xstar Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 So many stories I read on here are about abusive ex, GIGS, cheating, men who disappear, toxic relationships and so on. I had nothing wrong with my relationship. The only issues that we had was the distance and the fact that his parents are very sick and felt guilty putting me on the backburner to take care of his parents. So he broke up with me. No harsh words, no meanness, I could tell his was very torn and upset by his decision. This makes it so much harder for me. At least I can use anger or how poorly I was treated to help myself move on. I have none of that other than the fact that I'm no longer with a wonderful guy with awesome values My ex boyfriends were terrible people and honestly, although I was much angrier it was almost easier to move on b/c I felt like I had some thing better to look forward to. When you already had someone great, hard to look forward to something better.. Link to comment
OracleofDoom Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Assuming of course thats the reason he broke up with you. What did George Castanza say,"its not you, its me." Link to comment
xstar Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Well, considering that I indeed have proof that his father is terminally ill and that he's been expressing guilt over his double duties for a few weeks now - I'm pretty sure there aren't some sinister motives there. Link to comment
thousandyear Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Why did he have to end your relationship to take care of his father? Many couples have to deal with ill parents at some point in their life together... but they don't just end their marriage. So why did he feel the need to end it with you? He could have just told you that he needed some time now to focus on his parents and I'm sure you would have understood. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 ^ I didn't want to go into details so I didn't post, but the short story is that we are in a long distance relationship. Before his dad became sick, we would spend one weekend/month together. Since his dad got sick, he's been taking care of him and his business over the weekends, while working full time. So in addition to the stress and shock of knowing that a parent will pass away at any point, every time I visit him I spend my weekends with his parents, while he's at working on the small business half the time. This means we rarely get time alone and rarely get to have sex. Our long distance will last for another year and some months (until I finish school and move closer). Essentially, the trauma of what's happening with his dad, the guilt of spending time with me over his parents and vice versa and being unsure whether he can handle this for another year or longer. While I agree with you that it's something that we could have worked out and it was his choice not to. I know that he feels really bad and guilty for doing this - he just convinced himself its the right thing for the both of us. But I don't believe there's something sinister behind his actions. I think he's just in a very tough spot right now and is trying to do what he thinks is best - I can't call him a bad guy for disagreeing with me on what the best thing to do is though. Maybe at the end of the day, he just didn't see a future with me and that's why he didn't want to find a way to work it out - but in no way was he ever anything then perfect in the way he treated me and vice versa (if anything, I was too nice). Which makes it so hard to let go Link to comment
TriColors Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Xstar - I know exactly how you feel. The "amicable break up" is the worst. My ex and I never ever fought or said an ill word to one another. His "issues" were that he didn't know what he was doing with his life, etc. He thought the break up was best for US. A friend said to me that maybe he just didn't see a future with me. That advice really stings. HUGS. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 TriColors, at the end of the day, I think all break-ups are b/c the other person didn't see a future with us. It's a tough one to swallow Link to comment
TriColors Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 that it is! But I think of these things, I've had a few exes tell me (even very recently) that if they could do it over again, they'd never let me go. Its comforting but too bad I'm over them and don't particularly care. Link to comment
MissieP Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yep xstar said it best even if they " future" fake they still just want to make you think there is a future with them when in reality there never was. Link to comment
xstar Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Sometimes, people need time - esp guys. So many guys are so non-commital or don't realize what they have. I've heard tons of stories of guys who come back. I've never heard of a story of a girl ending up being lonely and depressed b/c she couldn't find another guy if the original one didn't come back. So I guess in the end it all works out? Link to comment
xstar Posted April 2, 2012 Author Share Posted April 2, 2012 Yep xstar said it best even if they " future" fake they still just want to make you think there is a future with them when in reality there never was. I'm not sure I really agree with this. Depends on the guy. I think that some guys lead you on, other guys need time to figure it out (hence you date to get married and decide to get married, and then start dating) and decide that the answer is no, and in some cases, things happen to interfere. But even guy who fall under category 2 and 3 - and I consider these to be decent guys - break our hearts Link to comment
journeynow Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 My ex boyfriends were terrible people and honestly, although I was much angrier it was almost easier to move on b/c I felt like I had some thing better to look forward to. When you already had someone great, hard to look forward to something better... I'm sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean when you are left with sadness rather than anger. However, you still have something better to look forward to: imagine yourself progressing to a great relationship with someone who has the qualities you value, based on the experience you've gained, and can be in a relationship that isn't long distance, in which you both can weather life's challenges without breaking the relationship. Link to comment
MissieP Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I guess in my case my ex lead me on. I should of said lead on I appologize. I am so sorry you are going through this Broken hearts are never fun. Link to comment
TriColors Posted April 2, 2012 Share Posted April 2, 2012 I'm not sure I really agree with this. Depends on the guy. I think that some guys lead you on, other guys need time to figure it out (hence you date to get married and decide to get married, and then start dating) and decide that the answer is no, and in some cases, things happen to interfere. But even guy who fall under category 2 and 3 - and I consider these to be decent guys - break our hearts I *hope* my case was the things interfere category, but always in the end I think it comes back to the "deciding the answer is no" category. Link to comment
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