My girlfriend 'just lies there'

[Davey99]

Hi

 

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 7 months now and there is a problem with our sex lives I'd like advice on if possible..

 

Basically her idea of sex is to just 'lie there'... That's pretty much all she does... With a little encouragement she'll get on top and move a bit but she loses interest VERY fast....

 

She has never let me go down on her and refuses to give me a blow job...She has tried on two occasions but after a few seconds she stops and makes a 'yuky' face. I am a clean person in general and always make sure it's clean down there when sex is on the table.

 

The weird thing I find is that she says she likes sex and never turns it down (only when it's that time of the month) But when we start it seems like it's over already...

 

I TRY with the foreplay, I am very affectionate and kiss her etc...BUT she just lies there and expects me to get on top straight away. She says why am I not hard yet and it's like, 'Well, you have to get it going hun, it doesn't just pop up straight away ya know'.... I have tried to explain this on many occasion but it just doesn't sink in.

 

We've been going out for 7 months and I have cum about 3 times (all from masturbating) .. 2 orgasms were very hard to reach because of her body language... But the second I had was very easy...She was laid in next to me kissing my neck and with her hand on my balls... It was very nice because she was realaxed and I came within a minute or two (basically as fast as possible before her 'mood' changed). All the other times the experience has been too tense for me to cum.... I try to just pleasure her, by kissing her body, fingering her etc....But she just seems to want it 'over and done with'.

 

She wants to be with me as much as possible and says she loves me etc but when we get down to sex it's a very stressful experience with her.

 

I have tried to have talks about it with her and she seems to understand and says it will be better next time - But when next time comes, it's the same experience...

 

I'm not sex mad, I don't ask for it much - She actually suggests it more than me... I don't intend to cheat on her BUT how strong I'll be if sex with someone else is on the cards, I do not know... I feel that I'd be strong and say no..But I'm getting very frustrated...I masturbate on my own every other day to take the edge off but I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND and I've only cum 3 times with her ... How sad is that... Please don't answer that last bit.

 

The conclusion I've come to is that even though she's 21 and has had sex before...She just hasn't learnt much from it and is not interested in wanting to pleasure me..Or BE pleasured.

 

I'm just looking for anyone with similar experiences that have overcome this, or indeed anyone that can offer help/advice, I'd really appreciate it.

 

Thanks

Dave

[ayekasong]

Is anything going on in her life right now outside of your relationship? I know I've had periods of time where sex was something I just wanted to get "over and done with" because I had too many other things on my mind, or I wanted to go do something else.

 

Is she insecure about her body at all? I know I have tried many times to do the woman on top position but most of the time we end up switching positions because I don't like being exposed to my boyfriend like that. I have issues with my body image, and I know many other girls are the same. This may also be why she won't let you go down on her - perhaps she is afraid you will think she smells, is too hairy, or one of a thousand more reasons a girl would be insecure. She may be hot and perfect, but she could still be insecure about herself.

 

As for the blow job, did she give one to anyone previously? If not, maybe she is still getting used to the sensation. I was afraid I'd gag the first few times I tried it. If she did give one to someone before, maybe she had a horrible experience and trying it on you brings back her old memories. Another thing, some women just don't like giving head. Not too much you can do if this is the case, except encourage her to try it when she is feeling really brave.

 

Sit her down and talk to her about this when you are not having sex or about to have sex. Make sure not to attack her, just inform her that you are concerned. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her feel better in bed. If she's feeling good, you will naturally feel good as well. Good luck.

[goddess23]

wow...i may not have much experience here...but i can try to offer my 2 cents. honestly, if she has a problem with giving a blowjob (which some girls do) then thats something you seem to be the kind of guy to understand. again ofcourse that comes with communication, has she done it before. i think if her body language is like this, it definitely means shes not attracted to you sexually. now...dont jump to conclusions or anything, you know your relationship better then anyone else, but ive seen some of my friends, and its like they like having a bf, and the gifts and such but truly are not reallly attracted to the guy. i mean i know that with someone i REALLLLLLY like, i find giving a guy pleasure pleasurable, but if im not attracted to someone i cannot even think of kissing them much less getting veryy intimate with them. its not even about hygene, its just i couldnt. so if her body language is like this then you need to investigate other areas of the relationship and general behavior or manurisms. as aye mentioned, about going down on her she probably is insecure...as a young girl myself i am conscious about my body but honestly if i was ready and again really attracted to the guy i would let go of those insecurities for awhile. honestly if you know about her past experiences that will definitely give you a clue to what she is or isnt comfortable with, and ofcourse communication. although it seems like you have had numerous conversations on the issue, just try to let her know it makes you feel as if shes not attracted to you which makes sex difficult for you to fully enjoy.

[Finch]

My ex-girlfriend was very similar. She wanted sex all the time, didn't want to give me a blow job, didn't want me going down on her, and just kind of lies there when you are having sex.

 

It was pretty obvious to me that my ex-girlfriend was uncomfortable with herself during sex. Even though she wants it all the time doesn't mean that she's comfortable during the process. The same situation might be for your girlfriend.

 

My ex didn't want to give me head because she thought that other girls had done it a lot better and I wouldn't like it. It was entirely a confidence issue. She just won't do it.

 

Sex isn't that great either. She just kind of sits there and lets me pound it in without little movement from her. I don't let it bother me that much though since I have just accepted that she isn't going to be a freak in the sheets compared to other women. She's just doing what she's comfortable with. When I tried to get her to get more into it she became uneasy and unsure of herself. I don't think she'll ever get passed that point until she experiences sex with more men.

 

It took a lot of encouragement to get her to go on top and that wasn't really worth it since I end up having to thrust from the bottom and finish us off.

 

My suggestion to you would be to make your girlfriend more comfortable with herself and with sex in general. Language can be very comforting when your body language is on the same level. For example: I don't think she's going to get very turned on and relaxed when you joke with her about how it just doesn't get up on your own. Don't feel bad, I did that too, but the fact of the matter is that it is just making her more uncomfortable.

 

Try having sex with her in comfortable surroundings, get a little music going, add a little romance of some flower peddles or something, and get some candles.

 

I'm sure she'll loosen up soon. If she doesn't then it would be time to have a serious conversation with her to find out what's up.

[Meow18]

I think its a confidence issue too. It seems like she must want it, otherwise she wouldn't actually have sex, unless of course she has a problem saying no.

 

How does she act with you in other situations? Does she seem to enjoy kissing you?

 

I really think that she's just not confident with herself when it comes to sex & doing sexual things. Help try to give her some confidence. Tell her how beautiful you think she is next time you both are having sex. Tell her how much you want her.

 

I think she will start to show a little more enjoyment once she starts feeling more confident in herself. The more you both have sex, the more she will get comfortable with it.

[Davey99]

Hi

 

Thanks very much for your replies, you've given me some things to think about. The most disturbing thing though, is...Yes I have noticed a change in the way she kisses me... Lately it's just been 'quick' kisses, rather than propper 'making out'.. When we do make out, it's always on her terms..If I try to initiate a long kiss, she makes it into a shorter one by pulling away. Oh and she doesn't give tongue... She has done in the past but makes it clear she doesn't like it.

 

Can you tell me this is a confidence issue? I think she does lack confidence in general (even though she is drop dead gorgeous) BUT it wouldn't explain why she used to do things all the time and now rarely does..

 

I don't know (and that's the trouble) It's something that deffinitely needs to be sorted out... I'm going to talk to her about all this...There's no use pretending nothing is wrong..Nothing good will come of it.. Neither of us are happy, but for different reasons I think.

 

Thanks again for all the advice

 

Dave

[mahlina]

There could be a number of things happening here:

 

First of all, perhaps your sex life needs a bit more excitement. Add a bit more spice to it. Change the pace a little. Go out somewhere. Maybe she needs a little bit of romancing. Kiss each other in public. Corner her somewhere, where no one's watching, then kiss her. It's the feeling of getting 'caught' that sends a tingling rush throughout the body. thereforeeee, adds excitement and flavor.

 

Second, I'm not sure of it's a confidence thing, but perhaps more of 'Communication'? Some women try not to talk about problems in relationships too much. They try to avoid confrontations, assuming that their man will automatically "read their mind" and 'sense' that something's not right. They think that by keeping things to themselves their man will eventually open up and say, "Honey. What's going on? Let's talk about it." So they resort to hiding their feelings by pulling away. They unknowingly build tension.

 

I think that a lot of it has to do with routineness. Perhaps she feels as though the communication in the relationship's lacking. A woman loves a man who she feels that she can confide in. When she's not getting pleasure from him emotionally, then it will effect her ability to enjoy physical pleasure with him as well. This also includes kissing. So my best advice:

1. Communicate with her. Be her bestfriend.

2. Woo her again. Take her out on dates. This is enough to add more 'spice' to the romance.

3. Candlelights help as well. Set up the mood. Keep it warm and cozy.

 

Also, some women are very sensitive to room temperature. The atmosphere is what sets the mood. For me, my body gets cold real easily. Whenever my ex would try to kiss me when the environment was cold, I just wouldn't do it. The coldness in the air prevented me from enjoying what I usually loved: warm gentle kisses. I didn't want do anything halfassed. That's why I wasn't in the mood. Maybe you can buy a portable heater. That's what he did. Good luck to you!

[CityHunter]

Ask yourself what would you do if the sex life never improves? Will you be satisified with a sexless life? Will you be ok with masturbation for the rest of your life with this girl?

 

If you're ok with it, you have nothing to worry about.

If not, unless you can change her / her attitude, you might as well cut your losses now.....and let some other guy to educate her, or maybe you leaving her would snap her out of it.