Hanging out with people

[xstar]

I know that it's very important to hang out with people after a break up rather than sit home alone and wallow in self-pity. I just don't know what to do .. a lot of my good friends don't live in the area (I"m in school) so I've been talking to them over the phone. I do have some friends here, but they are more like acquaintances. I feel like I feel worse for going out to distract myself.

 

For example, last night I went to a bbq party and had a bit too much to drink. I had when distracted at some points, but sometimes this wave of sadness would hit me about the whole event being just so fake. I was drinking to have fun when all I really wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and be sad and talk about how sad I am. But I feel like even more of a loser for staying at home - I know my ex isn't going out, but he's surrounded by his family. I'm just here alone

[Dealbreaker]

wow, I feel like I could have written this. That is my situation exactly.

Well, I don't know if I can help, since I feel the same way, but I'm going to tell you what I do. I usually try to study and get done with HW. Sometimes my mind is all over the place so I watch the sitcoms I recorded earlier. My friends know what I'm going through so I keep in communication with them often so I don't feel so alone. When I'm invited to grab lunch or coffee or to see a movie with a friend, I jump at the opportunity, even if it is once or twice a week. However, if I start feeling sad, I let myself cry, and then distract myself again with a book, or the internet or all the stuff I said before. The problem with break ups is that it is a process and we have to take day by day. My break up has been months ago and I am STILL trying to get over it, but when I think about the beginning and where I am now, I see how much stronger I am than I think I am.

Be extremely patient with yourself. Do things you feel like doing and try to reward yourself. If you're having a bad day, try to go out of the house at least for 30 minutes every few hours. I am like you in that I'm having a hard time to even think about going out, but we have to. It makes things a lot worse staying inside and you will notice that once you start feeling a little better.

[MarnDark]

xstar, I hear you loud and clear. I'm at school too and a lot of weekends I have to force myself to go out to a bar with friends and such when you would never see me do that while I was in a relationship. A lot of nights I've gone home early just to sulk in my bed again. It's terrible, it's like when I'm out I still think constantly of my ex and sometimes I panic when I'm out with people that I'm going to see her. This actually occurred yesterday at a campus event and I saw her and her boyfriend holding hands. I was so upset I had to practically run home.

 

It was terrible, but at the same time I need to go out and hang out with people. Staying in is really a lot worse than anything else.

[xstar]

Thanks for the support guys, I'm glad I'm not alone on this. I went out again last night with a different group of friends for some cocktails and had a much better time. I think the type of people you go out with makes a big difference. Being in a small group with laid back people helps - it allows a better chance to bond and form some intimacy (or replace the missing one the ex took). In a big party I just feel lost and empty. So yea, that's what I'm going to do, try to go out with a lot of different people one on one.

 

I've also realized that some people are very emotionally draining. One of my friends, every time I talk to her, I just feel so sad after. Other people, make me feel happy after talking to them. Pick and chose I guess.