I was ok before, then he promised me things would change, now im a mess again

[sydneygirl87]

My ex tried to get back with me promising things would change. I tried but nothing changed and i just told him to leave me alone. He said no at first then understood i was serious and said ok, and now im heartbroken again. Why isnt he trying? if he really wanted me then why is he letting me go? I was doing ok for a while when we broke up and now im a mess again, back to the beginning. Its my bday this weekend and i was so happy that we were going to be together for it. Please give me some encouraging words because im breaking down again and this is so fu*king hard

[playstheblues]

I don't know - changing is a really hard thing to do. It takes time and effort and some people, despite good intentions (like your ex) don't really know how to change. Once behaviors are habits, it takes conscious thought and effort- people don't realise how entrenched their behaviors are.

 

Can he get some professional help to change the negative patterns that have developed?

[DylanNotorious]

What's he supposed to be changing?

[sydneygirl87]

its all in my previous posts... unfortunetly i dont think he would get professional help.

[DylanNotorious]

I've read a few of your posts, but I don't understand why he needs professional help? Professional help for what?

[sydneygirl87]

he dosent. Anyways regardless of that i am just hurting. I got my hopes up again, and now im feeling really dissapointed and upset.

[RitaTrue]

My ex tried to get back with me promising things would change. I tried but nothing changed and i just told him to leave me alone. He said no at first then understood i was serious and said ok, and now im heartbroken again. Why isnt he trying? if he really wanted me then why is he letting me go? I was doing ok for a while when we broke up and now im a mess again, back to the beginning. Its my bday this weekend and i was so happy that we were going to be together for it. Please give me some encouraging words because im breaking down again and this is so fu*king hard

 

Is this really a matter of him not trying AT ALL,...or is it that he IS trying, but he hasnt made the progress that makes you feel comfortable at this stage in the relationship?

[TheLoneliest]

I'm not trying to scold you sydneygirl87, but what it sounds like so far, is that he was bad news for you before, still bad news, and you can't let him go completely. I know lots of Australian men don't know how to treat their women and I know a bit of the Australian culture. So if you already know he's not going to change and already proved to you he won't change, you must let him go and tell him it's completely over. NOT EVEN being friends. Your emotions will just get shattered each time. Find yourself another man that won't destroy your mood. I wish you best of luck, and happy Birthday even though this is a rough period for you.

[jimbojTX91]

My ex tried to get back with me promising things would change. I tried but nothing changed and i just told him to leave me alone. He said no at first then understood i was serious and said ok, and now im heartbroken again. Why isnt he trying? if he really wanted me then why is he letting me go? I was doing ok for a while when we broke up and now im a mess again, back to the beginning. Its my bday this weekend and i was so happy that we were going to be together for it. Please give me some encouraging words because im breaking down again and this is so fu*king hard

 

I was hoping that not seeing anymore posts from you meant you were moving on, sorry to hear you hit a snag in your progress.

 

I asked the same question of my ex too, I felt like she didn't try.. and then when I'd question her about it, it was all "too much", or somehow it was my fault for expecting things of her, basic effort..

People have different ideas of what effort is and how to apply it to satisfy another person..

 

I don't think even you know what's going on in his head right now, all you can be sure of is that he's hurting you and not allowing you space to heal..

Does it matter what his motives are or why he does what he does? NO... WAY MAAAAAN!

 

It can't matter, because going down that road of thinking is going to drive you mad,

There are no answers, just a broken record,

And it does f**king hurt..

You're still coming to terms with the shock that the abstract concept that was "you and him" is now just "you.... without him".

 

I know this is going to sound crazy.. but the place you're in right now is beautiful.

It's the building that's been torn down before being re-built, bigger, brighter and more beautiful than ever.

It's falling down after running your lungs out, feeling like your body could break, but after resting realising you've got another 5miles in you.

It's feeling desperation and desoliation... but then cracking a cheeky smile, because YOU KNOW, that all this shall pass too.. find the beauty in the pain,

Just laugh!!!!!!!!!!

I mean....... my god, this is it! This is life..

One day you'll probably be consoling your child after it gets it's heart broken, and feel that mixture of pain and potential.. knowing that there is always opportunity to re-invent yourself, there's always more..

But the key is in the moment,

Because this moment is your life, and if this was all there was left would you want to feel sad about what you had, or feel glad to have lived, and excited that the future has ENDLESS possibilities for you..

There's is ALWAYS the opportunity for happiness,

And none of that airy fairy "think positive" stuff,

Just live it, live the rollercoaster and know that you're going to come down sometimes, and crack that cheeky smile when you do, because you know there is always the opportunity to be something else than what you're currently experiencing..

So what if you make some more mistakes?

You're the one with the power to choose, nobody else can define you,

There's freedom in that power, so choose what you accept in your life and what kind of treatment you desire.

 

Spend your birthday with those who love you and will take care of you, and try to keep an open mind about what this actually represents ..

You're alive, you've got opportunities to create many more happy wonderful memories, so live it now as a celebration for YOUR life, and not as a reminder of what WAS your life..

And only one dimension of your life at that too,

We are all so much more than our relationships and should never let them define us completely.

 

Wishing you a very happy birthday, party hard and enjoy,

And if you get those pangs, just crack a smile and stop for a moment..

 

Breathe.. this is life