Help! When to start talking about what went wrong

[MichaelD]

My ex and I are in a period of NC, after a 6 month relationship. It has been almost two weeks since she broke it off. She has contacted me and said she would like to talk at some point. I would like to get back together, but she really would have to show me that she is willing make an effort, and I am keeping NC for at least another 3 weeks for my healing, so I can see things more clearly.

 

What I'm curious about is when we do ultimately talk, how soon should we start discussing relationship, and what happened? Many here have said to wait a while for that, to simply enjoy each others company for a little while until you even start to talk about reconciliation. Certainly I would not bring it up. It's up to her to start the process - but if she does, any tips on how to proceed? Near the end she pulled away, needing space. We were moving too fast, talking about living together after 6 months. I got needy when she pulled away and we broke it off. It's been received very well anytime that she needs spaceto just let her go, and let her come back to me. That's what's happening now, but I still want to play my cards right. She broke my heart and I need to play it with some modicum of cool...

 

Thanks for any advice!

[markie6]

Did she indicate what she wanted to talk about ? I wouldn't be thinking too far ahead of yourself at this point.

[Tom1990]

It depends on several things, and everybody's different. Me and my ex started working through stuff after a couple weeks, then started talking reconciliation aftrr another couple weeks. It took us another month (and a scary movie) before we were ready.

 

Most importantly, I'd say know when to say "I'll get back to you on that." you're gonna have to think things through, and will say stupid stuff as emotions run high.

[MichaelD]

Markie - She said she also wants to talk more at some point, which I took as talk about the relationship, as that is what we were doing when we cut it off last week. The next day I told her I still had more to say, but she said she needed time and space first.

 

I hear you Tom on the making sure I have time to think and not speak while high on emotions. I'm hoping the month NC will help me with that - I'm already getting to a place where I am okay if it ends if it isn't right, but if we can make it right I will want to try.

 

Maybe, when we do talk and if she does want to talk about us, I can just be upfront, and say we should wait a little longer to talk about what happened, so we can be sure that we are clear headed. Also making it very clear that when we do, we aren't talking about reconciliation, but rather just processing what happened and how we are right now. If we want to be together it will happen on its own eventually, trying to rush a conversation about it won't work.

[pl3asehelp]

Well seeing as she broke up with you, I don't understand why you are approaching this as if she wants to get back together or needs to prove anything to you. Since she asked you to talk, I'd let her say what she wants to. If you want to get back together, I think YOU need to be the one to bring that up since she broke up with you. Her breaking up with you made her intention clear - she doesn't want to be with you.