Feel like my hope to find someone is grim - am I thinking too pessimisticly?

[radiohead20]

I feel like my hope of finding a life partner and life love is relatively grim, and I have a hard time facing that fact. I feel like I have reasons why as to why it is going to be like this.

 

I am relatively young (26) and have been in three long term relationships and dated a lot of people in between. like most people, I dated people that I just didn't feel "right" about, and even dated people that I probably could have married because we got along, but there was that extra "something" that was missing.

 

for awhile I thought maybe that "something" was just infatuation and limerance, and that I would always find something "missing" with anyone I dated. I was wrong - I met someone that completely blew me away and made me realize that THAT something that was "missing" was finally there. Most everything about her was a "cut above" the rest of the people I dated. There was great communication, we could do ANYTHING together and be happy, she complemented my personality perfectly, and on top of that she was sexually adventurous and my perfect physical type. She was "perfect" for me in a sense. We dated for 8 months and the more I dated her the more comfortable I became with the thought of being with her forever and she felt the same.

 

However, due to circumstances beyond our control, things ended. Now I have a child from my previous ex (not the girl I thought I could be with forever) and I feel as if my chances of finding a partner like the "one that got way" are going to be pretty much nil. For one, I have a child from a previous relationship that is going to consume a lot of time and energy away from dating. Also, women are going to put off by the fact that I have a child from a previous relationships too. Don't get me wrong - I am excited to have a son and am going to be involved in every possible but it still hurts me at the future I might have without a lifelong partner. I guess I have been mentally preparing myself to not settle down for at least the next 10-15 years, or more accurately to not settle down with someone for the sake of being lonely.

 

am I being too pessimistic? am I being a realist?

[charity]

your being too pessimistic.... and that may lead you to make your pessimism come true. you are 26!!!so yeah to a certain degree some women will not want a guy who already has a child. but that only some. and even them, if they got to know you in everyday life would probably change their mind as they got to know and fancy you. you sound like you are ashamed of where you are in life rather then proud of it. try being optimistic. it really really helps if you see yourself and other in the best light.

i am a single mom to two kids. i am very happy where i'm at. i've met guys that have told me its a bonus that i have kids, and i've met guys that have said its a dealbreaker that i have kids. i bet i could change their minds if i even half wanted to. its not easy to find a great partner.my advice? be a great guy, the best you can be and you know what, lots of women will see that you will make a great partner and they will be happy to have you and your lovely son.

[Ms Darcy]

I hope continuing to make these threads helps you work through these feelings a little bit. Only you can truly reassure you on this one.

[radiohead20]

Charity, Ms Darcy...

 

Yes maybe I am thinking a bit too pessimistically. I guess this stems from the fact that I like to "prepare myself" for the worst and expect the best as sort of a defense mechanism - so if the worst does come true I am not caught of guard - I am mentally prepared. Like there are times when I think it is hopeless (like this thread), I also think that it won't be so bad and I'll find someone and be happily married 10 years from now thinking "I cant believe I was so negative about this".

[Raize]

She was "perfect" for me in a sense. We dated for 8 months and the more I dated her the more comfortable I became with the thought of being with her forever and she felt the same.

 

I am curious, if you don't mind me asking, what circumstances brought your relationship to an end if things were so good?

 

am I being too pessimistic? am I being a realist?

 

Yep. Besides, you might meet a lovely young single mother and together start your own Brady Bunch...

[radiohead20]

I am curious, if you don't mind me asking, what circumstances brought your relationship to an end if things were so good?

 

 

 

Well, I was seeing my ex at the same time as the new girl for a very short time during the very beginning of me dating the new girl. I fessed up to the new girl (this is when I barely knew her keep in mind - before I realized how good we were together) and she was very hurt, but respected my honesty and decided to continue the relationship based on the fact that were not exclusive at the time. This resulted in a pregnacny with my ex. my ex and this new girl do NOT get along and I felt as if it was too much for her for me to be around my ex helping raising the kid. Our demise was basically me and her realising that I did not want to be a deadbeat dad/me having to be around the girl she hated and uncertainty regarding our relationship. the new girl was almost willing to stick with me despite the pregnancy and what I did, but we realized it was too much. It was a tough decision at the time and looking back on it it is even tougher, because I didnt really realize how good we had it until now.

[YakasJourney]

I think you are falling into the trap of believing there is one single person who is "the one" and without her you'll never be happy. It's a common way of thinking but ultimately I don't think it's true. People will disagree on this point but in my experience, it's not the way things work. Your big mistake was having a child with someone before getting married. If I may ask, why aren't you still with the mother of your child?