EVER FEEL...like nobody gets you. really need a friend

[water_baby]

hi

i guess i can say i have always felt like this. i thought that these feelings would stop by the time i got to 22 years of age but i still feel the same. i guess i figured people get to an age when they jsut make friends and it is easy. all the way through my life i have had friends ..well, kinda. but i have never had people that i actually get on with and that understand me. Sometimes i feel really bad because i dont have people to share things with..noboday to confide with.

sometimes i think i would do anything just to find one good friend..somebody that i can trust, have fun and just be ME with. i feel incomplete. i dont know why i dont seem to be able to make a conection with anybody but i can't.

 

please say i am not alone?

[shin-tak]

Are you kidding? As a guy, I have "close friends", but none of them are dating, and none of them care to talk about it nor their feelings towards things of that nature, nor about themselves.

 

Guy topics and dirty humor is what we always are about, it seems. When I try, though, a conversation still ensues, but not as fullfilling as I would like it to be. It seems like they have a one track mind, and even their advice is so slanted.

[PAdreamer]

You aren't alone. I'm still fairly young, but I know how you feel. I finally managed to get to a place where people could tolerate me, and I had "friends"... But I've never really been accepted by people. I've learned that I just have to take it one person at a time. I have slowly managed to build some very strong relationships (mostly with guys... I just tend not to get along well with girls... at least not ones my age), but they are few and far between, and each one is very different. One thing I had to come to terms with is that I may never have a friendship with someone that is considered "normal". Even my boyfriend- the love of my life- came into my life through a not-so-normal channel. All of my current friends are people I met online.

 

Even recently I've been feeling bad that I don't even have a girl friend to take shopping, or to do ANYTHING "girly" with. I am just very different, and I don't achieve things (especially good friendships) through normal channels. I think maybe you need to start going about things in different, creative ways. I don't know what... But think about it. Either way, you're not alone.

 

Smile.

[Openminded]

I love the fact that almost all of my friends come to me when they have problems with their relationships. I am always there to talk to them about it, which is fine. Problem is, do they stand to listen to me for even a few minutes when i have problems? Absolutely not. It really pisses me off.

Thing is, I shouldnt be surprised by it. Im open with how i feel about things, and dont mind expressing myself. Which can often be a mixed blessing. Yes, it does help me get things off my chest, but i often leave my self open to pop shots by my so-called friends because they use my words against me.

I find that the best people to open up to about personal things are just random people online. Sad, but true. It doesnt come back to hurt you, and often times they actually care to listen. Why?? I dont know. I care about my friends, but they dont know the first thing about supporting their friends. Im not just talkng about guys here either.

[monicaa]

you're not alone... would you wanna be my friend?

[water_baby]

To Openminded i dont understand when people don't want to listen to what is going on with their friends..you sound like a good friend. your friends should relaise that friendship is a give and take.

 

the friends that i do have...i call them friends but they are not, use me to take the piss out of. i have told them about this but they don't see why i get offended even though i am the only one that gets the jibs.

 

ever feel like you are acting coz people dont like the real you?

[PAdreamer]

Most people are not comfortable being themselves around their "friends". That's one thing that you need to become comfortable with. Be yourself, and the people who stick around are the people worth having as friends.

[water_baby]

that is good advice...thank you. i also get on with boys better than girls. i think i need to be stronger and not care what people say...i should just be ME.

[Openminded]

Dont act to make yourself fit in. If you have to act around your friends, then you're obviously not comfortable around them. If your not comfortable around your friends, of all people, then you need to make new "friends". I get along good with almost everybody, and i think a part of that is my easy going personality.

I think your problem isnt so much with your friends, but maybe with yourself. You have to be comfortable with who you are before you can expect your friends to be. However, having friends that you think place certain expectations on you will certainly make you feel uncomfortable real quick.

My situation is different than yours really. I think all my friends genuinely care about my well being. Problem is, they dont like to waste any of their time listening to my problems. Yet they always come to me whenever they have problems.

It wasnt until very recently that I, like so many other people on this board, lost someone I loved. It isnt until then thhat you see who your true friends are. Some are there to support you, others tend to shy away.

[water_baby]

the reason why i cant be myself around the friends i have is because they put me down a lot...they have spread rumours about me having had plastic surgery. i am the target of a lot of hatred...people have the wrong impression of me which makes me shy and unconfident...it makes me not want to share my feelings.

 

i dont so much "act" as much as just being really quiet because of not wanting to give people even more to talk about me with.

 

people judge me on the way i look or what they have heard instead of getting to know me.

 

your lucky to have friends that care.

[Openminded]

Ive always been a person who can have deep conversations about anything. Religion, relationships, anything philosophical. Its rare to meet someone who actually cares to discuss things on a deeper level. Only on rare occasions do I hear people discuss things (even on personal levels) about underlying issues.

I consider my desire to delve into the deeper issues to be a flaw in some respects, because i have been told on numerous occasions that I overanalyze things. That I see things that arent really there because I am trying to logically conclude why something happened.

However, I am a logical person...and thats a good thing. I want to think about things...i want to discuss things. I want to understand why things happened, especially in relationships. The only way to learn and evolve is to see problems and correct them. Yet some people would rather just bury their problems and not face them.

Maybe its a fear of things coming back to haunt them if they open up...I really dont know. I do know that not discussing feelings is hazardous to my health. I bottled up my emotions after a break up with my first true love. I started having chest pains just thinking about her. Thing was, I was a healthy 20 year old who was physically fit.

[water_baby]

it would be so nice if i could be open like you but i cant because i hate being judged.

 

i guess that is why you are called openminded..hehehe

 

you seem to have a great outlook..you must be confident and mentally stronge

 

i lack trust in people and thats where my problems stem from i guess.

[Openminded]

Your 22 years old... and it sounds like your friends are in high school. Let me guess, the friends who treat you this way are friends that you had while you stlil were in high school?

You need to put yourself before everyone else, first and foremost. If this is bothering you as much as it appears to be...then you need to take actions to resolve them. You are old enough now, that you can choose where you live, and who you are companions with.

Plastic surgery eh? Why would that matter? Sounds like a jealousy issue to me. Do you receive more attention from men than they do? Plastic surgery is becoming commonplace even amongst teenagers in the US. If thats a big deal to your friends than they are shallow.

You need to stick up for yourself. They will respect you more for it in the long run. What you need to do is unload on them. Next time they mention something about you, feel free to let them know how you feel. If you have to, get personal with them. Next time someone says that you had plastic surgery tell them that you didnt, but if you had a @#$ like theirs you absolutely would have some done.

You need to dish out a little yourself.

[water_baby]

believe it or not this all started in uni....i really thought that when i got there people would act like adults but instead i just received a lot of negative attention from girls...girls that dont even no me that i have never seen before hate me.

 

i would feel a lot stronger if it wasn't so many people.

 

i agree these girls are immature....i dont think there is anything wrong with me...i am a nice person but i have found it hard to trust people.

 

i will try and take your advice...it is good advice ...hopefully i wont get my arse kicked as a result...hehehehehe

[Openminded]

Check your Private Messages in a second.

[drumrboy]

Hi Water_baby -

 

i just wanted to weigh in on the topic if you're still in the market for thoughts. First off, let me tell you that you are certainly not alone! I am more than a decade older than you, but there have been many times throughout my life - including now - that I have felt disconnected and lacking in "true" friends. I am involved in a lot of things that have brought me acquaintences, but no one that I could really talk to about personal things. And more importantly, no one ever seems to ask me anything about what is going on in my life!

 

I know what you are going through when you talk about getting physical pains when you are unable to talk about things with other people. This year, I have gone through some immensely stressful things, and it all ended in me becoming severely depressed, going on medication and starting therapy. But it's getting better -- in part to the same types of advice that the other caring people have said in responses to your touching post here. We DO have to learn to love ourselves first, and be true to who we REALLY are. trying to be something we are not will only lead to false friends, and we will never develop a true love for ourselves.

 

But I don't want to talk about ME anymore -- I just want you to know that, to me, you sound like a rare and special person. You will no doubt have people in your lifetime that will count themselves lucky to call themselves your friend. You seem caring, sensitive, and unwilling to lower yourself to the level that the other immature people you are stuck around have done. In the meantime, you can always come here to talk to people who will accept you for the caring person you are, and who have gone through the same pain you have.

 

And when you are comfortable with who you really are, other peole pick up on that, and it makes them gravitate towards you. And even though you and I have never me -- I can tell that, when the right people come around, they will take notice of who YOU are!

 

hang in there, and know that you are NEVER alone!