My boyfriend says im a very jelaous and insecure person

[LILI]

Well, in going right to the point here. My boyfriend says im a very jelaous and insecure person. Im also obssesive, and possesive. The following facts are very important:

 

1-i broke up with him because he watched "too much" porn when i saw it on his computer last christmas.

2-i cheated on him, i kissed another guy.

3-i took 3 of his heidi klum's posters.

4-everytime a naked girl comes out on the movies i try to cover his eyes.

5-everytime he looks at a girl i get angry.

6-i am terribly jelaous of his friend mike. The reason is, he would rather spend the rest of his life with him than me...mind you, they live together.

 

It's a long long story, as long as a year an a half of relationships, and i do not with to ruin your day, but im gonna go with his conclusion and accept that this relationship is ending because of me and my jelaousy. So i love him very much and i need some advice in how to not be jelaous, or not careif he looks at women...or desires them...or looks at porn...or is always talking about his best friend...or says that we are expending too much time together. HOW DO YOU SIMPLY STOP CARING?!?!?!?

I need the strongest advice possible, and at the same time ANYTHING would help, i just give up, on love, on relationships..on hope, what do you expect...why is it so hard to frecking love somebody, u always have to get hurt....

[behind_these_eyes]

Ok well I'm not a genius and this advice could be crap, but I thought I'd take a stab at it. That said, I find that people who are jealous are often paranoid that their "significant other" (for lack of a better word) is exhibiting the same behaviors as them. You said you cheated on him, so you probably worry that he's cheated on you. You look at other guys, so you notice it when he looks at other girls. You're feeling insecure trusting him because at times you can't really trust yourself. We're all like this at times.

 

My advice is to work on showing him how much you care about him so you know that he feels secure. Then you'll start to feel more secure. However, I don't know you and that could be completely off- you could already shower him with affection. That's my two cents, good luck!

[justtwicethen]

lol,

 

you cheated on him...and let me get this straight, you don't allow him to watch porn?

[ruth1978]

i agree with behind_these_eyes, when someone is jealous and paranoid about their partner looking at other people, it's usually because they do it themselves, they think their partner's going to do it too.

so i don't think you've anything to worry about where he's concerned, it's you who needs to think about what you want, because after all you are the one who cheated, he's done nothing wrong, maybe it's you who doesn't want to be with him anymore and not the other way round.

as for talking about his house mate, men always talk about things more than something else, whether it be work or football, it always seems it's more important than us women but it isn't. he obviously values his friendship with his friend and friends should always come first i believe because partners do come and go, but friends are there for life usually.

i've said this before in a post "an evil sayer is an evil doer" meaning when you accuse your partner of looking at other women, he maybe isn't its you looking at other men.

and then again if he does look at other women, theres no harm in that, he will find other women attractive but it's whether he does anything about it that would cross the line and by the sound of it he wouldn't.

remember also watching porn or women on tv isn't real, they are all made up to look good, but they are just like you and i in real life and there's nothing more special about them than there is us. we are all the same.

but because you cheated on him, maybe you aren't happy being with him otherwise you wouldn't have done it. you need to sit and think whether he's the one you want, forget whether you're the one he wants because he's with you isn't he and i'm sure if he wanted someone else he would be with someone else.