speak when I attempt to. I've just come to realize that maybe I am socially withdrawn due to the fact that I'm never able to say what I truly feel or think but that draws me back to square one where it's been proven that I do not have any cognitive disabilities and nor do I have ADHD. This confuses the hell out of me.

 

Your post has definitely opened up a fresh new perspective on things for me and I'd like to thank you for that.

[halfie]

I feel already that I could really relate to your son, it's comforting to know that there are people still out there to similar to myself and I sincerely hope that you son can pull through with his medical training ^__^. I also really admire what you've done with your short life knowing that you have difficulties communicating socially.

 

''His eyes speak novels'', a beautiful analogy, I'd like think that I'm a good listener like your son but I'm really not and it's rare for me to do so as I'm usually completely withdrawn in my own inner little world I don't ave many hobbies, in fact I probably only have one and that is Graphic Design, however, I am usually unable to concentrate enough to really exercise and exert my talent which defeats the purpose of trying to create something worthwhile and/or to even try to land a job in the industry. I will keep trying and building myself up in these areas like you've said whilst trying to discover what my strengths are.

 

Thank you for your supportive post.

[mya]

I am a lot like you in that i am very quiet. Maybe you are just an introverted person. However, some of the other info you provided (lack of ambition etc.) makes me wonder if you are depressed or have anxiety issues.

[cognitions]

I have not felt that my thoughts have slowed as you're describing. But, the way that you have described yours doing so sounds similar to how my son explains the "calming", "slowing" and "quieting" he experiences after he takes his medication (metadate)...I myself have tried medication & unfortunately it had no effect--which happens in a high % of adults with ADHD. Instead I've tried to be very self-observant & curb habits that would be noticeable or distracting to others (finger/foot tapping, doodling, looking around the room, fiddling).

 

In reading your thread and especially what you wrote here--it's quite obvious that you do not have a cognitive disability--not as far as development is concerned (paigets stages)....I'm curious about what thoughts come to mind just before you have to talk in public? Can you pick a recent situation that this happened--one where you felt your words did not meet your own expectations & describe the thought you had as you were anticipating talking? And by thought I don't mean feeling--like: scared, anxious, nervous....but the thought that precipitated the feeling....ex: I hear a dog bark & my thought is "barking dogs bite" & then the feeling is fear......what are your thoughts before you speak to someone?

[Juliette ne pas]

Hey my young Aussie friend, I just want to say hi and wish you a good day

 

P.S. Since I'm a 46 yr old mother of 4, I believe I'm over qualified to call you young without it being an insult Rosel

[halfie]

Hello, sorry about the late reply! I complete forgot about my thread which is typical of me I just recently received a full report from my neuropsychological assessment which reminded me of this thread. It stated that everything from memory to attention speed and information processing were in the below average range It also said that my history is consistent with the diagnosis of ADHD and that medication is recommended along with a full 10 week cognitive remediation program. I am deciding to try medication as there is still a two months before the program begins. I am also going to take your advice in regards to becoming more self observant in attempts to curb noticeable habits.

 

Basically, when I talk in public, no real thoughts come to mind, I just go blank. I'll be talking to someone then I'll just sort of stop thinking and loose complete interest in the conversation. After I become aware of the fact that I've kind of stopped thinking and usually during the conversation itself, I'll start having abstract thoughts like ''Why are we talking? What is the point of it all? Dose what we say really even matter? Where are we going with our lives?''. There are other times when I don't go black but my attention sort of shifts to anything but the conversation, I'll start noticing all the things around me, the way the wind pushes the leaves stuck to the branches of the tree beside me, which company manufactured the table I am currently resting my arm on and why did they choose this design, you know things of that manner. As a result, I usually just nod, say yes directed at the person talking to me while no longer knowing what he/she is saying. My thoughts usually wander, it's really hard to concentrate and focus on what is being said to me.

 

 

 

Why hello there! I wish you have a good today as well! And haha, no offence taken ^__^.