mother of all RUTS

[CLIMBK]

I am stuck, and its my own doing. I am stuck because i am in love, with a memory, in love with what it was and what it could have been.

and it hurts because i know she is with someone else, who is probably a lot more suited to her. I am never going to be with her ever again. when all i need is that. I cannot express in words the gut wrenching feeling i have every morning i wake up.

I want to tell her, but of course its not right. I want to show her how things will be different, i want her to give us a second chance.

ahh i want this all to stop. i know its only time. in time i will be ok. but having been through heartbreak before, i know this times its different. its been so long since we were "together". months infact, and yet everyday she is in my thoughts. no matter what i do.

i want it to stop. i really do.

she is the perfect match, she is the one. and i truly believe it. i have had enough of this, i cannot remember how many times i have wished for the 'easy way out' just praying for it to end. its horrible i have never been this way ever, and it wont stop.

the highs and lows are dissapearing, its just one constant dull. at the gym, at gigs, with friends at work, when i cook. just a dull ache. time is making it harder, i feel her slipping further and further every passing minute and i can do nothing.

i am losing grip in a bad bad way. i cannot believe for all the things i should be thankful for, i wish to disappear everyday.

the last time i shed a tear was 15 years ago when my grandad passed away on the morning of my 14th birthday. and all i do now is hide away so i can stop the tears and compose myself. its not right. its just not right.

anyone else feel this way, that when you look back after years have passed, and think she was the one that got away. the one where you always wondered what could have been?

[sonicfan287]

Hi,

 

Im so sorry to hear that you are hurting, but you are definitely not alone. I met my ex (I still have problems calling her that) back in 2009 and everything was perfect. I don't know if she's the one because I've only had a few relationships in my life but I felt so strongly for her and the energy she brought to each and every date and her personality were just so attractive to me. Nnow Im in love with that memory, because she grew bored with "us". We've broken up 3 times, this is the third breakup and I'm no better now than I was the first time we broke up. That dragged on for months... I'd spend days just sitting and staring at the walls, unable to move or do anything. I'd go out, thinking that would help but it wouldn't.

 

I'm not AS bad now but I'm still in rough shape, but I hide it with all my strength because I know my friends and family don't want to hear this, and in fact, they'd just say "I told you so" if I ever mention the hurt she's putting me through... again. Every day is the same, I wake up feeling emotionally weak and incapable of anything... then as the day drags on, I slowly pick up strength, only to go to sleep and go through the same process again the next day... it's like I never learn.

 

She's with someone else now and from what I can tell, theyre madly in love which hurts me even more because thats the same kind of energy she used to show me... she claimed she had changed and wasn't as into that "sappy romantic" stuff as she was when she was younger but she sure seems into it now... I feel like I got lied to... maybe she was never interested in me as much as she acted, but then why did she get back together with me twice claiming she made a huge mistake and she missed me so much?

 

Anyway, I can relate... I know I'll meet new people in time and maybe theyll be really great but for now, she's all I think about, I think about the mistakes I made, the things I should've said, couldve said but for whatever reason didn't, until it was too late. I know how hard this can be for you... Ii dont know your ex, just like you dont know mine, but there are more stories about this happening than you think... it's not as easy as its made out to be, to just get over someone. Especially someone who meant so much to you.

[MW754]

I felt this way years ago after my first love and I broke up. I was so enmeshed with him in the relationship, I was inconsolable for a year after the break up, and it still haunted me for years after I'd moved on. I didn't have access to therapy or anything of the sort, but I think it would have helped if I had somebody to help me rebuild my psyche through the break up. I threw myself into a tragic rebound relationship, got an amazing new job that challenged me and rebuilt my confidence, started working out, etc. Over time changing some things in my life made me feel better.

 

Now that I look back on it, I think what really got me over the breakup was inserting the things in my life that were missing while I was in my relationship with this ex. When we broke up I romanticized him until the relationship was unrecognizable. He had been cheating on me towards the end of the relationship and got engaged about a month after we broke up. He was much older than me and we had been dating since I was a kid. I felt rejected and replaced and that's why I decided he was the one. I forgot how the relationship paralyzed me, controlled me and kept me from living my dreams or any semblance of a normal age-appropriate life. It took me a few years to stop trying to replicate that lifestyle, but once I started to focus on what I truly wanted out of life I was able to let go of this person I erroneously believed was "the-one" completely. I made new friends and met new people, moved to a new city and gained independence, eventually I met a guy who wanted me in his life and treated me like a princess. Maybe you should start thinking about what you were missing out on in your relationship, or if you feel like you weren't missing anything just whatever you want out of life, and slowly start trying to take your energy from your ex and put it into yourself.

 

How long have you actually been apart? How long have you been out of contact with her? Do you have a lot of free time in your day? If you want a quick fix I've always found reading helps. I like to read those big fantasy novel series. It's good to avoid current stuff so you can avoid things that might remind you of your relationship. It's a trick, but it kind of works. Stimulating your imagination might help you control your dreams as well!