She leaves me cause she has feelings for her ex

[ice7990]

there is alot of great advice here, so im hoping someone can help me.

 

ok, so no contact and do everything that you have told us. now how about when your ex decides that she has feelings for her old ex of 7 years ago who she spent 5 years with. what do you do then, cause she did love him back then but now she has feelings for him again. how can the guidelines that are listed help out in a situation like that. i am 30 and she is 35 and has said to me that she is too old to make another mistake in life. i am miserable now cause today she just returned all my stuff to me. we broke up 2 months ago and on our 1 year anniversary, she told me that she wont take me back cause she has feelings resurfacing again for her ex. she broke up with me 1.5 months ago and i have tried to get her back but i have done the NC unless she started contacting me. she did say that it was only a one way feeling cause she doesnt know how he feels or if he is available. i was good with the NC for awhile but when i got my stuff back, i broke down and now more miserable than ever. i mean, he cheated on her, and now she has feelings for him again after she broke up with me. i dont know wat to do anymore cause i love her so much and i want her back so badly. and now, i know she is blocking me from her msn even tho she said we can be friends. i dont know if i can go thru this, but i know she is my soulmate and i love her and her son so much. i dont know wat to do anymore. i mean, she flat out and said that she didnt have any feelings for me anymore cause she has feelings for her ex again and she couldnt even look at me the whole time we were together talking. the only thing i do know is that he cheated on her, that he lives in another city, that he might not even be available or not interested, that he is japanese with a japanese mentality, that he once said that her son doesnt even look like him and what would ppl think and that her parents dont like him cause of how he hurt their daughter and that she wants to leave japan but with him, she will be stuck here. other than that, i know nothing else. and she knows how much i love her and her son unconditionally and that i want her back. she knows how i feel, how i have treated her son as my own and that we have even asked her father for his blessing and that we were going to get married. i know in the past i have done some little stupid mistakes, have been alittle heavy on her and she felt the pressure sometimes with marriage but i have told her that i know i made mistakes, and that we didnt have the communication that we should have and that i want to start again and i have learned from my mistakes. and now she leaves me cause she says that she cant have feelings for me cause she has them for her ex. HELP!

[sonjam]

hallo

I just read your post, and it is such a lot of heartfelt information and desperation, that I have to think on it for a bit, to give you a honest answer, but what I want to tell you in the mean time, is I'm so sorry for your hurt, that I feel you pain and desperation, because one of the worst things in life is the fact that we can not make someone love us. Even if we see their mistakes, and know they are better off with us in their lives, we can never make them love us, or need us. It is everyone's own choice who they love, and what they do.

 

This is very difficult, I know, sometimes you want to take the person by the shoulders and shake them in frustration (in a nice way) and tell them, please open your eyes and see what Im trying to tell you!

 

Phew! Hang in there!, maybe she will see the error of her ways, but stop the pleading and begging, keep up with the NC. While doing that, work on your own life, and dont hang around waiting for her like a shadow! I will keep watching your post, and help when I have thought about this for awhile!

 

Good luck

[ayekasong]

I think it was really harsh of her to say she doesn't want to make another mistake... she might be making the biggest one of her life by going back to her ex... I agree with sonjam though, keep up the NC, I think it is the best healthy way to get over a broken heart. I am so sorry for your pain, I know how difficult it is for you now. But stay strong, keep the NC, and post your frustrations here, not in an email.

 

We're all hoping the best for you here.

[ice7990]

i just dont understand it. she said that i treated her like a priness everyday and that i always treated her with love and made her feel special. i know i have been too heavy at time but i dont know wat it means not too be heavy cause i know i didnt pay too much attention to my last gf but i know i feel totally different with this one and would do anything for her. i treated her son like my own and i have told her that i want to be his father, watch him grow, learn and achieve everything he sets out to do.

 

i just dont know how she can have feelings for someone who left her for another woman while they were still going out and has lost all love for her. she told me how she felt at that time and wat she went thru and i am going thru exactly the same thing. for someone who said that her son doesnt even look like him and ppl might start thinking, how can she take her son away from me go have feelings for him, and go back to him if there is a chance. i just dont understand. what are the chances of her coming back, you think??

[ice7990]

well, the story so far... i just got back from a little vacation and i went to visit my ex's friends in guam. had a good time and relaxed alot. had a chat with them and asked them if they thought that we are good together and they both said yes. they saw a side of me that they didnt see the first time we met on holidays cause my ex had just broken up with me then. they saw me laugh, play and seeing almost the person that i am cause im still not 100% happy yet but they did notice it. they told me that my ex still has feelings for her past ex but hasnt done anything about it cause she isnt ready yet. my ex had told them that i blocked her on my msn but i had to tell them that it was her that blocked me first. i realized how immature that was and i unblocked her and when i got back, she unblocked me and IM me, saying i hope you had a good time. that she feels guilty that i didnt have a good time on our last vacation.

 

so yesterday, she IM me again saying how she is stressed out with this work that she is doing. i offer my help and helped her finish it which i hope made things easier for her. i told them that how can we be friends and get closer if she is blocking me. we will only drift apart and since her and her ex are still communicating, they will only get closer. i also told them that if she is stressed, that i can help like i always have, to relax her and help her in anyway, cause i care about her too much to see her like that. im sure her friends told her wat happened while i was away and how much i still love her and miss her and her son. they also told me that they have never seen anyone take care and love her son the way i do, esp since he isnt even mine and doesnt know how her ex will be compared to me but has told me that her son is the most important person to her and his happiness comes before all, and they know how much i love him.

 

im still not going to contact her but i can only hope that she thinking of me and what her friends had told her about wat i said and did. not sure if this will get her thinking again or not. all i got from her friends was that this is only a feeling that she has for her ex cause she loved him so much in the past and wanted to marry him. but he was the one who cheated on her and fell out of love with her, hurt her and that her father doesnt like him cause of what he did. i only hope that she thinks more about that now and realize that she has someone here who would never do that to her and would always love her and her son the way i always have.

[ice7990]

even just yesterday after i helped her, she emailed me to thank me for helping her with her work and asked me how my progress is going. i told her that my papers are at the immigration right now and that its up to them. she then replies, lets just hope for a good outcome. later that nite, i went to her place to drop off some stuff i bought for her family while i was away. i emailed her saying that i dropped off some stuff cause i know it wouldnt be a good idea to see her. when i got home, she emails me to say thankyou and that i should have told her that i was coming over so that she could greet me and then asked how my day was. i emailed back saying that i didnt want to bother her cause i know how much work she has and that i am very stressed out with work now and that i am looking forward to the holiday coming up.

 

i know this email and her unblocking me from her msn doesnt mean anything, just her thanking me for the gifts. i bought some chocolates for her son cause i know that here in japan, there is no halloween and that i wanted him to enjoy halloween and i told her that too. she told me that i brought the chocolate at the right time cause she was having cravings for sweets. and i bought some stuff for her mom cause i remembered that her mom mentioned about this long time ago. even last month, i knew that she was having this concert to sing at and i sent her flowers for goodluck. she emails me to thank me and says that they really helped cause she was feeling really nervous and getting the flowers really made her feel better. i told her that goodluck and that i still care and i would support her in anything that she does. im not trying to manipulate her in anyway, but i still care about her and her family. i just hope that i didnt come off wrong and that she really did see the sincerity in my gifts and from wat she heard happened on my vacations from her friends. holding on to hope that she can see the things and actions that i have done and am still doing now cause of how much i love her and still want to make her feel special and like a princess, the way i have always treated her. i know i may not change the way she feels for her ex but i keep hoping that she can remember why they brokeup and remember how i treated her and love her again.